Kabanata 3

Conscience 

"Liam…" I uttered.

"Ssh…" 

Napasinghap ako nang takpan niya ang bibig ko at marahang hinaplos ang batok na mas lalong nagpapangatog sa aking tuhod. 

Napakagat labi ako at parang naliyo bigla. Napapikit ako nang gumapang ang kaniyang kamay sa likuran ko paakyat sa balikat.

"You're affected…"

Dumilat ako na parang nagising sa reyalidad. Napatiim-bagang ako.

Mabilis ko siyang naitulak palayo at sinamaan ng tingin. Kumuyom ang kamao ko dahil sa halo-halong pakiramdaman.

"Fiel, I'm serious...." malat niyang sinabi.

"Are you out of your mind?!" I hissed despite my trembling knees. 

His face slowly turned serious as his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched. 

"Yes, if it's you—"

"You're insane, Liam! I can't believe that you could do this to your best friend!" muling sigaw ko. 

"Don't put all the blame on me, Fiel. You already saw the video. We do like what we had done! Hindi lang ako!" marrin niyang sinabi.

His jaw clenched more while he was intently looking at me. 

Nangilid ang luha ko. "Sinadya mong maglagay ng video para sirain kami ni Ken? Kaya mo ako inimbita?!" 

"No! It was not my plan…"

Napaatras ako nang humakbang siya palapit sa akin. Tuluyan nang namalabis ang luha ko habang dismasyadong nakatitig sa kaniya. 

"Akala ko iba ka, Liam… Ang taas ng tingin ko sa'yo. Tapos—"

"So judging me now?" he said in disbelief. 

I laughed mockingly and immediately turned serious.

"Oo! Ang sama mo! Ang sama sama mo para planuhin ang lahat! Sinigurado mo pang may video? Para ano ha? Anong klase kang tao?!" bulyaw ko sa kaniya. 

Umigting ang kaniyang panga. 

"I invited you there because I want to spend a last time with you. Kahit na nakaw na pagkakataon lang Fiel…" he mumbled. 

"Liar!" I yelled.

He smiled bitterly. "I've already made up my mind when I heard the news that you and my best friend are getting married…"

I gritted my teeth in irritation. "So inaamin mo nga na sinet-up mo ako?!"

He shook his head again and again. "No. I will never do that, especially with you. Gan'yan ba ang tingin mo sa'kin? We’ve been friends before."

Napaiwas ako ng mata sa kaniya nang nahimigan ang sakit sa kanyang tinig. Mahina akong napahikbi. 

I know Liam is a kind hearted and gentleman person, kaya hindi ko alam na magagawa niya iyon. At hinayaan niya lang na mangyari ang bagay na ‘yon.

"Bakit may camera? Sige nga!" 

I want to know. Dahll kung hindi niya planado ang lahat, bakit kinuhanan niya kami ng video. 

He breathed out heavily. "Because I want to record the stolen moment with you. I want to at least have some memories with us even just for a short period of time."

Nangunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Nagtataka akong nang-angat ng ulo.

"What are you talking about?"

"Handa na akong tanggapin lahat Fiel. Handa na akong sumuko, sukuan ka. Pero—"

"Talaga, Liam? Kung talagang gano'n bakit hinayaan mong may mangyari nga sa atin? Alam mong kasalanan! Ikaw ang nasa katinuan ng gabing iyon! Sana man lang..."

Humilamos ang kaniyang palad sa kaniyang mukha na agad ding binagsak.

"Fine. Natukso ako. Naakit. I can't resist your effects that night, Fiel. I've been trying to stop myself from admiring you-"

"Pero hindi mo ginawa! Sinamantala mo pa rin ang pagkakataon!" I stated.

"Maybe yes, maybe no," he sighed. "I'm planning to leave the Philippines after that night but accidentally, it happened. So do you think I can let you go after claiming you, first?"

"I don't fucking care, whatsoever your reason was. Pero huwag na huwag mong sasabihin kay Ken ang nangyari. Dahil hinding-hindi kita mapapatawad!" 

He laughed feeling insulted.

"G-Ganoon mo siya kamahal?" may kung ano sa kaniyang boses. 

"Oo! Mahal namin ang isa't-isa! Kaya huwag na huwag kang magkakamali na sirain kami!” matapang kong sinabi sa harapan niya kahit na para bang may kung ano sa kalooban ko ang tumutusok.

"Mamahalin ka parin kaya niya kapag nalaman niya ang totoo?"

I gulped. "Don't you dare Liam!"

"No secret will be hidden forever, Fiona! Paano kung mabuntis kita—"

"Damn you! It will never have happened!" I intruded in displeasure as I slapped his chest. 

He smirked. "You're not sure. We did it so many times."

"Hindi mangyayari iyon! At simula ngayon kakalimutan natin ang ang nangyari."

"Ayoko."

"Kakalimutan mo Liam. Hindi mo sisirain ang mayroon kami dahil lang sa kagustuhan mo!" sigaw ko. 

