Shifting

I rush to get ready, knowing Jack will be here for 6 a.m. on the dot. I’m incredibly nervous after what happened yesterday; they all saw it. I open the door at 6 a.m. and go to walk out and find Jack about to knock. He just glares at me for a moment, then turns and starts walking towards the forest, expecting me to follow. He doesn’t say a word the entire walk to the clearing. Once there, the day goes by exactly how the last training session went, with a couple of different instructions from Jack, but that’s it. He speaks as little as possible. I understand; people are afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid of the unknown. “You will learn, you will succeed, and you will survive.” Star states it as fact. I am strong. I am smart. And I will survive. I repeat my own mantra. On the way back, Jack speaks up as we’re almost back at the cabin, “You’re not trusted here.” He states it as a fact. I sigh, “I know Jack,” I reply. I go to walk into my cabin and hear him whisper quietly, threatening, “If you ever have your claws in our Alpha again, I will kill you.” And he walks away. I don’t turn back or reply as I walk into the cabin.

Exhausted physically and mentally, I jump in the shower but end up sitting down for a while letting the water run over me till it turns cold. I turn it off and decide to put a leave in conditioning mask I found knowing my hair won’t react well to all this cold water. Miss Scowly returns with two more books as I’m making a tea. She slams them on the counter but doesn’t leave. “Don’t tell me you’re my teacher?” I ask not even giving her a glance. She smells like way too much perfume and it’s so overpowering I almost throw up. She scoffs, “Thank the goddess I’m not,” she retorts. I turn to her, my hip against the counter as I blow on my hot tea. “Oh so you’re just an errand girl,” I state as a fact. She’s visibly very angry now. Wow that was easy. “Be careful Akira, I don’t trust her. Remember to stay smart, don’t act off impulse with her. It’s what she wants.” She growls. I don’t look her way as I walk towards my bed intending to read for the rest of the night. “You’re nothing special you know. You will never make it in the pack. Noah is taking pity on you because you’re a lone wolf with no family and nowhere to go,” I look up at the sound of his name, and wonder how much she really knows. “You’re nothing but a charity case that makes him look good to the counsel.” I sit down and get comfortable. Pulling a book towards me while I calm myself down and try to take nothing to heart. Even if it were true, that’s honestly fine with me I decide. I need help and if that’s what he’s willing to give I don’t care the motive behind it. “I truly appreciate any help your Alpha is willing to give me,” I say opening the Moon Goddess book to the page I left off at. She laughs and adds before she leaves, “The Moon Goddess has nothing for you here, clearly you’re all used up, no unmated male will ever accept you. Especially with someone else’s mark on your torn up body.” The door closes and I throw my tea at it. “Calm down,” Star says. I start pacing, “Calm down? She just dragged the floor with me. And everything she said was true. Who would want to touch my body with all these scars all over me. Those wolves took every thing I had. My mind, my body, my soul!” I yell at her. “Why? Why me Star? Why did this happen to me?” My body is shaking. I’m so angry, I feel like I’m going to burst. “Remember what we’re here for Akira, we need to-“ I cut her off, “I know we’re here to learn and become stronger. Become better. And to make sure that shit never happens again,” I’m pulling at my hair, this urge to run is to strong.

I leave the cabin and run to the forest behind it, shedding my clothes, not caring who is behind me because I can hear their feet hitting the ground following me. As soon as I pass the forest line I jump and shift. Running at full speed to the clearing, the only spot I know. I wasn’t ready to show anyone Stars true form yet but I haven’t shifted in so long and all my emotions were too much for me to handle right now. As soon as I made it to the hill I howled. Long and loud. My anger was left in the woods but my heart hurts. It hurts for the people I’ve killed, those beautiful lives lost because of me. I’ve had to fight and kill to save my own life and Stars, it may be nothing to a normal, born wolf but I’m not used to this lifestyle. I’m in mourning. For more than just the lives that were taken because of me, but for my own life, my old life, the one I’ll never have back. The old Akira is dead and gone. Who am I now? Will I ever fully know when no one else does? I shift back, and sit back on my heels, tears streaking down my face as I stare up at the moon. She is beautiful, and the stars are shining just as bright.