Drunk Funnies Novels & Stories

The day Sofia died, I scattered her ashes into the sea myself. In my last life, I called her my stepmother for thirteen years. She pulled me from dead last at a school in the slums to the top ten in the whole city, gave me the first dress of my life, and taught me how to sit straight at the Moreno dinner table and never bow my head to anyone. On the late nights when my father Leon got drunk and smashed his bottles, it was always her who closed my bedroom door first, then walked alone into the living room to face the man that love and power had already driven mad. Seven days after she died of her illness, Leon finally lost his mind. He charged into the sea off the old docks, screaming, "Sofia, I was wrong! I'm coming down to be with you!" I clung to him with everything I had, and in the struggle I fell into the freezing water myself. When I opened my eyes again, I was five years old. Sofia was crouched on the floor, tying my shoelaces. Her fingers were warm, the pads still carrying the thin calluses left by years of holding a pen over the ledgers. I threw my arms around her neck and buried my face in the crook of her shoulder. "Mommy, this time I don't want anyone else. I only want you."

"Sophie Patterson. Don't you dare walk away from me." Logan's menacing stare bore at me. I suddenly didn't feel drunk anymore. I sobered up quickly. "What, Logan? You're gonna tell me that you suddenly love me again? That you're here to sweep me off my feet? Please! I didn't need you all this time, and I don't need you now." He clenched his jaw, fisting his hands. "Enough. Stop being so damn stubborn. You know I do. I love you. I never stopped loving you, Sophie. It was always you." I left my hometown hoping to never see him again. I left with his baby still inside of me. Seven years after, and here I am again. Standing before him and a six-year-old wanting to know who his dad is, and asking me to marry him because everyone in his class but him and his best friend don't have a daddy.What am I supposed to do with all these feelings that are resurfacing? I'm realizing every day that I never got over him. I merely suppressed my feelings, and him telling me this now- in my face, just made things more complicated.

In a world full of werewolves, witches and humans, the humans didn't know about the existence of the werewolves or let me say, some humans. Alex Warren, an alpha to blue moon pack, the biggest and strongest pack, has been looking for his mate for so many years. Entangled with different kinds of ladies in the city, but still couldn't find her. Almost giving up, he finally had a one night stand with a young human. Ellie Loren, a pretty and easy going girl, who's in love with her childhood friend. As an alpha of his pack, he was forbiden to have anything to do with humans, but he couldn't stop himself from hovering over his human mate even while she was drunk, but what will happen when he wakes up the next day but couldn't find her near him? Will they ever cross paths again even after he had marked her? Or will a night stand turn into an unexpected outcome. find out in The Alpha's human mate. "How can my mate be a human? This is forbidden." He said looking up to the man standing before him. "Then do you prefer to stay alone for the rest of your life, or you can get married to whoever your mother chooses for you." The man replied back. He didn't say anything, he only sighed in frustration.

One night stand with her boss brought Anabelle to her downfall. Secretly crushing on her boss for years, Anabelle took advantage of his drunk state and had sex with him with the hope that he would finally notice her. Her hopes were shattered when in the morning of it all, he threw her out and offered to pay for her services like a random whore he had just picked from the street. Unfortunately, her actions got her pregnant and to add to her sorrow, she was kicked out by her parents. Anabelle thought she would struggle and Carter for her baby alone. Five years later, her son's life hung in the balance and there was only one person who could save him and that was the man who had hurt her so deeply years ago and also the father of her son, Hazel De Valle, president and CEO of De Valle's corporation. Will Anabelle put her hurt aside and seek the help of her baby's father? What will Hazel do when he suddenly finds out that he has a son with a woman that he doesn't even remember? Hazel had vowed never to fall in love or ever get married, will that vow be broken or will he just take his son away and use his power to silence Anabelle? Read more to find out.

With Alpha Cain…there's just something with him that makes my blood boil to the hottest degree, my mind roaring with spite and disdain every time I look at him in the eyes. I often ask myself, "Am I really sure to be the Alpha's Pet or am I just looking at the fastest way to die?" Maybe I'll never know the answer. Maybe I also knew the answer already. But deep inside, one thing's for sure: I hate Alpha Cain. But I also like some part of him. And I hate that part of myself that liked the part of him. *** Anastasia is an I-don't-fucking-care type of Omega who, because she's already bruised outside and broken deep inside, just accepts whatever comes her way. But Alpha Cain somehow liked her wicked mouth. She's the only Omega who can talk back to him with enough sarcasm and wits that most of his pack members lack of. And in the tradition of most packs, whether in every year, months, or even weeks and days, the Alpha will choose among Omegas as his Pet: a more accurate term for his personal bed warmer. It is an actual title in a pack reserved to only one person, with benefits and privileges on its own. And because Anastasia accidentally became drunk the night Alpha Cain tested her skills in bed, she rode so wild and satisfied the Alpha more than he expected. And a hate-to-love, pet-to-lovers tale began to unfold.

