Turns Out Cats Are Endgame
"Everyone, the apocalypse has started. I know you're looking for protection. I've got Caucasian Shepherds, a lion, and crocodiles. Any one of them can handle zombies. If you don't want to die, come join me. However..."
He let it hang.
"If you want my protection, you'll have to pay."
A guy leaned out his window and yelled, "How much?"
Total shut-in. Slept through the countdown. Woke up with two sewer roaches as his "pets."
Loyal or not, roaches weren't saving anybody.
Alan smiled. "Sixty pounds of grain per person. Every month."
The whole complex exploded.
The apocalypse hit out of nowhere. Even the people who panic-bought only had a few hundred, maybe a thousand pounds of food.