Fixing the broken Vows

KABANATA 1

"Love, ano ba! nakikiliti ako!"

Natatawang iwas ko kay Miguel na ngayon ay natatawa din sa reaksyon ko. 

I am happy being married to this gorgeous guy. He looks like a morning star to me. His eyes are my temptation. His love is my weakness. 

"Let me kiss you, baby…" he groaned. 

I abruptly laughed at his reaction and ran away from him. 

"Cleopatra… c'mon. Just one kiss hon." 

He mutter at marahan akong nilapitan.

"You already have your kiss this morning, Miguel." Nakakaloko ko siyang tinawanan at hinawakan ang labi niyang papunta na sana sa'kin. 

My  husband is indeed a gorgeous masterpiece that God ever created. Gorgeous licking good. Miguel, Gad! You corrupted my innocent mind. 

"Ang damot isang halik lang naman."

Masama niya akong tiningnan at padabog na umupo sa sofa na kinauupuan ko. 

"Pahalik na… isa lang naman, ah." Nahihimigan ko ang pagtatampo sa boses niya. 

I can't help but mock him because of how cute he is. Para itong baby na hindi nabigyan ng gusto nito at tampong-tampong. 

I can't thank heaven enough for giving me such an adorable and loving husband. He is my riches and I will cherish how adorable and cunning he is. 

"Halik lang talaga? I can give you much more than that, Miguel." 

 I smirked and wink that I heard a murmur  groan coming from him. Mabilis siyang tumayo at kinulong ako sa kanyang matigas na braso pero malakas ko siyang tinulak at tumakbo papasok ng kusina. 

Tawang-tawa ako ng makita ko siyang disappointed at nahihirapan. Miguel… you don't know how much restraint I am doing for myself para lang huwag maging ulol na ulol sa'yo. 

"Caprice Cleopatra Montaverde Velarde, lumabas kana d'yan at bigyan ako ng matamis mong halik." 

He shouted and I can't  laugh enough at how cliche his words are.  What a poet! 

I slowly creeped out in the kitchen, still laughing, my eyes were watery and halted him with my tight hug. He groaned and kissed me passionately. 

If tomorrow things will change, I know I will forever be in love with him. 

"Wherever you go, I will keep on chasing for you because you own me. I am yours, Cleopatra. Akin ka lang din." He said in the middle of our furious kisses. 

"Even when our vows would wither?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay pero matigas niya akong inilingan. 

"Even if our vows would wither. My heart, and everything I own are yours. Kahit ilang beses pang malanta ang pangako natin mamahalin pa rin kita katulad ng kung gaano kita kamahal ngayon." 

Sweet… I can't help but get teary eyed while hearing his words. It is so promising. Miguel… lunod na lunod na ako sa'yo habang buhay. 

My husband has a  face  like a Greek God that is made perfectly, from the shape of the face, thin and kissable lips, chiseled jaw and pointed nose with his mesmerizing blue eyes. Thick eyebrows with his curl and long eyelashes. 

"Thank you…" umiiyak kung sabi, he gently planted a kiss on my forehead down to my nose until it reached my lips. 

"Thank you for the unconditional love, Miguel. Salamat dahil pinakasalan mo ako at minahal." I wholeheartedly whispered through his kisses. 

"No.. thank you, I should be the one thanking you, Cleopatra. Ikaw ang nagbigay sakin ng pangalawang pagkakataon magmahal ng higit pa." He wipe my tears and kiss me in my hair. 

Our future isn't planned. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. Storms are yet to come. We are just starting a new phase of our lives together. We are not certain about all the things but what I know is, I will love him even if the ocean will remain tidal. 

In sickness and in health. In richer and poorer my love for him will remain the same. 

I walk up because of the loud thuds downstairs. Pasado ala-una na at nasisiguro kung si Miguel na naman ang nagdadabog sa ibaba ng bahay. I really don't know how to approach him again not fearing for my dear life. 

He changed… 

Napagtanto kung isa lamang napakagandang panaginip ang lahat na totoong nangyari sa nakaraan. A dream that happened in the past, a blissful memory I had with him before he changed into a monster I didn't expect he will become. 

Mga alaalang nagbibigay sa'kin ng munting pag-asa na maaring maibalik ang lahat sa nakaraan. 

Hindi na sa'kin bago ang gabi-gabing kalabog sa ibaba. Mga gamit na basag at maraming pasa dahil nakasanayan ko na lang ito sa loob ng ilang taon. 

Minsan, titingnan ako ng iba ng baliw dahil bakit daw ako nananatili sa bahay na ito kung impyerno naman. I taste hell, befell in my own home but my love for him remains the same. 

"Love… where did you fucking put all my money?" Nakangisi siya sa'kin pero alam ko kung gaano siya kasabik na pagbuhatan ako ng kamay. 

I used to be so eager to be called by him love whenever he will go home after work. Cook him his favorite dinner. Sabay kaming magr-rant tungkol sa trabaho niya sa opisina at magseselos ako dahil babae at maganda ang secretary niya pero lalambingin niya ako at sasabihing ako lang ang nagmamay-ari sa puso niya. 

"Miguel…" I shakingly whispered. 

Isang malakas na sampal agad ang dumapo sa'kin. Tears blurred my vision. 

"I want my money back in my bank account, Clea." A warning growl came from him at mabilis akong umatras. 

I didn't want to let all our savings end. The company is in the midst of bankruptcy and I am afraid we can no longer provide for our daily necessities.  

Unti-unting nawala ang mga investors ng  kompanya ng ma isa-publiko ang nangyari sa ama ni Miguel na  gobernador ng makulong ito no'ng isa taon dahil napatunayan ng korte ang paggamit ng pundo ng taong bayan sa sarili nitong gastos.  Miguel's mom, Doña Editta took all the debts that his father left.