3 years ago, the Southern witch sealed the mate bond between Dylan and me with her spell. She said that if we still truly loved each other after 3 years, the bond would remain. Otherwise, it would be broken. During these years, I helped him become the Alpha of our pack as his Luna. But in his heart, there was someone else, his childhood sweetheart, Eleanor. When Eleanor found out that we had started our mate bond, she chose to leave with another werewolf. Dylan was drunk and cried out her name in my arms. His wolf claws scratched me. At that moment, my arm was bleeding, so was my heart. But I believed that he would gradually fall in love with me as time went on. I thought 3 years would be quite enough for that. When the 3 years are almost up, Eleanor returned. Dylan dropped an important meeting to meet with her. We lost $2 billion because of that. Dylan started being by her side every day, just like before. I used to be so afraid that when the time came, we wouldn’t be in love, and that I might lose Dylan. 7 days later, our mate bond would be gone. This time, I didn’t care anymore. It was just a countdown for me to become the Alpha Queen of my own pack.

I gave my full support when my father decided to set aside $2.1 billion in trust funds for his three illegitimate kids. Things had been very different in my previous life. At the time, the company urgently needed capital for a new project, and I had convinced my father to postpone setting up the trusts. I never imagined the three of them would take it as an attempt to seize the family fortune for myself. Furious, they went street racing to vent their anger. The result was a fatal crash. The car was destroyed, and none of them survived. Under my leadership, the company continued to grow at an astonishing pace and eventually secured a place on the Fortune Global 500 list. Yet on the very day I received the title of Young Entrepreneur of the Year, my father got me drunk and ordered my limbs broken. As I lay there screaming in agony, I demanded to know why he was doing this to me. His reply was filled with venom as he crushed my fingers one after another. "If you hadn't been so greedy for the inheritance, Ethan and the others wouldn't have gone out to clear their heads. They never would have died in that crash." In the end, my father beat me to death. When my critically ill mother learned the truth, the shock took her life as well. When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the very day my father decided to establish the trust.

I slept with my boyfriend’s twin brother, a Mafia don. One wild, drunk night, I gave in to him at his family’s masquerade ball, only to discover too late that the man who held me was not Nikolai my loving boyfriend. It was his twin Kieran Petrov, the feared don of the NY Mafia. A cruel man with blood on his hands, now I hold a devastating secret. I’m pregnant and I have no clue which of the brothers is the father. So when I decide to come clean to Nikolai and get closure before I leave the city, I find out a grave secret. Nikolai had been cheating on me with my best friend for years. So I run away, leaving it all behind and going into hiding. However, the Petrov family has enemies, does that want the only heir of the family dead. But Kieran tracks me down, he brings me back and present me with a deal I can’t refuse. Marry him and receive protection or stay where I am and die. I should hate him, in fact I do, he had known I was his brother’s girlfriend and still went ahead to make love to me. But I have no choice, I signed the contract and become Kieran’s contract wife. It was just for protection, nothing else, at least that’s what I think

Amelia Montgomery is one of Rosewood High's cheerleaders along with her best friend Stella Hayes. Her and Stella have been friends ever since kindergarten when Amelia fell off the monkey bars and Stella helped her up afterwards. Stella has a brother named Easton Hayes and he has always teased Amelia since she was seven. They both agreed that they thought he was a heartless prick who treats girls like rubbish. One Friday night Amelia decided to go to a party. At the party Amelia ends up slipping and falling into her worst enemies lap, but what makes the situation worse is the fact that some drunk dude accidentally stumbles into her causing her to slide forward and lock lips with none other than Easton Hayes. Oh how Amelia's life couldn't be anymore ruined. ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I lean in so that our noses are touching which causes us to close our eyes as our breaths become more harsher. "I can't stand being friends with you. Everytime I see you all I want to do is push you against a wall and kiss you" he whispers out which makes me smile a little "So, what are you going to do about it?" I ask him teasingly with a breathless voice "This" he says before he connects our lips which makes me reach up and place my hands on his cheeks.

“Please stop, you're drunk,” I whispered, my voice trembling as I tried to push him off. His body was heavy against mine, his movements sluggish but persistent. He barely heard me. “How old are you?” he murmured, his voice thick with alcohol. “18,” I gasped, heart racing in a mix of fear and confusion. “Then you're already an adult” he said with a low chuckle, as though that settled everything. I should’ve stopped it. I should’ve left. But I didn't have the strength to argue, didn't have the will to stop him. He moved against me again, and that's when I felt something cold touch the most intimate part of me…. I woke up alone in a dimly lit room. He was still there, his back turned to me, but his face-his identity-was still hidden behind the mask. I glanced down at his left shoulder. A Phoenix tattoo. Bold. Intriguing. But then, I didn't hesitate. I grabbed my things and ran, my heart racing as I left the room without another word. It was supposed to be just a night. One meant to be forgotten. And that's exactly what I intended to do. I didn't know his name. I didn't even know his face. It was a night meant to stay buried in the past. It was a night I promised myself I’d forget. But that promise broke when pregnancy came knocking.