GEORGINA MENDOZA

Damien

It's been a month of hell without her, I've been looking everywhere just to find her, para akong naghahanap ng karayom sa napakalawak na palayan, sobrang hirap na halos kahit baliktarin ko na halos ang mundo, I don't even know where she is!

Fuck!

Even my private investigator can't find anything or just a tiny clue and I don't even know if she would ever come back to me.

What the fuck did I do wrong for her to leave me like this, na parang tangang nakatingin sa labas ng bintana.

Natutulala nalang ako bigla habang iniisip kung ano ng nangyayari sa kanya ngayon, kung kumain na ba siya o kung anong pinagkakaabalahan niya at kung nasaan siya ngayon, hinahanap niya rin ba ako?

Pero di ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit niya ako iniwan ng ganito lalo na itong pregnancy test na nasa kamay kong may dalawang linyang pula.

And I do really fucking know what the hell this pregnancy test means, she is carrying my child and right now para na akong mababaliw sa kakahanap sa kanya, I even call her parents to know if she leave some message to them or if she went there but to my dismay she has not.

For goodness sake, she doesn't leave me message or anything that says where she went and why she leave me.

Frustration and madness is making me insane right now, nasabunot ko nalamang ang buhok ko bago huminga ng malalim saka tinungga ang bote ng alak bago ko ito itinapon sa kung saan, hinaplos ko ang picture frame ng asawa ko at hinawakan kong muli ang pregnancy test.

I am happy because I am now going to be a dad pero hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula kung patuloy akong maglulugmok dito sa opisina at ipahanap sa mga tao ko ang mag ina ko.

I need to act now, as soon as possible I need to find her.

But I remember something that made her run away from me, thinking about that made me realize.

I know matagal na iyon, siguro bago pa kami noon ikasal may sinabi ako sa kanya, and my eyes went wide when some of flashbacks hit me on my head.

"Hon, ayaw mo pa bang magka anak tayo pakatapos nating ikasal?"

"No, I can't have kids not yet"

Naguguluhan man ay nagulat pa din ako sa mga ala alang napag dugtong dugtong ko na lubos kong pinagsisisihan ngayon.

I know now kung bakit niya ako iniwan pero di pa rin ako sure kung iyon ba talaga ang dahilan ng kanyang pag alis.

That night before our wedding I told her a dumb thing that I don't want a baby yet and damn that shit.

I am a jerk I know, kung gaano ako kagago para hindi tanggapin ang dinadala niya, pero di ibig sabihin nun na aalis nalang siya ng hindi ako pinapaliwanag ang sa side ko para maintindihan niya at basta ng wala man lang pasabing umalis, it was just fuck!

That was back then in the past hindi pa kami kasal kaya nireready ko palang noon ang sarili ko and I do research on how to take care of my wife from being pregnant, sinabi ko iyong mga katagang "ayoko pa" kasi nagreready palang ako ng sarili ko for that, I just wanted to be a better father and husband and a house that she could call her home, our home.

But now that I realize it I'm a biggest jerk at hindi ko na mababawi pa ang mga katagang iyon na nasabi ko na and I think I need a better explanation for this misunderstandings.

Before that I need to find her because I need her to listen to me and how much I miss her. I do care about her being pregnant to my child, I do because she's my wife, ayoko ng maghintay pa sa mga investigator ko, ayoko ng malugmok sa mga report nilang wala namang mga silbi. If they can't find her, I shall do it on my own, by force or not I definitely find and capture her for making me like this.

"George my wife, you can run and hide away but you don't know who really is your husband" I smile putting the pregnancy test at the table, rushing some message on my investigators to send the result of the search but I fond none except for my private investigator, I just gonna call him later.

["Sir, Miss Amera wants to see you"]

My intercom made a noise after my secretary announce I have a visitor not just a visitor.

"Tell her to go away"

Isa pa sa mga problema ko ang babaeng ito na ayaw tumigil sa kakapunta dito sa opisina ko, she's been pestering me because my wife left me.

