Chapter 1

I felt dizzy as I prayed to every saint that I knew, begging for the test to turn out negative. My hands trembled while I stood inside the cramped bathroom of our apartment with its light still flickering, and panic swirling in my chest. I could practically hear how loud my heartbeat was—each thump felt like it echoed off through the small space.

Please be negative.

Please be negative.

Please be negative.

It had been several minutes since I took the test and yet, I still couldn’t bear to bring myself to look at the result. I just graduated from university and just started settling at work. I am barely managing to keep myself alive, let alone eat proper meals everyday. How could I possibly handle anything more?

I shook out my hands and tried to steady my breathing. I calmly reminded myself that my period had been late before too. That maybe I might have been just overreacting. But this time… it just felt different. Probably because I knew that there had been that one night a few weeks ago. And something like this wasn’t able to happen.

After taking one final deep breath, I picked up the pregnancy test that had been sitting on the sink. I then slowly opened my eyes, bracing myself, then slowly removed my finger from the test.

Two lines.

The test revealed as I completely removed my finger from it.

The world seemed to stop as I was stunned. The weight dropped onto my shoulders so heavily that I nearly lost consciousness at the time.

“You are taking so long!” Amara, my roommate, complained as she burst inside the bathroom without a warning.

She shot me a confused look before grabbing the test from my hand. “Let me see!”

Amara’s face, originally from a confused look, instantly drained of color. Her mouth then formed a bit ‘O’. ”You… You’re pregnant!” she shrieked.

I buried my hands in my hair. I had seen the results earlier, but hearing it come out from someone’s mouth loudly made it so much real. Of course, a mistake that occurred without protection or anything comes with consequences. And now, here I was, facing one.

Suddenly, flashbacks of signs that I should’ve noticed before hit me all at once—how I had become easily irritable, how the perfume that I loved so much before since I was fifteen suddenly made me gag, how Amara’s cooking doesn't feel appetizing anymore, and how my seatmate in work annoyed me more than usual.

“Hey? Vera?” Amara waved a hand in front of my face. “Are you okay?”

“I-I don’t think so…” I stuttered.

Amara’s expression softened as she held one of my shoulders gently and caressed my face.

“Look, Vera, you are pregnant,” she said softly. What are you going to do about this?”

Right. What am I going to do about this? I could barely able to take care of myself, let alone bring someone in this world and take good care of it. I do not know if I’ll be a good mother— especially when I never had one growing up. Bills, responsibilities, childcare, everything… felt horrendous. Yes, I have a job now, but I needed more time, more stability. And what about the child’s father? I do not want this child to grow up with an incomplete family.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Amara raised an eyebrow.

“Its just… way too early for me,” I said, voice shaky and about to crack. “And I wouldn't want this child to grow up without a father figure.”

“Is Chase the father? Your ex?” Amara asked, “Did both of you hook up again?!”

I immediately jumped up and said, “No!”

“Then who’s the father?”

“Well…”

How could I easily say to Amara that the father of this child that I am currently carrying is none other than the CEO of our company—someone I’d barely interacted with.