MY LIFE IS DOOMED

Camille's POV

'Hello, am I speaking with Mrs Camille Parker?'

That very question will hunt my mind for the rest of my damned life.

The call came in while I was preparing dinner.

James had been away for the past seven hours and I was getting worried.

Although work kept him away most of the time, he never came back late, he never stayed out for so long.

Where could he have been? Is he so mad at me that he wouldn't mind staying out longer? Is this him trying to punish me for bringing up a discussion?

He hadn't even left the house with his cell phone, probably forgot it in his rush.

Oh God, whats going on? What have I done?

I hurried to answer the call, wondering who was calling and why.

Was it something to do with James?

When the caller announced later who they were, my breathe caught in my throat, waiting to know why they were calling my own home.

What's wrong? What's going on that has the cops calling me?

'Please can you come over to St Mary's hospital? Your husband was involved in an accident and we will need you to...' the female voice rambled on but I couldn't keep up.

My legs gave away under me and the breathe which had wedged in my throat all along finally escaped in a shrill scream that shook my small form.

I clutched my arms and tried to get myself together.

Oh my God, what have I done?

'Mrs Parker, are you still there?' The voice on the phone brought me back from my brief state of reverie and I ended the call immediately.

I had to get to the hospital immediately, I wasn't still sure what state James was, what if he just needs me now, what if there was something I needed to do so they could commence treatment, I had heard the lady say something about me filing a form or something.

I didn't bother to change into anything fancy, time wasn't on my side.

I took the car keys and rushed out of the house, my mind flooded with several possibilities and scenarios that I wished were not true.

What if I got to the hospital late? What if James was already death? Were his family already informed about the situation? Will I ever forgive myself if anything really happened to him?

Stop it Camille, just stop it already, everything will be fine.

But standing almost an hour latter in front of my husband – or what was left of him – I knew everything wasn't fine and will never be again.

I could not recognize the man in front of me and in that moment I wished I had the powers to turn back the hands of time.

My James, my love.

He was all wrapped up in bandages with a leg and arm hanging in the air. The only visible parts of his body were his face, toes and stomach and only the beeping of the life monitor signified the presence of life.

I should be grateful for his life at least, but fear stopped me from celebrating too early. Guilt made me just stand there instead of going closer and touching him, and running my hands over his peaceful face and whisper my apologies.

A doctor appeared so suddenly that it startled me, but I wiped the tears I had not recognized were running freely down my cheeks and smiled weakly at him.

'Can I see you briefly Mrs Parker?' His voice was plain, and his face expressionless as he spoke.

How do medical practitioners do this? Maintain a straight face when they are about to share the best or worst news to people?

'Is everything okay?' my voice was no louder than the faint humming of the medical equipment running in the small hospital room.

'Just come with me ma'am, I only need to tell you a few important things.' he touched my shoulders and rubbed it softly, but it didn't give me the tiniest bit of comfort.

It was only while I walked with the doctor to his office that I realized how badly I was dressed, still wearing my pajama pant and a see through shirt that read; Universal mummy.

This is so pathetic, are you that desperate Camille, what will all this eyes staring at you think of you if they knew... ENOUGH!

As I sat opposite him a few minutes latter and waited to hear what he had to say, I wished earnestly that it wasn't worst than what I had seen in that room.

What could be worst than James' present state by the way, probably death.

Is he dying?

'Is James okay? Is he going to die?' I said before I could stop myself, tears spewing from my eyes again. I could feel the goose bumps surface on my skin even though the room was warm and comfortable.

“No, no, of course not Mrs Parker. Although he wasn't brought in early by the ambulance, he had lost a lot of blood and had quiet a number of internal injuries as well. Its a miracle he actually got here alive, considering his state. Mr James is definitely a fighter we hope he he keeps fighting even now' He pauses to stare at me for a moment, as if to make sure that my assumptions were cleared.

I drew my palms to my mouth and sobbed silently, relief and gratitude washing through me.

James had always been that way, ever trying and never giving up no matter the situation, and I know he'll keep trying as long as he had a motivation to keep going.

At this point, I doubt that I am still his motivation.

But wait, I think I noticed an underlying message in his statement. Was there a chance that things could get worst? That I could lose my husband?

I waited for him to continue, fearing the worst.

'As I said, your husband sustained a lot of injuries and lost a lot of blood, although we still do not know the main reason for his unconscious state, we believe he'll be in that state for quiet some time, and he only needs everyone to be strong for him'.

I wanted to ask for how long, at least an estimated time, but the blank look on his face was all the answer I need.

My life was doomed, and I was yet to realized it.