Chapter 1

"Fudge.... fudge!" Paulit-ulit akong nagmura sa utak ko. I'm not really the kind of person who curses a lot. But if something  like this happens, what else can I do other than murmur unpleasant words to express my unpleasant feelings?

Kaya pala nakaka-intimidate siya. Kaya pala naiilang ako kanina. Kaya pala. But he just looks so young kaya inakala kong kaklase ko lang siya!

Agad akong napayuko nang mapatingin siya sa direksyon ko. I bit my lower lip and tried to breathe normally. Ano ba 'tong napasok ko?

"Hindi naman ako tigre na nangangagat. So you don't have any reasons to be scared of me," I heard him say. Hindi naman kasi ako natatakot. Kasi 'yong takot ko ay natabunan na ng kahihiyan. Hindi talaga ako marunong makiramdam minsan. Kaya siguro hindi ko man lang na-feel 'yong vibes ng pagiging instructor niya. Pero kasi... Kasi mukha lang kaming magka-edad!

Salita pa siya nang salita sa harapan samantalang ako ay payuko-yuko lang. He mentioned he came from UP Diliman. He graduated last year daw, BS Biology. And I heard he graduated as Cum Laude. Matalino pala talaga ito, knowing that he's from Diliman. And he also said he's 21. Hindi nga talaga nagkakalayo ang edad namin. Maiintindihan niya naman siguro kung bakit ko siya napagkamalang kaklase. Hindi naman siguro siya nabastusan sa akin? Hindi ko rin naman kasi talaga alam!

I took another deep breath at nilakasan na ang loob at tumingin sa harapan. Kaso, saktong pagtingin ko ay ang pagtingin niya rin sa akin. Eye to eye. Kaya nakaramdam ulit ako ng pagkailang. But this time, I didn't look away. But is it just me or talagang ngumiti siya sa akin? Ugh. Heto na naman ako.

"Anyare sayo?" Bulong ni Clarisse. She's my best friend among the bloc. Pati siya ay hindi ko na napansin dahil sa nangyari.

"Wala," I replied.

"You look uneasy. May problema ka ba, girl?" She asked again.

"Wala. Okay lang ako," I answered.

"Na-mesmerize ka ba sa kapogian ni Sir?" She queried. This time, I looked at her with a blank face. She looked at me too and smiled sheepishly. She then moved closer to me and whispered something.

"Single raw siya," she whispered.

"Magtigil ka. Ano ka ba," I murmured. But why does my face feels so hot?

"Beh, sa tingin mo may pag-asa kami?" Tanong niya saka humagikhik na halatang kinikilig. Sasagutin ko pa sana siya when I saw someone's hand on the arm of my chair.

It was Sir Troy's hand.

"Sorry po," agad na nasabi ko at muli na namang napayuko. Naging hobby ko na ata ang pagyuko.

"It's okay," I heard him say. After that ay may inabot siya sa aking papel. I even got confused kung tatanggapin ko ba. It was a few seconds after when I realized it was the syllabus he was trying to give. Ang tanga ko talaga.

After kong makuha 'yong papel ay bumalik na si Sir sa harap at nagsimulang magsalita ulit. He explained everything that was written in the syllabus. One by one. Ugh. I can't wait for it to end.

Hindi ulit ako makatingin nang diretso sa harapan kaya 'yong syllabus naman ngayon ang napag-tripan ko. I read every words written in it slowly like a kid who just learned reading. Bahala na. Kesa naman sa ma-feel ko na naman 'yong pagkailang.

This class is one of my major subjects and I'm not sure if this will be easy or not. Hindi naman kasi ako kasing talino ng naturally genius kong kapatid na si Faith. Kung biniyayaan man ako ng talino, maybe just enough for me to pass in this university. I might be a consistent honor during my Elementary and High School, but that doesn't mean I will still be one here in College. Ibang usapan na kasi 'to. Feel ko nga na-chamba ko lang 'yong pagkakasali ko sa Dean's List for the previous sems. Wala lang 'yon sa pagiging consistent Chancellor's Lister ni Faith.

Heto na naman ako sa insecurities ko. But really, why can't I just be as smart as my sister? 'Yong isa ko namang kapatid na si Love ay nabibiyaan ng talent sa pagsayaw samantalang ako ay parehong kaliwa ang mga paa. She's smart too and consistent Dean's lister rin.

