Drunk Funnies Novels & Stories

For eight years, I was Vincent Capelli's wife, his right hand, and the only person who ever saw the man beneath the Don's cold mask. Then he got drunk at a negotiation, and slept with his secretary. He called me first, voice shaking with guilt. "Bella, I made a mistake. I paid her off. She'll never come back." I believed him. Six months later, he was ambushed in Miami. His secretary drove through a hail of bullets to save him. And she was three months pregnant. When she gave birth to twin boys, the whole Capelli family celebrated. Framed for stealing the family heirloom, I asked for a divorce. Vincent, desperate to keep me, dared me to drink a bottle of 150-proof spirit. He thought I'd never do it. I reached for the bottle. He stopped me, and gave me all the freedom I wanted. "Come back when you're done running," he said. I left and never looked back. Until the night three killers cornered me in an alley.

Eight years ago, my cousin Wendy Cooper was involved in a drunk driving hit-and-run. Yet, my parents made sure all the evidence pointed toward me. The victim's family waited outside my school every day with gasoline, threatening to die with me. Because of that, the school took away my guaranteed admission to university. That day, my parents and brother all tried to persuade me. "Wendy's terrified. Just give her your spot to make her feel better." I refused, fought back, and even tried to talk them out of it. But the next day, they handed me over to the police themselves. Lance Stewart, my fiance and a powerful business tycoon, had orchestrated it all. As he was afraid I'd run or cause trouble, he personally pinned several charges on me and sent me to an isolated island prison. He left me with no way out. When my sentence began, he made me a promise. "Esme, just endure it for a few years. I'll get you out once Wendy graduates, and then we'll get married."

I never expected one reckless night to come back and haunt me like this. I signed a fake engagement with my best friend to escape my mother’s relentless pressure to settle down before I “missed my window,” just like she did after my father left. When he tried to force himself on me in his car, I slapped him hard and ended our fake relationship immediately. Heartbroken and shaken, I got drunk at a luxury hotel bar and ended up in bed with a charming stranger. The pleasure was disappointing, so in my frustrated state I insulted his performance, threw money at him, and warned him never to speak of that night again. Weeks later, my lonely mother excitedly introduced me to her new boyfriend, the man she wants to marry. It turned out to be the same stranger I paid and humiliated. Now he’s about to become my stepfather, he teases me mercilessly about that night, claiming my body while my mother is just around he corner. The forbidden attraction is dangerous and someone else knows our secret.

The yacht that my parents and my younger sister, Amanda Portman, were on exploded in the middle of the sea. None of them survived. Despair and heartbreak fill my senses when I'm faced with an empty home and an astronomical debt. Just as I'm about to jump off a rooftop, I see comments appearing before my eyes all of a sudden. "The truth is, your parents have won a jackpot of 300 million dollars. They've taken Amanda on an overseas trip for some fun!" "Heheh! Amanda doesn't even know that the so-called poor and blind boyfriend, whom she's just broken up with, is the heir of the Wright family. He's just pretending to be poor around her." "Once Amanda comes home after spending all of her money, she will get imprisoned by the enraged Mr. Wright as a form of punishment." "Hey, cannon fodder! Hurry up and die already! I can't wait for Amanda to make her glorious return!" It's at that moment I decide not to die. That night, I barge into Xavier Wright's rented apartment while completely drunk and drenched.

When my husband accompanies his childhood sweetheart to the vet to treat her pet fish, my son accidentally spills his drink on her. My husband watches as his childhood sweetheart's eyes redden. Then, he slaps my son hard and throws a stack of cash at him. "This is your chance to make up for your mistakes. Buy Wendy a dress—make sure it's white!" My son dries his tears while holding onto the money. He roams the streets, searching for a white dress in the middle of the night. When he finally finds one, he ends up getting beaten to death by some drunk hooligans. Even in death, he clutches the bloodied skirt tightly. I burst into tears of despair as I hold onto his body and call my husband over a dozen times. However, he's too busy with his childhood sweetheart's fish. He blocks my number. When he finally calls me back, he sounds icy and angry. "Wendy is still waiting for that dress! Where has the little brat gone to? Can't he even handle such a simple task?"

