Novel & Cerita Cursed Pickup Lines

“I don’t even like them! One’s a growly menace and the other looks at me like he’s mentally undressing me while plotting my murder.” Inara just took a sip of water and raised a brow. “Sounds like mating season.” “I’m serious!” I pulled the pillow over my face again and screamed into it. “Why me?! I don’t want some overpowered magical sugar daddies with god complexes. I want normal problems. Like passing math. Or not dying in the gym.” She laughed so hard she dropped on the bed. “Violet, listen to yourself.” I peeked at her. “I’m cursed.”

“This is not how the old scrolls said it would feel!” His shoulders shook, not from emotion, but from revulsion. The sacred kiss of binding… tasted like vending machine coffee and exhaustion. It was truly, officially, the worst moment of his eternal life. Theo was still hunched over the trash bin, wiping his mouth and muttering ancient curses under his breath when a loud bang shuddered the entire office. The door slammed open with the force of a divine trial. “SELENA?!” Ericka’s voice rang through the room like a war cry.

I hear a voice at the background, a deep sketchy voice. "I said to choose how to break her but you didn't. Now I choose how you will hurt her. You will divorce her and I want it to be done publicly. Using this exact line, 'you said if ever you were burden I should feel free to let you go. You are a burden Sasha Vahemir. I am setting myself free from your curse. I want kids with you and I know you can't give me that. So I will move on to someone better. Someone who is a better woman than you ever will be' I don't care how you say it but make it believable or I won't hesitate to kill your mum. You have 15 hours to decide before I decide", the video goes dead and I feel stupid.

Kenny sat down, crossed his legs, and lit a big cigar. “My gift to you is number one, a beating you will remember for the rest of your life or number two, a more merciful option, you grovel at my feet begging me for mercy while you refer to me as your lord,” uttered Kenny as he blew the smoke from his cigar at Luke’s face. Luke was terrified, shook to the core, but his pride did not let him loose face. “no way I’m going to grovel at a rat’s feet. Do the very worst you can, you inferior specimen,” Luke said firmly, concealing his fear perfectly.

He doesn't know me enough to realize I'm actually okay with whatever bad thing that happens to me. "You're my mate, so I guess you should know this..." I mumble, Justin gives me a very stressed out look, "I'm cursed." "What?" He asks, face all scrunched up, "What do you mean? By a witch or something?" I laugh. "No, just by life. I'm a bad luck magnet. Everything that could possibly go wrong... it will one hundred percent go wrong for me," I let him know. He looks dumbfounded, "So we say I'm cursed, it's just a funny little thing.”

“I am going to take that as a no.” “I am glad you are catching on so quickly.” “So what is a girl like you doing in a place like this?” “That is fucking terrible” “I could not help it. I just had to say it.” “What is a guy like you doing in here in any case?” “Is that a real question or a fucked up line?” “Do you know me to say fucked up lines?” “I guess it's a question, then.” “You are guessing, right.” “You have some explaining to do.”

Hop around holding my foot. “THIS IS WHY!” I yell. “Danny dumped me! I’m a walking disaster!” I collapse on the bed. “Maybe he kissed Natasha because she doesn’t trip over oxygen. Maybe she doesn’t get attacked by furniture. Maybe she’s not cursed.” I sit up slowly. “…I am cursed.” Even I wouldn’t want to date me. Heat builds behind my eyes. Lips tremble. One tear escapes. Then another. Then a full-on sobbing mess, voice breaking halfway through Jingle Bells, because apparently the universe likes cruel little jokes.

No one knows anything about cleaning, but when it comes to rudeness, they know a lot! Just relax Ken, just calm down! "No way!" Take care of that! What is your luck? Who are you to lift me? Have you ever seen a gay man pick up a woman? Nothing! "Oyyy, okay, Hubby, my head hurts, so I can't walk properly." Really Trix? tss, no matter what you say, I will never pick you up, but if you say that I will pick you up to throw you in the trash, I will do that, I will really throw you away.

“If a guy tries one of those cringy pickup lines, we all freeze and go: ‘You can see us?’ like we’re ghosts. Then we ran towards him with crazy laughter.” I wiggled my eyebrows at them with all the enthusiasm of a sleep-deprived squirrel. Kate looked over her shoulder at me, laughing. “Where do you get these crazy inspirations from?” “From one crazy chick on I***a.gram reels,” I said honestly. “She’s a gift from the chaotic gods.” I don't want to take credit for something that isn't my own creation. “I’ve used a bunch of her stuff. Works like a charm – guys run off like scared weasels. Which, obviously, is the goal.”

I clinked my glass against his and took a long sip, the alcohol burning its way down my throat. “So,” he said, leaning closer. “Whoever he is, he must be a fool to make a woman like you unhappy.” I arched an eyebrow. “Is that your attempt at a pick-up line?” “Did it work?” he asked, grinning. I couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe.”