Actually Funny Jokes For Adults

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Seven Classic Faery Tales are given a very adult makeover. You are entering a world of myth, magic, and Immortals. Throw in the humans for the added spice of erotica and violence. Mix together and you have dark adult faery tales ........ Do not read if easily offended!

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

At a high school reunion, my wife, Hillary Sheffer, known for her great luck in gambling, ends up losing three million dollars to her first love, Shane Norris. This amount included the two million dollars that we had set aside to buy a new house as well as the life-saving money that I needed for my mom's brain surgery. I'm so furious that all I feel is iciness permeating my pores. Then, I question Hillary angrily, "Did you lose to Shane on purpose? I've never seen you lose before when you gambled during family gatherings!" But Hillary turns her head away from me righteously. "There's no such thing as full confidence in winning every game when it comes to gambling. All I can do is cough up the payment whenever I lose. "Besides, it's difficult enough for Shane to raise his own kid after getting divorced. What's wrong with me lending him a helping hand? "You're a grown-up now, Lucas. Stop being so stingy and petty." As Shane wraps an arm around Hillary's shoulders, he pushes the die toward me. Mockery can be seen plastered all over his face. "Hey, Lucas, you should be a good sport and know how to accept defeat gracefully. You already have Hillary as your wife. Meanwhile, I just want some money from her. Isn't this fair enough? "Then again, I can give you a chance. Let's go for one more round, you and me. If you win, I'll return the money to you." Everyone else begins cheering us on, eager to watch an exciting drama unfold. I don't respond to Shane at all. Instead, I pick up the die. After leaving Harkensalle, I've sworn that I will never touch anything related to gambling ever again. I never thought that I'd end up breaking that vow in less than three years.

Late one night, I was scrolling through social media and stumbled upon a trending post. "Does your husband ever say you're obsessed with your brother?" One comment sat at the top with thousands of likes. The profile picture showed a cartoon girl covering her mouth, laughing. "Oh, I can answer this one! My husband used to say that too, but here's the thing: he's actually the son I had when I was 19!" Every word oozed with smug satisfaction. Some commenters tore into her, calling her manipulative and her husband a total sucker. She only got bolder. She posted a screenshot of a bank transfer with the details blurred out, right next to a photo of limited-edition sneakers. "All my son had to say was he liked them, and my husband caved! Then he gave him extra cash for a fancy dinner!” "A guy like this? If I don't milk him, who will?" I stared at the sneakers and the transfer amount. They matched exactly what I had bought for my "brother-in-law" that afternoon and the money I had just sent him. Down to the last cent. Ice shot through my veins. That sucker she was bragging about? That was me.

After my girlfriend's father hit someone with a car, he took his own life because he didn't want to get arrested. But in doing so, he left behind a huge debt he had racked up. In order to help my girlfriend pay off the compensation, I work around the clock as a food deliveryman. Every day, I sleep less than four hours just to squeeze in more work. But when I finish delivering a new order, I notice a man clad in a bathrobe standing in front of me at a hotel suite's doorway. He's completely covered in hickeys. A young woman dressed in a sexy nightgown hugs him from behind. "I'm absolutely famished right now because of how long you've been tormenting me in bed earlier, darling! Hurry up and grab the takeout!" I can only stare at the woman, completely shell-shocked. That's when the bag of takeout slips off my fingers and crashes onto the floor. The woman takes a step backward. Her brows drawn into a frown, she exclaims, "How are my boyfriend and I supposed to enjoy the food now that it's all dirty?" After that, she kicks the takeout at me right away, spilling grease all over my clothes. I remain rooted to the spot, still stunned. This woman… is Irene Swensen, my girlfriend who's about to get engaged to me.

To save her dying brother, Harper Quinn sold her virginity at a secret Halloween auction. The winner: a masked stranger with silver hair, crimson eyes, and real fangs who paid ten million dollars for one unforgettable night. She never expected to see him again. She definitely never expected to get pregnant. Three months later, Prince Valerian Nocturne (Crown Prince of the hidden vampire kingdom) kicks down her door. “You’re carrying my royal heir, little human. You belong to me now.” Kidnapped into a world of eternal night, Harper discovers she’s part of an ancient prophecy. Their child could walk in sunlight and save the vampire race… or destroy it. But when a golden-eyed ancient king emerges, claiming Harper’s soul was his five centuries ago, war erupts between two immortal princes who will burn everything to possess her and the baby. One night. One secret. One impossible love that defies death. Dark, steamy, possessive vampire romance with secret baby, royal drama, and “touch her and die” vibes.

"I want you... right here... right now." I breathed. His lips hovered over mine, his breath mingling with my own as he spoke. "Once I start, there's no turning back." I swallowed hard and nodded. My gaze dropped to his lips, full and tempting. I watched, craving, as his tongue swept across his bottom lip "How could I possibly want you to stop when my body is aching for your touch?" The words slipped before I could stop them. For a second, I thought he would push me away again, but then something in him snapped. His lips inched closer to mine, and his fingers lightly stroked my cleavage. The touch made my breasts push higher against my dress, my nipples tightening, my chest heaving as my heartbeat raced. It was all getting too intense, and I was tempted to run and pretend this never happened. But the ache between my legs was too strong to ignore. I wasn’t about to let this moment slip away. “Kiss me," I whispered, pressing my body closer to his in a slow, seductive tease. “Make me forget him....” A dark and intense forbidden love story about a good girl gone bad, Clairessa Hartwood thought she had it all—until heartbreak drove her to revenge. After catching her boyfriend, Adrian Storm, cheating, she seduces his powerful father, Gabriel Storm, while withholding the truth about her previous relationship with his son. Gabriel finally gives in, and they begin a passionate affair, even as Adrian tries to win Clairessa back. Clairessa wants more from the relationship, but Gabriel, still haunted by past betrayals, refuses to commit and ultimately breaks things off. Clairessa navigates heartbreak, desire, and love, she finds herself trapped in a dangerous love triangle between father and son.

For ten years, Autumn Lewis and Julian Carter were childhood sweethearts. After three years of marriage, all she got in return were injuries, neglect from her brothers, and betrayal from her husband. When Autumn found out she had stage-two stomach cancer, something in her finally let go. She picked herself up and rose from an unnoticed employee to a powerhouse in the tech world. As soon as the divorce cooling-off period ended, she tricked Julian into signing the papers and made a clean break. The next time they met, the ever-calculating Julian’s eyes turned red as he tore up the divorce certificate. “Autumn, I was wrong. We’re not getting divorced. If I could give you my stomach, I would—just please don’t leave me.” Her once-proud brothers now pleaded, “Autumn, forgive us. Your sister-in-law is filing for divorce. Could you spare us some money?” Just then, a man stepped out from behind her, lifted his shirt slightly, and sneered. “Autumn, why waste your time on these jerks? Look at me instead.” Indeed, affection that came too late was worth less than dirt. She didn’t care for it anymore.

Stella was a product of a domestic violence family. Watching her parent fight was an immense, heartbreaking, seasonal film, that resulted in a tragic end when her mother's life was cut short in one of their fatal fights. Getting married to Richard Jacob made a considerable difference from the one her parents had. It was blissful, peaceful, and full of Nirvana until Bella Jonathan walked into their lives. Their life took a drastic turn when Stella fell into a tricky trap, which was likely to tear her family apart or worse become a vast menace to her health. Overcoming the thorny phase in their union seems impossible as their source of difficulty kept amplifying and the chances of their marriage withstanding it was slim. In what case do you think it is advisable to stick to the vow of "For Better or Worse? Will Stella's marriage survive these hard times even though she's a marriage counselor?"