Funny Dirty Jokes For Adults

My girlfriend keeps saying that she comes from a poor family, but she gives her childhood sweetheart a yacht on our anniversary. I text her to ask about this, but all she does is berate me. "Who do you think you are? How dare you stick your nose into my business! I'll give anyone whatever I want. My money, my call. Get lost!" Unbeknownst to her, I'm covered in blood on the other end of the line.

When struggling waitress Elira Cruz was forced into entering a contract marriage with cold, ruthless billionaire Caelan Ferrer, she thought she was sealing just another business deal: one year, no emotions, no strings. But behind that icy stare lay hurtful memories Elira unknowingly played a part in. Snowed in by her messy kindness, the man who swore never to love again slowly began to thaw. Secrets begin to unfold underneath. A hidden link ties them much closer than either one would have imagined. Will their fake marriage survive the truth...or will love become the price of revenge?

In my parents' hearts, there was always a "perfect son" who died too soon. I was just his flawed substitute, while my younger brother was their new hope. They pretended to be poor for 20 years, secretly funneling all their resources to him. While I was in the final stages of stomach cancer, writhing in pain, they were spending millions of dollars to build him a state-of-the-art study room. When the doctor told me to notify my family about hospital bills, I felt helpless, thinking they were just ordinary, broke workers. When my mom finally showed up at the hospital, she grabbed my hand, not out of concern. "Neville is under so much stress with his college entrance exams. Can you not die right now? He can't take it." My dad stood by, wearing a stern expression. "David was way more sensible than you."

When I submit my resignation letter, my boyfriend, Daniel Carter, happens to have an arm around the new intern, Kimberley Lester, while teaching her how to secure a deal that's worth ten million dollars. After he's done with his lesson, he finally spares my resignation letter a glance. "What are you on about this time, my dearest sales champion?" I reply calmly, "I've already transferred all details of the company's clientele to others. I don't want any bonuses and commissions of this quarter. In fact, I've already had the finance department recall the funds and list it as the company's funds." Daniel is stunned for a moment. But he still thinks that I'm trying to gain his attention by sacrificing my own benefits. "You don't want money, huh? Then what do you want? You want me to fire Kimmy? Or you want me to give you some of the company's shares?" He passes a cup of coffee to me, thinking that I'll act the same way I did in the past—that I'll endure everything and keep working my ass off for the sake of my sales team. But I just shake my head. Now, I just want Daniel to watch his company fall into bankruptcy.

Katalea and her new mate set out to find the missing hidden prophecies. They soon discover four other supernatural strangers tasked with the same quest. All seek the prophecies for their own reasons, but they must come together as a team in order to succeed. From five absolutely different walks of life, these six must learn to trust each other. Will they reveal secrets about their past in order to protect their future? Will they be able to keep the prophecies from falling into the hands of the one who would like to see them all fail, and become extinct? This story has it all, wealth and romance, travel and extravagance, and deep and dirty little secrets that could destroy them all.

The Falcon Ridge Series Book 1 Anna Riker: I have no patience for the military Security unit. I have a giant chip on my shoulder and it didn't help when one soldier almost gets himself killed and I have to save him. There's something about this soldier that gets under my skin. I don't want to find out, but the closer I get, the more I can't help myself. River Blake: I'm next in line to take over my pack. I joined the security unit over a year ago to appease my father. When he says I need my fated mate to get my title, yeah I'm angry. Until I see a woman, dressed in leather. She says our future together could never be, but I'll do everything i can to prove to her that she's for me and I'm for her. Michael Dorian: I know Im being used. I didn't mind at first, but now things have changed. When she meets some soldier, a rage boils in my gut. Like a powder keg ready to explode. I have to prove to Anna she's for me and only me. And I will. Even if I have commit treason and murder to do it.

In the third year of our marriage, my wife’s ex-boyfriend of eight years suddenly posted a picture on social media showing off a multi-million-dollar wedding house. His caption read: “Wow, got myself a huge villa, I’m the master of charming women!” I stared in shock at the picture, which showed my wife swiping her card at a sales office, and left a single comment: "?" A second later, my wife called to scold me. “I was just fulfilling a promise I made to him back when we were dating, buying him a house. Why are you getting mad at him?” “What? Are you really going to be so vicious as to force me to break my word?” That evening, her ex showed off another lavish post, this time flaunting a renovation bill worth hundreds of thousands. I knew it was a gift from my wife to please him. But by then, I no longer cared.

Their contract had expired a week ago and considering the fact that Miller's long term crush, Alexia was back from her six months trip, Miller decides to bring her back into the pack. Hurt and betrayed, Summer tries to reject him knowing she'd rather die than become his breeder, “I, Summer Dubios, reject…” Miller's cold voice cut her short instantly, “Summer! Are you out of your mind? You have no right to reject your mate! I’m not done with you yet. I alone have the right to reject you as my mate. Not until I am satisfied with the pleasure you bring, you're still my mate and you'll remain here till I have no use for you and that's final!”

After graduating from NYU, Victory Sinclair had her life all planned out. Well, at least the career part, that is. She has been accepted into one of New York’s leading advertising and media agency and will be joining the agency as a personal assistant to the CEO. Little did she know, a strange twist of fate is about to change the course of her future. An unfortunate accident with Arthur Knight resulted in serious consequences that would alter both their futures. What will Victory do? Would she succumb to pressure or would she follow what her heart tells her to?

Christmas is the most magical time of the year, right? That may be true for most people but not Julia. Julia has never had an easy life, she has been homeless for as long as she can remember and now she is raising a three-year-old the same way. She wants more for them both but she has no way of changing things, besides she's soon going to have to leave the only place that she's ever called home to keep them both safe. If anyone finds out her secret her world will be blown apart and that's something that she can't allow to happen. Riley has had the best life imaginable. He has loving parents, grandparents and his best friend Joshua has been by his side since he was a young child. He also runs several successful businesses and has everything he wants in life except for one thing... love. He wants someone to love, to cherish but his past still has a tight grip on him and holds a secret that not even he knows about. What will happen when both worlds collide? Can Julia get the Christmas that she has always dreamed of for her and her little girl? Can Riley learn to forget his past so that he can move forward and when Juila's secret is revealed and blows both of their worlds apart, will it bring them together or tear them even further apart and destroy Julia's world, just like she has always feared it would?