Funny Valentine Novels & Stories

I jested hoping that a little humor might let her know that I’m doing well and great and maybe distract her from wanting to know how am I holding up. “Valentine?” She chirped. “I feel perfectly awesome.” I lied. “I mean, I just saw his wife and his kid at a grocery store a week ago. Oh and did you know that he married Ivana? Well, I guess you already know that bu…” “What?” Yhannie uttered, cutting me off from finishing my sentence. “Hold up!” “You didn’t know?” I trailed. “That’s not true at all,” Yhannie spat which doesn’t make any sense to the things I’ve learned about Valentine at all.

His hand extended, asking for hers. “Obviously,” Valentine hissed as she kept rubbing the part where it hurt. Missy came in to view, fanning her hand on her nose as she laughed, “V, what did you eat for breakfast? It stinks.” Valentine glared at her, holding back the smile that urged to plaster onto her lips. Rolling her eyes, she placed her hand over William’s as he helped pulling her up. Her stomach betrayed and she had no other choice but to expel the air. Farting sounds filled the room, causing the four to erupt in laughter.

“Right, bro?” Khanu moved right next to Chanu to make her sit on each of their laps again. “What?” Val was now almost recovering. Wiping her foolish tears of joy and exhilaration. “ You guys, gay?” She teased. “What!?” The two shrieked in horrible denial. “Absolutely not!” Khanu slightly slapped her but on his side. “This needs a taste of punishment!” Chanu cupped her pussy in his hands, looking her right in the eyes. “Okay, okay, sorry….” Val retreated.

Justin said. "Stop making me cringe," Valerie said poking Justin. "Sorry, my Lady" Justin said in a British accent. "What's with this attitude?" Valerie asked. "Why? don't you like it?" Justin asked. "I do but it's hilarious," Valerie said. "This is me doing my best for you" Justin teased. Valerie was speechless and didn't know what to say but smile. "You know what?" Justin asked. "What?" Valerie whispered. "The butterflies I feel in my stomach when I'm with you makes me know how much I love you," Justin said.

I close my eyes, hoping to sleep away Valentine's Day. -Later... around lunchtime…- I roll over and feel something poking at my stomach. I reach down and pull out two other cards. I am nearly ready to chuck them in the waste bin when I notice one is from San Francisco. Talu. I open the envelope and find a kid's valentine, the kind that’s smaller than an index card, and it's got a goofy-looking dog on it. On the back it says: What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine's card? A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

We stayed there for a few seconds then he kissed my neck. “Colby!” I pushed him away and my hands immediately went to my neck covering it. He is bending over laughing. Grew up to be a jerk, as I can see. “I’m so sorry. I can’t help it. You smell so good.” he said while still laughing. “That’s creepy. You’re a creep.” I said as I look at him disgustingly, “Alright. I’m sorry.” He is trying his best to stop his laughter. “ But seriously, don’t go just yet. Let’s at least have dinner. The two of us.” he said as he put his hands on his waist and stood tall.

Val moaned in relaxation, god she really needed this massage. “Let me enjoy your massage. I will tell later” said Val closing her eyes. After ten minutes Val opened her eyes and held Jack’s face and kissed his forehead whispering “Happy Birthday Mr. Kelley” Jack smiled resting his forehead on hers “I am happy baby, Thanks for coming into my life, thanks for being my girlfriend, my wife and my everything and thanks for my birthday gift, this is the best gift I ever received” said Jack smirking and Val bit his nose hard.

She tried to scramble back to her feet, but the stickiness of the liquid held her down, like a prey caught in a trap. I shook my head again in disappointment, why do they trouble this poor girl? What is so funny in making another person suffer this much? I heard Ethan chuckle as he got up holding his phone in his hands. Valentina slipped and fell again, her clothes some part of her upper arm was now covered in the sticky paint. “Do you need help?” Ethan towered powerfully over her with a mocking smirk on his face, Valentina’s tired eyes shot in my direction it was as though she was asking for help, and I looked away immediately. “Say it, do you want me to help you?”

-Tyler I chuckled a little, figuring it was brotherly humor more than an actual malicious insult. "Sorry," Ryder apologized again as he came up behind me, reading the note over my shoulder. I handed it over to him, "He left a message for you too," I explained with a giggle. "I know, I saw it already," he complained with a groan. "You should probably call him... He's been waiting long enough." My fingers brushed over the delicate purple blooms. I'd received a rose or two for Valentine's Day in the past. Nothing major. Nothing breathtaking. Nothing like this. I buried my face into the blossoms, inhaling the floral scent and basking in it. It was incredible.

Valerie was embarrassed at how much of a bitch she looked in Arthur's eyes. "Argh! Arthur, I can't walk." Valerie knelt making the balls go deeper. Arthur smiled at Valerie's suffering face, he lifted Valerie's body and carried her bride style. "Let's start Baby." ***