Captain Underpants Sayings Novels & Stories

Two drunkards were talking to each other. ‘You can piss in my mouth if I don’t finish up this mug of rum.’ He laughed esoterically. The second drunkard said, ‘No, I will not only piss in your mouth. I will also fuck your lady.’ Everybody laughed. Captain Casablanca shook his head in disdain, and said, ‘Fools.’ A fat lady walked to Captain Casablanca’s table, and spoke with a husky voice, ‘wel-co-me, gentlemen.’ She spoke with a seductive voice. Rolling her eyes, ‘How many pints of rum do you care for?’ she rolled her gown over. Thomas smiled, and said; ‘Get us.’ Captain Casablanca stamped on his feet, and he groaned in pain. Captain smiled, and said, ‘My lady. Get us four pints of rum.’

Fucking female. "Whose go is it?" it was lunchtime, and I had pissed myself the fuck off with my own thoughts. I threw my gloves to the side and emptied a bottle of water with one swallow. "It's hot as a bitch in this fuck. The fuck are you fools looking at?" "What's up with you, Cap? Somebody piss in your Wheaties or some shit?" Zak and his tongue-twisting ass, when he does talk, he gives my ass a headache. "The fuck are you talking about?"

“There’s the Captain I know.” “What?” He waved a finger lazily at me like I was a toddler trying to sneak cookies. “Don’t try to change your label and go from ‘arrogant-asshole-who-says-too-little’ to ‘Mummy Grandma who talks with her eyebrows and thinks feelings are contagious.’” I blinked at him. “I’m fine, Captain” he said again, this time more firmly. Like he wanted me to believe it just because he said it. I scoffed, dragging a hand down my face. “You really are a fucking asshole.”

“It was one time—just one time!” “Oh yeah? Because my ears are still in therapy.” I clutch my chest dramatically. “I swear, the neighbors probably thought someone was filming Fifty Shades of Captain Fuck-Me next door.” She gasps, flinging a pillow at me. “Shut up!” “Right there, don’t stop... you feel so good,” I say in the most dramatic imitation of her voice I can manage, tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks. “Shit, Captain, I’m gonna cum so hard for you!”

I_pooped Willy, who the heck taught you that? Are you cheating on me with another peasant? Will_the_devil No, I- I_pooped ... Stop talking like that! Who is teaching you these things? Will_the_devil Comments on wattpa- I_pooped Finish the damned sentence, Willy, or I am going to kill you! Cereal_killer Sksksksks I_pooped ... Cal...are you okay? Cereal_killer Yeah, I am laughing? Isn't that considered okay? Jajajaja

The back of my shirt is already sticking to my back. “Golden Boy, are you asking me to strip for you?” Mave makes a gagging sound. My face flushes. Why would he say that here with people listening? Why would he say that at all? “Didn’t I tell you that the Captain is not an ass licker? You are disgusting the poor guy.” Mave grumbles. I don’t turn around to look at him, I keep my eyes on my feet, taking deep breaths to find my center again. The refuge camp is completely worn out but the floors are lacking the holes for me to disappear through.

"Open your eyes and look carefully! That's our captain! The Pirate Queen!" Hank's legs gave out as he collapsed on the deck while Winnie's phone slipped from her hand again and it fell on the deck with a clatter. She kept shaking her head, her words all over the place. "No... There's absolutely no way that's true! If she's the Pirate Queen, then why would she wash our underwear and take out our trash every day?!" I walked over to Kaplan's sofa and sat down, crossing my legs. Kaplan immediately scrambled over on his hands and knees and used his sleeve to wipe the dust off the tip of my boots.

How could he mock me publicly, those were my feelings, I turned around and ran, "I hate you Brad! I hate you" Present day. “Ughhh… yes, right there,” The girl’s breathy moan echoed off the tiled walls of the girls’ restroom like she was auditioning for a bad romance movie. I froze mid-zip inside my cubicle, eyes widening. “Shh, baby,” a deeper, husky voice murmured, half-laughing. “We don’t want others to hear us.” Too late for that.

They needed to know the name of the god they had just tried to spit on. "You have a great deal of nerve, Lord Vance," the Captain rumbled. His deep, gravelly voice wasn't a shout, but it carried a lethal, resonant frequency that vibrated through the wooden floorboards and rattled the remaining shards of glass in their window panes. "To stand in your cheap, gaudy silks, parading around this insignificant border market as if you hold the world in your soft, manicured hands," the Captain sneered, his lip curling in absolute, unfiltered disgust. "To allow your idiot, spoiled son to draw breath to insult a man whose boots he is not even worthy to lick."

Floyd replied “Well..Well you seem to have a mouth on you. I’m Captain Eugene Krates and why does a punk kid who seems to have never heard the word discipline think he can just barge in here interrupting a work out session and insult me.” Captain Krates replied “Um… Everybody has a mouth you fucking dumbass but nice of you to point it out just and to let you know it’s justgetting warmed up and Why do I think I can come in here and insult you well maybe it’s because I was bored and just proved I can do so.” Floyd replied. “Oh we’ve got a smart ass with an attitude problem here if you're half the bad ass you seem to