Chapter 10: Death is an Option

The betrayal was thick. I lost every hope that one day Knox might have changed his kind and chose me instead. I lost the very reason I had to live when I learned he wanted me dead to pursue his own happiness. 

Knox didn’t just break my heart, he shattered me completely. He drained the life out of me. I wanted nothing but to be happy. I wiped my tears as I stood up at my window.  

When will this suffering end?

Before I knew it, night had fallen again. The owls outside called from the woods, thriving in the dark. Their sounds often lulled me to sleep, it was like a quiet lullaby meant only for me.

I slept deeply for most of the night, only waking when the wind howled or the rain poured heavily on the roof. I don’t know when it started, but the sound was oddly comforting. Still, I preferred the softer, rhythmic pitter-patter. That brought more peace.

When morning came, it brought with it the same painful truth: I was still alive, still breathing, only to suffer.

I wanted to die. Desperately. The thought of waking up every day, missing a part of myself that used to be whole, my wolf was unbearable.

There was a knock at the door before January peeked his head into the room. He looked at me with pity, an expression I was growing used to. It seemed to be the only face people wore around me now.

“I brought you food. Do you feel like eating?” he asked gently.

I didn’t respond.

“Nov, please don’t treat us like we’re invincible,” January said softly as he stepped inside. “I’m worried about you. I know what Knox did was cruel, but please, fight through it. You’re strong. I know you are.” He sat down on the edge of my bed.

I rolled over, turning my back to him and facing the wall.

Strong? I had nothing left. No fight. No hope. Just the ache in my chest and the idea that death might be the only escape. I had even thought of ending it all, just so I wouldn’t have to feel this agonizing pain again.

“How about getting away for a while?” he tried again. “Go somewhere new. Another country, even. I’ll help. Please don’t give up on me.” He brushed a hand through my hair, but I said nothing.

By midday, Kaila came in to replace the untouched tray January had left earlier. She didn’t say a word—she’d stopped trying. I hadn’t spoken to her since the revelation, and she no longer knew how to reach me.

That evening, around six, January returned and found me wrapped in a blanket, staring at the wall. Just like he had that morning.

He sighed. “Kaila and I are going out tonight. I’ll leave some food in the kitchen. Heat it up if you feel like eating, sis. Maybe… let your wolf run a little. She might need it.”

But he was wrong.

I didn’t know where my wolf was anymore. She had gone silent weeks ago after the truth was revealed where Knox was considering death. I was nothing now—just a human shell.

I didn’t want food. I had lost count of the days without eating. Only water kept me going. Anything else made me nauseous.

My eyes had begun turning red. I could feel it—feel myself slipping. My canines were growing longer. I was turning feral. And once I shifted, I wouldn’t be able to return to this form again. I wouldn’t be able to think clearly, to feel. Before that happened… I’d rather die.

I heard January’s car pull out of the driveway. I got up and went to the window, watching the vehicle disappear down the road. This was my chance.

There was a place I had chosen—a place to die. To get there, I had to walk past the packhouse.

I gathered what little strength I had and left my room without leaving a note. I didn’t even glance at the living room as I passed. I opened the door and stepped into the cold without caring about clothes. The chill didn’t matter anymore.

I walked the path quietly. The moonlight lit the way. Without my wolf, I had no heightened senses. I was just a human now, relying on the dull tools I had left.

As I passed the packhouse, I stopped.

They were celebrating.

Knox and Emerald were there, glowing with joy. It was their son’s christening.

My heart cracked again, the pain suffocating. My eyes spilled tears on their own.

I didn’t even wish for anything anymore. I couldn’t.

I turned away and continued walking until I reached the cliff—a place I had seen once before. I paused, staring down at the water. It glittered under the moon, calm and welcoming, like it understood me. Like it was inviting me.

And I accepted its invitation.

Fate had been cruel to me. Death was the only way to free myself from it all. I walked to the cliff’s edge, breathing deeply. I never learned to swim. I knew it would be quick. No struggle.

I jumped.

The cold water swallowed me whole. I sank deeper, unable to breathe. I closed my eyes and welcomed the darkness.

Finally… peace.