Chapter 8- A Woman's First Realization

"Ma'am Xiara, huwag muna kayong pipirma sa anumang dokumento hangga't hindi natin nasusuri ang buong agreement."

Iyon ang unang sinabi ni Attorney Ramirez nang sagutin niya ang tawag ni Xiara.

Nakatayo siya sa tabi ng glass window ng kanilang kuwarto, hawak ang dokumentong ilang minuto na niyang tinititigan.

"Attorney, may nakalagay dito na personal financial undertaking under my name. I never agreed to this."

"May pinirmahan po ba kayong authorization?"

"Wala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nakasama ang pangalan ko rito."

"Then we need to verify the document's validity. I-send ninyo sa akin ang copy. Huwag muna kayong pipirma o papayag sa anumang arrangement."

Napapikit si Xiara. "Can he use my assets without my permission?"

"Kailangan nating makita ang buong dokumento bago masabi kung ano ang legal effect nito. Pero malinaw na may karapatan kayong malaman kung paano ginagamit ang inyong pangalan at ari-arian."

Pagkababa ng tawag, napaupo siya sa gilid ng kama. "How did I let this happen?" bulong niya.

Hindi niya alam kung alin ang mas masakit—ang posibilidad na ginamit ni Joross ang pangalan niya nang walang pahintulot, o ang katotohanang masyado siyang nagtiwala para hindi mapansin ang mga nangyayari.

---

Kinabukasan, nadatnan niya si Joross sa dining area. Abala ito sa pagbabasa ng business news habang umiinom ng kape.

"Good morning," bati niya.

"Morning."

Umupo si Xiara at inilapag ang folder sa mesa.

"We need to talk about this agreement."

Napabuntong-hininga si Joross. "Not again, Xiara."

"Why is my personal financial undertaking included here?"

"Parte ng partnership."

"Then why wasn't I informed?"

"Because it's necessary for the deal. Vincent requires financial assurance from our side."

"Our side?" ulit niya. "Or side mo?"

Ibinaba ni Joross ang tablet. "What's the difference? Kasal naman tayo."

"Marriage doesn't mean you can make financial decisions for me without my consent."

"You're making it sound like I'm stealing from you."

"Then explain why my name is there."

Saglit itong natahimik bago sumagot.

"I was going to discuss it with you."

"Kailan pa? After everything was finalized?"

"Xiara, this is a ten-billion-peso opportunity. Hindi puwedeng lahat ng bagay ay kailangan pang pag-usapan nang paulit-ulit."

Napailing siya. "Especially when it involves my money?"

"Your money? Isn't it our money?"

Napatawa si Xiara nang mapait. "Interesting. Kapag may kailangan ka, our money. Pero kapag ako ang may kailangan, personal problem ko."

"Don't twist my words."

"I'm not twisting anything, Joross. I'm finally listening."

Tumayo ito at kinuha ang briefcase. "Attend the luncheon. We'll discuss this after."

"No. I won't attend unless my lawyer has reviewed the documents."

Mabilis itong lumingon. "You're bringing a lawyer into our marriage now?"

"You're bringing my finances into a business deal without my knowledge. I think that's reasonable."

Hindi na sumagot si Joross. Padabog itong umalis. Naiwan si Xiara sa hapag-kainan, tahimik na nakatingin sa upuang iniwan nito.

Dati, siya ang unang sumusuyo kapag nagagalit ang asawa. Siya ang unang humihingi ng tawad kahit hindi niya alam kung ano ang kasalanan niya. Pero ngayong umaga, hindi siya gumalaw.

Minsan, ang katahimikan ay hindi tanda ng pagsuko. Minsan, iyon ang unang hakbang para matutong lumaban.

---

Bandang tanghali, dumating si Hailey sa kanilang bahay.

"Hello, Xiara."

Pumasok ito sa sala na tila komportable na komportable sa lugar.

"Hailey. What brings you here?"

"Joross asked me to pick up some documents. He left them here yesterday."

"Then you should ask him where he placed them."

Napatingin si Hailey sa mga papel sa mesa. "Busy ka?"

"Obviously."

"Business matters?" Ngumiti ito. "You know, I think you should stop making things difficult for Joross. He's under a lot of pressure."

Napatingin si Xiara sa kaniya.

"Is that why you're here? Para turuan Ako na maging better wife?"

Hailey chuckled. "No. I'm just saying that Joross needs someone who understands his ambitions. Hindi iyong bawat desisyon niya ay kinukuwestiyon."

"Then perhaps you should be the one to understand him."

Nawala ang ngiti ni Hailey. "Excuse me?"

"Since you seem to know so much about his needs, maybe you should handle his problems."

"You're being rude."

