Comedy Texting Novels & Stories

Currently, two texters are chatting on their messaging apps… Sender 1: Hey, will you still be showing up later? Sender 2: I don’t know. It will be pretty late when this party ends, I’m sure of that! Sender 1: What?! Aren’t they supposed to be just talking about business? Sender 2: Well, it started out that way and now they’re being all chummy and nice. Sender 1: That doesn’t sound good. Should THAT even happen?

With a smaller audience next time? I hit send and squeezed my eyes shut. How was it Lincoln could flirt and express his feelings over text, but not in person? Maybe I should start all conversations with him via text in the future. Tall, Dark & My Boyfriend: If it’s bad, I don’t want to be good. I legit squealed like a preteen girl at a One Direction concert in the restaurant bathroom when I read his reply. Before he could change his mind and go silent on me, I thumbed out a response.

“I got some news also but would be when we meet, run along now, Ms. Budweiser…. (Laughing emoji)” “Have more fun, Gracie, (Kisses emoji)” NK texted. “And Jody, Gracie’s place by evening. Call?” “Call,” I replied, “Call!” Jody texted in her usual excited manner and we all went off.

’ I found myself thinking. “What do you want, stranger?” I texted back. “How’s my celebrity doing?” he typed, adding a grinning emoji. I smiled at the emoji but sent an angry face. “I’m kinda good,” I added, sending a sad face emoji. “ Oh no…red alert!.. I’m coming to pick you up…get ready!” He replied immediately. “I’m okay Drew.” I texted. No reply. “Drew?” Again, no reply. He hadn’t even read them.

She did things to him that all the silicone titties in Hollywood didn’t. Speaking of . . . he decided he’d text her, too. You awake? The response was slow in coming. I am. Well, he didn’t get much out of that. Not even a smiley face? You have a good night? He sent back. Sleep well? Yes. I thought about you last night, he sent to her. Jerked off three times. What?? Joke. Oh. Okay, so much for phone flirting. Don’t suppose you want to send me a selfie to make my day better?

“It was quite an accident. Lucian texted my phone… thinking I was someone else.” I smile, trying for a sexy grin. I have little practice in that area, so it probably looks more like I’m constipated. “It was a very enlightening conversation, to say the least.” Far from being angry, Lucian chuckles beside me.

“You’re still using that joke?” “Until she admits she still gets butterflies when he texts,” Jessy said. I shot her a look, but my face betrayed me with heat. “He’s just checking in. It’s… polite.” “Uh-huh.” Jessy leaned closer. “Polite people don’t text at two in the morning asking if you’ve eaten.” Ethan grinned. “She’s got a point.” I groaned, hiding my face in my hands. “You’re both unbearable.” Jessy laughed triumphantly. “That’s because we’re right.”

My breath hitched. My fingers rushed across the keyboard as I texted him "I'm so wet, baby," while a shiver coursed through my body. Drew responded with "Aww" even before I got a chance to finish typing my message and sent a playful emoji. "Can we sext?" he asked, the words a direct invitation.

Did he send this to five other people too? I pulled my pillow over my face and let out the most dramatic groan known to man. This was stupid. This was nothing. I was making it something because… well… it was Dean. And because he never texted like this. Not me. Not ever. I grabbed my phone again, opened the chat window, and typed: "That's cute." Then I deleted it. I typed: "Miss me already?" Deleted. Too thirsty. I tried: "I’m good. Hope you enjoyed your overpriced oat milk latte."

The phone dinged. BRIDGET: So you DID get laid I still was not going to answer that question. Not to Bridget. BRIDGET: {Musical Note Emoji} Al got laid! Al got LAID! {Musical Note Emoji} Gritting my teeth, I sent her a gif of a guy beating his head on the desk. ME: Drop it My phone dinged. It was another text from Bridget, but not in our direct conversation. In horror, I opened that message.