Captain Underpants Sayings Novels & Stories

He was talking to the bartender. "Yeah, just give me my tab," David was saying, his voice entirely devoid of the boredom he’d shown her. "She looked completely different from her pictures. My aunt conveniently forgot to mention her size. "I'm not wasting my evening pretending this is going anywhere.” She deserves someone who's into… that.

he barked. "Bruh, is that your best kickass line? Because that's pretty stupid. I know stupidity is a privilege, but are you sure you should be abusing that privilege?" I retorted. "Bitch, you really got some mouth, don't you? I guess uncle is gonna teach you." "You know, I said those exact same words to a little patatino of mine. You wanna hear what I did?" I smirked. "Not that I care, but what?" He said.

Besides, who exactly gave Todd the illusion that he was someone important? I scoffed. "Todd Westman, from the moment you had the audacity to spout all that, you lost the right to speak to me." People could only communicate meaningfully when they were on the same intellectual level. Seeing how resolute I was, Todd struggled frantically and screamed, "No… Babe, listen to me. I can explain. I was just confused for a second. I love you!" "Shut up. Just listening to you makes my ears feel dirty."

I closed my eyes and said with the full force of my emotionally unstable ancestors: "By the gifted ovaries of every woman who's ever had to hold in a scream during a wax, By the passive-aggressive texts of angry ex-girlfriends, By the sacred gossip of aunties and the dark magic of retail therapy, I command these man-ribs to stop being little bitches." Killian let out a strangled sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a wheeze. I opened one eye. "Do you feel better?" He was biting his lip, his shoulders shaking. "I...was not...expecting that."

I responded. "As if you can stab me with that tiny hand of yours." "My hands know how to choke people too. Wanna try?" I sarcastically replied. "You bet." He said "That's enough." The Captain interrupted in an authoritative voice while playing with his knife in his hands. I looked around and saw the grinning faces of the people inside the cabin.

Said Pink. "If I wasn't in good mood, I would beat that ugly face of yours so it could match your shoes, but since I'm not, I'll leave that to Allen while I take care of the two wannabe Captain America's." He looked Type and Earth in the eyes taunting them "So, shall we get this on the road or are you'll all talk?"

Did…did he do something to me? Charlie squinted, his eyes darkening a little, and said coldly, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you but you had better stay put. Now, you can at least control your sphincter. If you dare to make another reckless move, I’ll make sure you can’t even control your sphincter! By then, you will urinate and defecate anytime and anywhere like a one-year-old child. This is the final chance I’m giving you.” The man was scared out of his wits when he heard this!

The thing that comes out of one's butthole. The brown black-ish smelly thing. Technically, when he slipped, the envelopes around him flew through the air, like the ones in the movies where someone graduates. But instead of caps, they were brown and white envelops. Ah, "I told you." He grunts. "Can you please help me up?" I smirked, "Did the bad boy just say please?" "CHLOE!" I chuckled, "Okay, okay!" I bent down on my knees and helped him up, making sure that I'm not anywhere near the smelly poop.