We're triplets, not identical but you can still somehow see the resemblance. We have the same noses which we got from our Dad. All my other features, I got those from my Mom. Ang sabi nila ako raw iyong pinaka-kamukha ni Mommy, from the shape of her face, brows, lips, eyes... especially the eyes. Sa aming magkakapatid, ako lang iyong may brown eyes, the eyes of the two are both black.

But the struggle sometimes? Kahit hindi kami identical, nagkakamali pa rin ang ilang kakilala namin sa amin. Lalo na when we were still kids. Kaya siguro nang lumaki, we have different styles.

Faith always keeps her hair shoulder-length and never changed her hair color- it's always black. She wears eyeglasses and the way she dresses up is simple but powerful. Iyong kapag nakikita mo siya, first impression mo nang she's smart.

Love is the most fashionista among us. Minsan hindi ko naiintindihan ang choice of wardrobe niya but when she dresses up? You'd think she's a model. She's the one who keeps changing her hair color. Sa aming tatlo, siya iyong madalas sa Salon. This time, her hair's brown with blonde highlights, next month? I'm not sure. She usually curls her long hair but according to her, the style of her hair depends on her mood.

While me? I'm not sure, but I think I always keep it simple. A shirt paired with pants or shorts or skirt is already fine, as long as I'm wearing my black converse. I have a long wavy hair. Just like Faith, I never changed my hair color- it's always black. Minsan nakakatamad lang talagang mag-ayos. For now, I don't feel the need to dress up or something. 

Sir Troy's still speaking in front, explaining some stuff about his grading system. Ako naman ay hindi makatingin sa harapan kaya payuko-yuko lang ako. I didn't tie my hair kaya inayos ko iyon sa magkabilang gilid ng mukha ko. Nagmumukha akong si Sadako but I didn't care. Gusto ko lang makaiwas sa mga tingin ni Sir.

Binasa ko na lang ulit iyong syllabus na hindi ko natapos basahin. And my eyes landed on the name written on it.

Troy Vincent Tan.

Now I wonder why he's teaching instead of going to med school. Maybe to relax? But teaching a subject is not even relaxing! At least for me.

Gap year's not a bad thing. I guess it gives you time to rest before you start the real battle in Med School. Ako kasi walang tiwala sa sarili ko. Ayaw kong mag-gap year kasi feeling ko madi-delay ako or something. It's a scary thought and I shouldn't be thinking about it. Pero ewan ko ba. 

Shaking that thought off my mind, napailing-iling ako nang wala sa oras. Crazy, yes.

"You don't want?" I heard someone asked. I looked around and everybody's eyes were on me. Hala. Ano na namang katangahan ang nagawa ko?

"Po?" Was all I managed to say. Nakakahiya! Ano na naman kaya iyon?

"I was asking if the class would like to work by group for the final project that I'm requiring. Would you like to work on it alone?" He asked, with a hint of smile. Shemay. Pinagtatawanan na niya ata ako sa isip niya.

"No, sir! Okay po ako sa by group," I hurriedly replied. Of course I would like to have someone to share my burden with. Ayokong gumawa mag-isa. Ugh. Nakakahiya na talaga.

"Oh well, I'll group you now," he announced as he showed us a paper.

He announced the names of the members of each group. And I wasn't that happy kasi hindi pa rin nawala sa isip ko 'yong pagkahiya. Ano bang meron sa araw na 'to?

After grouping us, he explained more things further and then dismissed us. Nagmadali akong umalis nang matapos siya. Naiwan ko pa si Clarisse.

I was half-running palabas ng building. Iyong ilan sa mga gamit ko ay bitbit ko pa. Hindi ko na kasi naipasok sa bag ko sa kagustuhang makalayo na sa kahihiyan. Medyo hiningal pa ako nang makaupo sa isang bench para hintayin si Clarisse.

Nang mahimasmasan ay isa-isa ko nang ipinasok sa bag ko iyong mga gamit kong hawak-hawak ko pa. Doon ay napansin ko iyong syllabus na inabot pa talaga ni sir sa akin kanina. Medyo nakusot ko na.

Pero habang sinusubukan kong ayusin 'yong syllabus mula sa pagkakakusot ay napansin ko 'yong smiley na nakasulat sa dulo ng papel. It was hand-written.

'Yong copy ko lang ba ang merong ganito o may ganito talaga lahat?

Ugh. Binibigyan ko na naman ng meaning.