["Sir, she said may appointment daw po siya sainyo ngayon, and based on my data she really has one in this afternoon"]

"Cancel it"

["But sir-"]

"Call the security if she don't want-"

Hindi ko na natapos pa ang mga sasabihin ko sa secretarya ko dahil bigla nalang bumukas ang pintuan ng opisina ko upang iluwa noon ang mukha ni Amera, napamura nalamang ako ng magsimula na siyang mag inarte sa harapan ko.

"What do you want"

"You, darling Damien iniwan kana ng asawa mo and you need me-"

"Out"

I don't want to repeat myself so I point the open door to her, telling her to get her fucking butt out of my office before I force her to do so.

"Damien I-"

I look at her coldly, she just used her company name to make an appointment to me, for her to snake around here to my office but she only give me a teary eyed na para bang nagpapaawa saaking wag siyang paalisin at halos idikit na niya ang sariling katawan sa braso ko. It irritates me so I press the intercom again.

"You want me to do this the hard way then"

"Damien, I love you-"

"Just forget it, I am a married man Amera this is your final warning and this is the last time you'll step on this company"

Pumasok na ang mga security upang ilabas na si Amera na halos nakakairita na dahil nga sa nakadikit pa rin siya sakin, I hate it when woman got near me this close except for my wife, I feel disgusted kaya naman pumunta agad ako sa banyo to freshen up.

Looking at the mirror after washing my face is not shocking to me at all, I grew stumble that almost like a beard, I remember George hate this kind of facial from me and keep saying to me that she like only the stumble not a bearded husband.

How could I take care my self now when she's not even here that I miss her this much that I don't really care anymore, I know I missed sleep nowadays but who cares, I want my wife.

Clicking my tongue and loosened my necktie to breath out the madness that's gonna blow, this really fuck up.

Fetching up my phone to make a call and walking back to sit on my swivel chair, dialing my private investigator that shortly pick up.

"Where?"

["Barcelona, Italy."]

Hanging up the phone at itatago ko na sana ng mahagip ng mga mata ko ang screen ng phone ko, our wedding picture still on my phone screen wallpaper, looking at her here, reminds me of how she really is happy with her gorgeous and elegant smile I've ever seen since the first time we meet, and when my phone went black I snap, i can't calm down for just a seconds.

"Barcelona" I murmured and gets up for me to take a step on finding my wife on my own now, tracking where she left a trail is a good sign for me to find her in a blink.

Walking fast and telling my secretary Darwin to clean all my meetings this week because this gonna take me long weekend to totally captured her.

My beautiful wife is kind hearted, a silent type to obey me in every word I say but I never seen her get mad even when I push her into her limits she never give me a reaction but now I don't know.

Like I would imagine it that the woman I know will surely be fearless and totally a demon killer, Nah! she's so quite to be like that.

But I would surely expect that my wife will be more dangerous than I am, parang alam ko na ang mangyayari sakin kapag nagpakita agad ako sa kanya, rejection.

Driving fast is not my thing but if my wife is on the run I think you might relate to me, I love my wife so much that I don't want to lose her and leave me this second time, No not on my watch but I wish she'd explain to me why the hell she'll leave me like that, oh god, I'm going crazy!

Tinudo ko na ang bilis ng motor kong gamit kahit na may mga humahabol na saking police dahil sa maximum na ang bilis ng sasakyan ko.

Wala akong paki alam, hinahabol ko rin naman ang asawa ko kaya bahala kayong maghabol sakin dadagdag pa kayo sa problema kaya naman kahit na mahirap iwasan ang mga nakasunod ay natakasan ko pa rin sila, I know I am not in my country to be like this but fucking hell, so what if I am in Rome.

Fuck them!

Just when I'm about to stop on the grand canal and rialto bridge of venice in barcelona I saw her, nagzoom in agad ang mga mata ko sa kanya na halos nakalimutan ko ng iliko ang motor ko upang tumalon ito sa tubig habang ako nama'y natulala sa asawa kong gulat na nakatingin sakin habang ako ay nahuhulog.

"Georgina"

to be continued...