"And you're being intrusive."

Tumayo si Hailey at inayos ang kaniyang bag. "Don't forget that Joross worked hard to reach where he is now."

"I know. I supported him when no one believed in his business. I was there when he had almost nothing."

"Then why are you acting like he's your enemy?"

Dahan-dahang tumayo si Xiara. "Because supporting someone doesn't mean I should let him destroy me."

"Let's see how long you can keep that attitude."

"I hope you don't have to find out."

Mabilis na umalis si Hailey.

Nang maisara ang p***o, saka lamang nakahinga nang malalim si Xiara. Hindi niya alam kung saan nanggagaling ang bagong tapang niya, pero alam niyang ayaw na niyang bumalik sa dating sarili.

---

Kinagabihan, tinawagan siya ng matalik niyang kaibigang si Camille.

"Girl, kumusta ka na?"

"I'm fine."

"Xiara, we've known each other for years. Huwag mo akong bigyan ng automatic answer."

Napangiti siya nang bahagya. "You're still annoying."

"And you're still avoiding the truth. What's happening?"

Ikinuwento ni Xiara ang tungkol sa anniversary dinner, sa pagpunta ni Joross kay Hailey, at sa dokumentong may financial undertaking sa pangalan niya.

"Wait. He included your assets without discussing it with you?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

"Hindi yun okay, Xiara."

"Alam ko. But maybe I allowed it to happen."

"Trusting your husband isn't a crime."

"But ignoring my own needs was my mistake."

Natahimik si Camille bago sumagot.

"Hindi mo kailangang sisihin ang sarili mo dahil nagmahal ka. But you have to take responsibility for what you do next. You can't keep sacrificing yourself just to prove that you're a good wife."

Napaluha si Xiara. "What if I don't even know who I am anymore?"

"Then get to know yourself again. Start with the things you used to love. Start making decisions for yourself. And please, stop asking for permission to have feelings."

"Thank you, Camille."

"Anytime. Remember, you can lose a relationship without losing yourself."

Pagkatapos ng tawag, nanatili siyang nakaupo sa gilid ng kama. For years, she had measured her worth through how much she could tolerate. Kapag nasasaktan siya, iniisip niyang kailangan niyang maging mas understanding. Kapag hindi siya pinapansin, iniisip niyang kailangan niyang maging mas patient.

Akala niya, love meant enduring everything but perhaps she had misunderstood love all along.

---

Tumayo siya at humarap sa malaking salamin. Tinitigan niya ang sarili. Pareho pa rin ang mga mata niya, ang mukha, at ang babaeng minsang puno ng pangarap.

Pero kailan niya hinayaang mawala ang dating Xiara?

"Where did you go?" bulong niya sa repleksiyon.

Unti-unting tumulo ang luha niya. Naalala niya ang babaeng mahilig mangarap, magbasa, at magdesisyon para sa sarili. Ang babaeng hindi natatakot magsalita kapag may hindi siya gusto.

Hindi niya kailangang maging perpektong asawa para maging karapat-dapat mahalin. Hindi niya kailangang tanggapin ang lahat para lamang masabing matatag siya. At higit sa lahat, hindi niya kailangang mawala ang sarili niya para lang hindi iwan ng ibang tao.

Kinuha niya ang cellphone at nag-message sa abogado.

Xiara: Attorney, I want a full review of my assets and all documents connected to the Delacroix partnership. Please include every authorization under my name.

Mabilis ang naging sagot.

Attorney Ramirez: We'll schedule a meeting tomorrow, Ma'am.

Huminga nang malalim si Xiara. Tomorrow, she would face the truth. Not as Joross Vander's wife, but as Xiara Wren—a woman who still had the right to choose her own future.

Ilang sandali pa, may pumasok na mensahe mula kay Vincent.

Vincent: I hope you're doing okay. Don't let anyone make you feel that your voice doesn't matter.

Matagal niyang binasa iyon. May kirot sa kaniyang dibdib habang naaalala ang lalaking minsan niyang iniwan. Ang lalaking hindi niya piniling pakinggan noong panahong hinihingi lamang nito ang isang pagkakataon.

Ngunit hindi muna siya sumagot. Dahil ngayon, kailangan muna niyang matutong pakinggan ang sarili niyang boses.

At sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang mahabang panahon, nakatulog siya nang hindi naghihintay ng tawag o mensahe mula sa kaniyang asawa.

Hindi pa tapos ang laban niya. Pero nagsisimula na siyang lumaban.

At hindi alam ni Xiara na sa susunod na araw, ang unang taong haharap sa kaniya sa boardroom ay ang lalaking matagal nang naghihintay na makita siyang tumayo para sa sarili niya.