Funniest Squidward Moments Novels & Stories

I held my breath, wondering where he was going with this little speech. "Hence, I have to push you now," he whispered from behind me, and I quickly turned to face him. "You're going to battle against me," he declared, watching me lift my head and frown at him. "You look like a giant; you'll squash me under your big feet," I blurted out, and Sawyer burst into laughter. I was taken aback, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from how openly he laughed. His laughter was cheerful and deep, and the way he placed his hand on his heart while beaming looked adorable.

He said, laughing along with us. “Dude, that’s not fair ! You got a kiss even before we went out for a date,” Zarek pouted as he tossed his drink down his long neck at once. “Wow ! This drink is really something,” Lucan squeaked. Everyone stared at him in surprise as they finished drowning down their drinks too. “What the fuck is wrong with your voice,” Corwin squeaked too and then held his throat to cough out the contents. “OH MY FUCKING GAWDDDD !!!!” Damon, Draven and I rolled on the floor as we heard them argue in their squeaky voices.

​"Did it actually work?" ​"Not even slightly," he chuckled softly. "Sophia once convinced me to eat a bright purple orchid on a ridiculous double-dog dare." He shook his head at the memory. "I was violently ill for two straight days. Worth it, honestly—the utter shock on her face when I actually chewed and swallowed it was priceless." ​I laughed—a real, unobstructed, easy laugh that echoed off the glass walls. It was the first genuine laugh I had let out in days, and Jett watched me do it with an expression so intensely tender it made my chest ache with warmth.

"Pregnancy has become disadvantage to you, Kitcat...I bet he'll tell you the grass is too green for you to step outside tomorrow." "Shut up, Liam. I'm not trying to make jokes." "And see...your pregnancy has become a disadvantage to me too...look at him snapping at me because of a fetus." "I'd advise you to shut your mouth, Liam...his face is getting red, it's about to swell...he's transforming into..." "Angry bird!" Liam and Fredd bursted out into hysterical laughing at their apparently funny joke...but Zillon didn't seem to find it funny, he was as serious as judge. "F*cking idiots..."

“In fact, you can punch it if you want. Or try having a shark metahuman grab you and pin you to the ground.” “Are you trying to sound sexual right now?” Watson, Rachel, Emily and I gave Jack a stone cold look for his inappropriate joke. Watson placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “We admit you’re funny. But right now...it is not the time, bro.” “Right. Right.” Jack nodded, his blonde hair bouncing at the action and he bit his pointer knuckles afterward. “Sorry. I’ll stop talking now.” “Thank you.” I said and turned to Rachel again. “As I was saying-”

Despite my attempt at sounding teasing and lighthearted, I couldn’t help but hold my breath as I waited for a response. Edwin’s brow furrowed in confusion, his head tilting to the side like a puzzled puppy. “Uh... Don’t forget to jiggle the toilet handle if you flush?” I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing, deep and hearty, despite the tension of the evening. Edwin grinned impishly as I picked up a pillow and chucked it at him.

“But, I mean, if you’re that desperate, bro, I don’t mind jerking you off. Charity work. For old times’ sake.” I stared at him. Deadpan. For a full three seconds. Then I said, voice flat as asphalt, “Even as a joke, that wasn’t funny.” He threw his head back and howled while Ellis choked on his beer, coughing and laughing at the same time, tears actually forming at the corners of his eyes. It wasn’t fun being the fucked-up sideshow. I took one last drag then crushed the joint out in the ashtray so hard the glass cracked.

Truson’s bouncers came rushing in. Suddenly, all four men paled and walked away, mumbling something about coming back later. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Aron asked, turning to face me. I shook my head. I wasn’t hurt—just deeply shaken. Then, someone handed me a fish skewer. Another shoved grilled squid into Aron’s mouth. I burst out laughing. Aron tried to punch Art, who was grinning smugly. “Want to switch? You don’t like squid?” I asked.

It was like someone punched me straight in the stomach. The laughter exploded even louder this time. It rolled through the hall, echoing against the walls like waves crashing down on me. It wasn’t just laughter—it was cruel, piercing, made to tear me apart. The kind of laugh people used when they wanted to crush you until you couldn’t breathe anymore. Adrian and Tricia’s laughs rose above everyone else’s, sharp and triumphant. I could see Tricia clutching her stomach as if it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.

I'm so gonna make fun of him for his tomorrow. I brought out my phone and hit the video button. The only way to make him believe is to film it. "Hey KC, can you say that again?" "Oh my god, cupcake. You're so fucking annoying. Mr Krabs is so gonna fire you for this. Oh! and tell Squidward I said cashy almost ran away yesterday. You should've seen it Cupcake, spongbob chased her all around Bikini Bottom" He laughed "Bikini Bottom"