Chapter Five

Something about Ryan’s tone sounded different, like he wasn’t really all that happy for her, and she wondered if he had something against Sammy. He wouldn’t be the only guy who felt that Sammy’s opinion of himself was a little unwarranted, but Beth couldn’t remember ever hearing Ryan say anything bad about him before. Her eyebrows knit together as she tried to determine how to respond. Should she thank him for the compliment, even if it might’ve been laced with sarcasm, correct him for essentially calling Sammy an ass hat, or explain why his reasoning was wrong? In the end, she did what she always did in similar situations and obliterate any twinkle of hope from her miserable existence.

“Actually, once he said that, he walked over to a group of popular girls.” Beth could hear the misery in her own voice. “God, you should’ve seen the way Carly Lyles draped herself on him.” She shook her head, wishing she could jar the image right out of her brain.

“Carly Lyles?”

Ryan’s voice was suddenly perky, and Beth glared at him. “Gag,” she said, watching a crooked smile spread across his face. “Yes! Carly Lyles.” She rolled her eyes. “Of course, Tiffany was there, along with Mindy and all of their little friends.” She tightened the fold in her arms. She knew Ryan had been interested in Amber, but since she’d turned him down, he must’ve decided to move on to Carly. Why were they even there that night? The baseball diamond was supposed to be her turf. It wasn’t fair that the popular girls took that over, too. Why couldn’t they just stay on the square where they drove too fast in their Camaros and Mustangs and stole puffs of cigarettes and shots of who knows what when they thought no one was looking…?

“Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I don’t think Sammy is Carly’s type.”

Beth’s head snapped up from the spot on the windowsill she’d been impaling. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t think he’s quite cool enough for her.”

“Not cool enough? Sammy is one of the most popular guys at school.”

“Yeah, and he’s also a junior. Most of those girls are seniors and are only going to date other seniors. Or college guys. It’s not like Sammy runs in the same circle as your brother.”

“Well, he was tonight. Besides, that’s different. Shane’s just in that group because he’s a good athlete. If he wasn’t the quarterback, and the shortstop….” She still couldn’t figure out how her brother came to be dating the most popular girl in school, even if Tiffany was a year younger than him. “It’s not like we’re rich or anything.”

“Maybe you don’t have to be. I think your brother’s popular because he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks about him. He’s just himself. And he really is a pretty cool guy, regardless of what you might think about him.”

“Are you really going there, Ryan? You’re talking about a person who calls me chubs, the guy who gave me this scar.” She pointed at the little mark outside of her right eye she’d gotten a couple of years ago. “If he’d thrown that book a half an inch to the left, I’d be blind!”

He snickered. “I know, Beth. I’ve heard the stories. Hell, I’ve heard the arguments. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean I think he’s cool—I just meant, when it comes to not giving a shit, your brother’s pretty good at it. He doesn’t let other people’s opinions bother him, so it’s easier for him to walk out there with his head up.”

She considered what he was saying. He had a point. Shane had always just assumed he was just as good as everyone else in their tiny, gossip-mongering town. Beth had a tendency to think the opposite. She glanced down at her cheap tennis shoes and thought Carly Lyles wouldn’t be caught dead in this off brand. Was that her problem? Was she not owning her own popularity?

“Beth, I don’t think it matters what you do. You’re not your brother. You’re never going to be like that—you’re too sweet to pretend you don’t care about other people or what they think of you, and you’re too smart to hide it. It’s different when you’re a guy.”

Her eyebrows were arched so high, she thought they might end up on the back of her head as she considered his words. “Thanks a lot. I’ll just leap to my death right now.”

Ryan snickered, certain she was joking, and she was. Mostly. “Again, not what I meant.”

“Maybe you should learn to speak English, Ryan.”

He laughed loud enough that if his parents’ bedroom was beneath his, they likely would’ve heard through the floorboards. “Beth, you’re perfect just the way you are. In a few years, when you graduate, none of these idiots will matter. Do you think you’re going to give a rat’s ass what Carly Lyles thinks of you when you get a full ride to college, and she’s living off her mom and dad’s dime, trying to finish community college in less than seven years?”

She understood now what he was getting at. “No, I won’t care what she thinks.”

“But…?”

He always could read her mind. “I guess… I just… what if she really does like Sammy, though? I mean, honestly, Ryan, we both know the kind of girl he’s interested in. Why am I even under the delusion he might actually be interested in someone like me? It’s stupid. I just need to find some nerdy guy to sit around and discuss Shakespeare with. We can… sip mineral water and listen to Debussy on the classical radio station.”

Once again, Ryan was laughing. “You mean someone like Terry Hixon? Or maybe Billy Flint?”

“Ugh.” Beth collapsed backward onto the floor, staring up at the white paneling that was the ceiling. Both of the guys Ryan had used as examples were nice enough but total dweebs. Even though she couldn’t see her friend, she could hear him laughing at her, likely picturing her going to prom, a nerd on either arm. She managed to pull herself up off of the pink carpeting. “Seriously, Ryan. Are those the type of guys I should resign myself to?”

He shook his head adamantly. “No, Beth. There are lots of guys you could date if you’d just open your eyes. Why you want to date a guy like Sammy is beyond me. I keep wondering when you’re going to turn around and see all of the decent, smart, friendly guys who are interested in dating you, but… you seem completely oblivious to them.”

His green eyes were sincere, and Beth felt her heartbeat catch for the second time that night. Surely, he didn’t mean….

“I’ve gotta go,” Ryan said before she could ask for clarification, or a list. “My mom gets mad if she thinks I’m up past 11:00.”

Beth glanced at the clock and saw it was a quarter past. She understood having heard Karen’s lectures about how important it was for Ryan’s heart that he was never tired. “Okay. Thanks, Ry.”

He only nodded in response. “Glad you got to talk to Sammy.” He smiled and then pulled his window closed, lowering the blind, and Beth continued to stare at it for a few minutes until Ryan shut his light off.

Her mind was somewhere between Ryan’s words and talking to Sammy when she heard a noise out on the street. Since this window was on the side of her house sandwiched against Ryan’s house, she had two choices—run over to the window that faced the front of the house and pull that shade open, hopefully in time to figure out what she was hearing, or crane her neck around the edge of the house here. Holding onto the sill, smashing her cheek up against the screen, she stuck her head out and listened.

The noise was a bit of a creaking sound, like a rusty bike chain. She heard it again but couldn’t see where it was coming from. A bird flittered in a tree in the front yard, and then the creaking sound filled the night one last time as it faded away. With her forehead creased, Beth closed her window, latched it, and lowered the blind. She crossed to her light switch and  turned it off before creeping to the window across the room. She pulled the corner of her blinds up and peered out. Off in the distance, she saw a lone figure on a bicycle peddling down her street. She’d recognize the baseball hat and flannel shirt anywhere, even at night.

It was Craig. Why in the world was he riding down her street this late? Beth’s stomach tightened, watching the solitary figure meander along, as if he hadn’t a care in the world. When he reached the stop sign, just a block away, his head slowly turned, and Beth felt as if his eyes were somehow leaping through the space between them, boring into her head. She dropped the blind, sucking in her breath and closing her eyes. A moment later, with a shaking hand, she pulled the blinds back open, just a crack, and peered into the night. Craig was gone.