His precious childhood sweetheart got drunk one night and ended up in a stranger’s bed. When she showed up again, she was pregnant—just like me. On the day I gave birth, Harold handed me the divorce papers. "Rachel’s about to return to acting," he said coldly. "She and the baby need a proper title. If a scandal breaks out, it’ll destroy her." Dragging my frail body, I calmly signed the papers. In my previous life, I refused to step aside. I went live, holding my daughter, and exposed the award-winning actress Rachel Underwood for knowingly becoming the other woman. The internet turned on her. She lost every endorsement and was driven to the edge by massive fines—eventually jumping off a building. Harold quietly took care of her funeral... and then stood by as her fans harassed me in the streets, even tried to burn my child and me alive. It was not until I saw him lock the door behind us that I realized—he had wanted us dead all along. Then I woke up. And it was the day he gave me the divorce agreement... again.

Everyone called her the replaceable spare. Forced to marry the ruthless billionaire Sebastian King in her spoiled younger sister Clara's place, Seraphina Voss endured the ultimate humiliation on her wedding night — when her drunk husband passionately whispered another woman's name while claiming her body. Betrayed by her own family, disowned in public, and branded a scheming gold-digger, Seraphina was forced to live as an invisible ghost in her husband’s mansion for one month. When the contract ended, she walked away with nothing… only to discover she was carrying his twins. Five years later, the neglected daughter returns as Seraphina Monroe — the untouchable CEO of Verve Luxury Fragrances, a global empire built from the ashes of her pain. Cold, powerful, and breathtakingly successful, she no longer needs love or forgiveness. Yet Sebastian King, the man who once destroyed her, now finds himself obsessed with the woman he threw away. Will the arrogant billionaire finally grovel at the feet of the wife he once called worthless, or will Seraphina make him pay for every tear she shed?

She called him at two in the morning, wine-drunk and heartbroken, and told him everything. That her boyfriend of five years had been lying to her face. That she had built his business with her bare hands and he had been quietly cutting her out of it. That she was done being practical about love and intended to date every beautiful man she could find and she meant it. She did not mean to tell him he was on the list. Enoch Wade has been in love with his cousin since he saw her at her 19th birthday party. He has spent six years sending birthday gifts and keeping his distance and being exactly what she needed him to be, safe, reliable and family. The drunk call ends that strategy entirely. By morning she has an employment letter, a plane ticket, and three days to start over in London. What neither of them knows is that the tag that held them apart was never true. Some lines were meant to be crossed. some lines were never lines at all. My Dearest Beautiful Cousin — a forbidden romance

What to do when you're in love with your best friend's girl? For Jordan Baker, the answer is obvious - steer clear. But sometimes, life has other plans... Evan and Karli Anders have been married for five years. She’s making plans for them when he gets home from his business trip. An unexpected knock at the door turns out to be Jordan Baker – confirmed bachelor, Evan’s best friend, and the man she’s convinced can’t stand her – standing there, still in his EMT uniform, to give her the most horrible news of her life… Evan’s been killed in a drunk driving accident. Karli must now navigate burying her husband, then prepare to face an additional challenge alone - have and raise the child she just found out she's carrying. Or so she thinks. What she doesn’t realize is that Jordan would happily step up and be the loving partner she wants and needs for the rest of her life - if she’ll only let him in. But an unforeseen twist could dash all Jordan’s hopes for good.

My husband, Kieran, is the heir to the Thompson family. In the three years of our arranged marriage, he has never once touched me. I told myself he was just cold and guarded, that I could find a way into his heart, little by little. Then one day he came home drunk, pinned me to the bed for the first time, and called out his first love's name. "Camilla, all these years... I've thought of you every second of every day..." That was when I knew. All the passion and love he possessed was already spent on another woman. I pushed him away, burned every photo of us, and went to a high-end club in New York full of handsome male models. Nine months later, I walked into the airport with my newborn baby in my arms. Later, Kieran searched the world for me, his eyes bloodshot. He asked in a trembling voice why I never told him I was pregnant, why I wouldn't let him see our baby. I glanced at him and gave a light, breezy smile. "Who said the baby was yours?"