"I-I can't… paubos na ang pera natin Miguel at gagastusin mo lang naman 'yun sa sugal!" 

Malakas ko siyang sinigawan  but a loud thud is heard. He slap me for the second time, halos sobrang init na ng pisngi ko dahil sa magkasunod na sampal. 

"Bullshit! That money is all mine.  I work for it. Saan mo inilagay Clea?" 

Sinabunutan na naman niya  ako  sa buhok  at pilit  ko mang tanggalin ang pagkakahawak niya ng mahigpit sa buhok ko ay wala naman akong lakas para alisin ang matigas niyang kamay. All I did is to cry begging him to stop. 

I pleaded but he didn't hear me. He is furious that he didn't hear me crying and begging. 

"Masakit Miguel. Ano ba, nasasaktan ako!"

I beg but he didn't dodge. Malakas ko siyang itinulak-tulak kaya malakas niya akong binalya sa pader ng bahay making all the things vehemently shattered in the floor. 

I didn't know how terrible it is to become a battered wife not until I became one. My life is like those movies I watched. I feel so useless being stock in this house and becoming his punching bag every day. 

I  never thought that this day would come because I was being fed by all his promises but it became a memory, blurred and broken. 

"Please… Miguel… I'm b-begging you.." iyak ako nang iyak. 

Siguro dala na rin ng sakit dahil nakatapak ako ng bubog at ang nababasag kung puso. 

Kung dati ay gustong-gusto ko ang mga mata niya  ay ngayon naman  tila isa itong nagbabagang yelo na hinding-hindi ko  matitibag. It is like an ocean with a lot of scary sea creatures. 

"Shut the fuck up! Give it back to me, Clea." 

Tinulak niya ako kaya napasigaw ako ng pumunta ang bigat ko sa mga flower vases na nasa likuran at doon nga'y lumangoy muli ako sa mga bubog. 

Our  house is a mess, the flower vases are all broken. Mas lalo akong napaiyak ng makita ko kung wala ng natirang ni isang maayos na plorera. We bought it together, ang lahat ng gamit dito ay sabay naming binili ng nagsisimula pa lang kami at ngayon nga'y unti-unti ng nauubos lahat. 

How could someone be that cruel when all I  did is love him. Paano maaring magbago ang isang tao na nagmamahal kung sabay naman kaming nangako sa harapan ng diyos. Nagsumpaan na sa bawat minuto ay mamahalin namin ang isa't-isa. Miguel promise in front of God that he will cherish and nurture the love he have for me but what happened?

 May pagmamahal pa bang naiwan? Bakit pakiramdam ko wala na...

Sanay ka na dapat, Clea… dapat siguro sanayin mo na ang sarili mo nabugbog sirado kada araw. This is my reality. I'm stuck with this painful reality. Wishing that when morning came I will see my Miguel smile and kiss me warmly. 

Umakyat si Miguel sa itaas ng aming kwarto not even giving me his worried glances, he just left me whipping in sorrow and agony. I fix the mess together with my broken heart. I'm crying but what can I do...

Nagbago na ang lahat pero hindi ko lubos maisip na ganito pala kasakit ang pagbabagong dala ni Miguel. 

My mourns are all heard in the different corners of this house. I am breaking slowly. Niligpit ko ang lahat ng kalat at pumunta ako sa kusina. I found the first aid kit and cured the wound from the broken vase and hopefully, I could also cure my heart. 

I graduated as cum laude during my batch but I  never take the board exam because I  got married with  the love of my life. A lawyer in distress.  Itinuro sa akin kung paano ba gumagalaw ang batas at ang  karapatang pantao, my  professors taught me how to fight yet I  am  being mistreated  not knowing how to resist. Isa nga akong  bobo at tanga sa pag-ibig. Halos lahat ng mga kaklase ko sa law school ay mga tanyag at kilala ng mga abogado sa buong bansa at kumita na ng malaki pero ako ay lugmok at hindi pa rin makaahon.

I wanted to leave Miguel but my heart doesn't want to. Nandodoon pa rin ang pag-asang balang araw ay babalik ang Miguel na  minahal at mahal na mahal ako. My mind wants me to end everything yet a part of me wants to fight for the love I  have for him because in front of God I  promise I   will stay through good days and bad and maybe, I believe that what happened today are just part of the phases of every marriage life. 

Ayaw ko pang sukuan ang asawa dahil naniniwala pa rin akong babalik ang lahat sa dati. 

I walked through our room and saw Miguel snoring as he slept. Miguel has this soft feature that whenever you stare at him you wouldn't want to blink but behind his beautiful face is a facade of a monster. 

"Kung bukas mapagod ako… pagod na pagod na ako, Miguel. But this-" I punch my heart and tears started to blurred my vision again. 

"My heart is as stubborn as you are kaya kahit nahihirapan ako, pangako mananatili pa rin ako sa tabi mo. Kahit ipagtabuyan mo pa ako. I will still chase and love you, love."

I whimpered in agony as I laid beside him. I'm crying silently, the throbbing pain in my chest is enumerable. 

I woke up with callused hands wrapped around my belly, I was confused for a second of who might that be. Marahan kung binuka ang mata only to be welcomed with a good-looking monster. His eyes are still close and I gently touch his intricate face. 

Hindi ko alam na kahit basag na basag na ako nakikita ko parin ang sariling lunod na lunod pa rin sa demonyo. The monster beside me calm the unsteady beat of my heart. 

Kahit siguro ilang beses akong durugin ni Miguel, mamahalin ko parin siya katulad ng noon. I'm indeed a masochist, even if I am wounded severely I still love the warmth the monster is giving me.