"Pero handa akong masira kung anong mayroon kami ni Trevious, para sa'yo,” seryoso niyang sinabi at puno ng senseridad ang boses.

Napatitig ako saglit sa kaniya. Gulong-gulo sa lahat ng mga sinasabi niya. We were good friends before. He's my boss and I’m his employee. 

Magkasundo kami sa lahat dahil may mga bagay na pagkakapareho namin. Naging komportable ako sa kaniya pero hindi ko inaasahan na ganito ang kahahantungan ng lahat.

I love my fiance and I couldn't let Liam ruin what we’d planned. My tears burst more as I intently looked at him. 

"Wala kang kuwentang kaibigan!" mariin kong sinabi sa kaniya.

Umatras ako palayo nang akmang hahawak niya ako. And another unfamiliar emotion written on his narrowed eyes. 

“I’ll resign,” I said boldly. 

Umiling-iling siya. “No…”

Hindi ko na siya hinayaan pang makalapit sa akin at dali-daling lumabas ng kaniyang opisina. Agad kong tinuyot ang luha sa aking mga mata bago taas noo na naglakad palabas ang Ishi’s restaurant. 

Where I was working for more than a year.

My chest was heavy as I walked out straight to my car and suddenly his voice appeared.

“Fiona…”

Agad kong binuhay ang makina ng sasakyan at mabilis na pinaadar palayo bago pa man makalapit si Liam sa akin. Napansin ko rin ang mga staffs na mukhang nagtataka sa nangyayari.

My sights are blurry while driving because of the tears that are edging my eyes. I’ve never thought that I could do this to Ken. 

I am trying my best to be a good partner for him despite his busyness at work, but I failed.

I stopped the car engine on the side road where no one was around. I covered my face with my trembling hands as I cried harder.

“I-I’m so sorry…” 

I tweaked my hair in regret. I don’t know how to face Ken. He’s been good to me. He saved me from my supposedly arranged marriage with someone. 

Daddy will surely rebuke me. I know how mad he was when I entered into a relationship with Ken. And now that I made a mistake… I don't know what to do.

Hinayaan kong umagos ang luha sa aking mga mata. Hirap na hirap akong kunin ang tiwala ni Daddy hanggang ngayon, tapos ganito pa. 

“I’m… I’m not a c-cheater, I am not!” I screamed in massive guilt. 

Napayuko ako, pumatong ang ulo sa manibela at mas lalo pang napahagulgol. “Oh God, I’m sorry… I-I’m sorry…”

After a couple of minutes of crying alone, I feel worn. My eyes were swollen and physically frail as well. 

I took a deep breath as my phone suddenly rang loudly. Mabilis kong dinukot iyon sa loob ng bag at sinagot. 

“Hello?”

“Fiona, where are you? You are not feeling well!” Mommy's worried voice arises. 

I smiled slightly. Mommy is always an understanding person but I don’t know what will be caused her if she knew what I’ve done. 

“Mom…” my voice thrilled. 

“Where are you? God baby, I’m worried…”

“I-I just went to Ken, Mommy. And I’m planning to go on my work but I felt dizzy.”

She sighed. “Where are you? I’ll fetch you there-”

“No need, Mom. I’m on my way,” agap ko. 

Muling bumuntong hininga si mommy sa kabilang linya. Maya-maya lang ay nagsalita siyang muli.

“Okay, be safe Fiona. I’ll cook chicken soup for you.”

“Thanks, Mommy…” I said smilingly as the line ended. 

Humugot ako ng hangin at sunod na tinawagan si Ken. Alam kong nasa kalagitnaan siya ng trabaho at ayaw niyang nai-istorbo kapag ganoon, pero kailangan ko na talagang siyang makausap. 

Natatakot ako na baka totohanin ni Liam ang pagsasabi kay Ken tungkol sa nangyari. Hindi ko alam kung may mukha pa akong maihaharap pagkatapos ng ginawa ko.

After a few rings, my fiance answered my call. 

“Ken? Are you busy?” bungad ko.

I heard him sigh. “Where are you?”

My eyes widened in shock. His cold voice sent shivers down my spine. And the thought immediately ran through my mind. Has Liam already told him?

My eyes watered. 

“Ken-”

“You’re not here in Ishi's restaurant. Where are you?” ulit niya.

“Anong ginagawa mo d’yan?!” hindi ko napigilan ang pagtaas ng boses dahil sa kaba.

“I’m gonna fetch you, Fiona. You are not feeling well yet you still insisted go to work. What do you expect me to do?”

“Ken…” I was shivering.

“Again, where are you? I’ll be there. Tell me-”

“I’m fine, Ken. Pauwi na ako,” nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil sa narinig.

“You can still drive?”

“Yes.”

He breathed out again. “Just be careful, please. Where exactly are you? So I can follow you-”

Damn!

“H-Hindi na Ken. Sa bahay na lang tayo magkita. Uh, puwede ba tayong mag-usap?” 

“We are already talking-”

“Seryosong pag-uusap Ken,” I interrupted. “Sa  bahay na lang.”

He chuckled. “Alright, I’ll be there. Do you need something for me to buy? A food?”

Nangingilid ang luha sa aking mga mata. Conscience is extremely smacking my whole system. How could I do this to him? I sob silently. 

“W-Wala na Ken. I just wanna talk to you. I just want to spend time with you. C-Can I ask for your time even just this day?” nagbabakasakali kong sinabi.

Alam ko naman na hindi niya magagawa iyon dahil bawat minuto ay mahalaga para sa kaniya. 

“Hmm, sure. Do you want us to watch a movie marathon? We can’t go out since you’re not feeling well.”

“S-Sige sa bahay na lang…”

“Alright. I will cancel all my appointments today. Let me take care of you-”

“Trevious!” gulat kong sinabi. Pero naputol na ang linya. 

Napaawang ang labi ko, hindi inaasahan ang gagawin niya. 

Kinalma ko muna pansamantala ang sarili ko bago inumpisahan magmaneho pauwi sa bahay. Papikit-pikit na ang mga mata ko pero sinisigurado ko pa rin na safe akong makakauwi.

Makalipas ang halos bente minutos nang dumating ako sa harap ng bahay agad akong nag-park at pumasok.

Naamoy ko agad ang niluluto ni mommy pero diretso na muna akong nagtungo sa kuwarto dahil ramdam ko ang paghapdi ng aking mga mata. 

“Fiel…”

Nabapaliwas ako nang bangon sa higaan dahil sa panaginip tungkol kay Liam. Napasabunot ako sa inis nang bumukas bigla ang pinto.

Umangat ang ulo ko at nakita kong pumasok si Ken, may dalang tray ng pagkain. 

“You’re awake,” aniya nang nakita ako.

Ngumiti ako at tipid na tumango. Akmang babangon ako nang nagsalita siya. “No, stay there…”

Nangunot ang noo kong tiningnan siya hanggang sa makalapit. Pinatong niya ang tray ng pagkain sa gilid ng kama.

“How are you? You were sleeping when I arrived so I just help Tita Flora in the kitchen,” he chuckled. “Are you hungry now?”

Tumango-tango ako. Naninikip ang dibdib ko habang nakatitig sa kaniyang mga kayumangging mata. 

“Let me feed you-”

“Hindi na, Ken. Kaya ko naman,” putol ko. 

My eyes suddenly teared. This is the moment I’ve dreamed of before. That he would take care of me whenever I got sick or I should be the one who would take care of him, but now I don’t know anymore what I should’ve felt.

“Why? You don’t like this?” tukoy niya sa chicken soup na umuusok pa dahil sa init.

I shook my head and smiled lightly. “I just did not expect that you’re here to take care of me…

Pumungay ang kaniyang mga mata. Tumango siya at muling binuhat ang tray ng pagkain at tumayo. Pinatong niya iyon sa mallit na lamesa sa loob ng kwarto at muling lumapit sa akin.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sariling mapaluha sa harap niya nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at marahang hinapos. 

“Mommy talked to me about us. She reminded me that it seems that I am losing my time with you because of my work…” he said.

“Ken-”

“Did I make you feel taken for granted?” there was regret in his voice so I immediately shook my head.

“No-”

“Don’t lie,” he breathed. “I-I just realized that we are already getting married and I should’ve spent a lot of my time with you…” he smiled.

He dried my eyes as soon as he gently caressed my cheek, down to my chin. 

“I’m sorry for being a busy boyfriend for the past few years. I just want to gain my Dad's trust so I am working so hard. But now I am planning to sell some of our resort branches and invest with others so I can lessen my hectic schedule.”

Napahikbi ako. Gagawin niya ‘yon para sa akin? Sunod-sunod akong umiling sa kaniya. 

“You don’t have to do it, Ken. I understand that you’re a businessman…” I disagree. 

I closed my eyes tightly when he closed his face to me. Nagdampi ang tungki ng ilong namin. Patuloy niyang hinahaplos ang aking mukha. Hindi rin matigil sa paghinto ang aking luha. 

Do I still deserve him? Pagkatapos nang nagawa ko, deserve ko pa bang makasal sa kaniya? Hanggang kailan ko maitatago ang totoo? 

“I already made up my mind, babe…” he whispered and his hot breath touched my face. 

He doesn't deserve me! Nirerespeto niya ako habang kami. Kaya paano na lang kapag nalaman niyang…

“Let’s build our own house, babe. And let’s move there while preparing for our wedding…” he declared that making me burst into tears.

I slowly opened my eyes and directly stared at his moist lips that were almost touching mine. I swallowed hard.

He touched my lips gently while looking at me intently as he was about to kiss my lips, it was so near lightly touching when we were interrupted by the loud sound of a phone call. 

Sabay kaming napalayo sa bawat isa dahil sa gulat. Agad siyang tumalikod at lumabi naman ako habang dinadampot ang cellphone kong tumutunog. 

I secretly gritted my teeth in irritation when I saw who was calling.

Sir Liam’s calling…