Funny Valentine Novels & Stories

Her scowl was grim. “You sure are smug about going on a date with my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, aren’t you? “I’m getting to strip you naked so everyone can see your true form—a shameless fox!” She seemed to have transformed into the devil upon reaching this note. Then, her laughter turned sadistic while she commanded her group, “Strip her!” Countless pairs of hands seized me and started tearing at my clothes. I used what strength I had to put my hand up to guard against them, but it was no use.

His hand didn’t move away. Valerie giggled and leaned back, stretching in a way that made her cleavage even more obvious. Jack looked. Of course, he did. But then he looked back at me, and that was all I needed. I leaned in, lowering my voice. “So… tell me, Jack. Are you just here to hand out champagne, or are you planning on doing something a little more... fun?” His smile turned devilish. “That depends. What kind of fun are you offering?”

I sneered before grabbing my bag from the couch and storming out, my mind racing. It was when I was finally downstairs, I realized that I was in an entirely different state with no way home, “Fuck!” This was exactly why I hated Valentine's day. I didn't get cheated on this time, no, instead I was used by my fucking boss. I bet he sent his friends pictures and updates of me. Those times I thought he was talking to his company, it was his friends. A fucking bet!! Ughh I stood outside the hotel, trying to ignore my anger but it was impossible.

Today was Valentine's Day, and I wanted my husband to take a day off. "Stay home with me," I said. "Valentine's Day is the best time to make money," he replied, turning away. As he stepped out the door, he casually reminded me, "Call me if anything happens." I had planned to wait for him to come back, but at some point, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke, it wasn't to the sound of him returning—it was the pain that pulled me out of my daze. Cold sweat soaked my face as I gasped for air.

This is Geology for god’s sake and not a fucking pickup line class or dumb forums for dumb boys. Valentine is a clear shot joke! In the end, I have to answer all five of the questions on my own, to the best of my ability with my independent brain, and my own stock knowledge and my trembling hand and my own damn sleepy eyes. Valentine was just there sitting right in front of me playing something on his phone. He’s so insensitive and rude and handsome, and above all of that, he was a dull, stupid fatuous person.

He actually believed I had broken up with him just because of that Valentine's Day gift. The cracks had appeared when I was hospitalized with gastritis and had called him, only to find out he was out shopping with Kelly. When he had made me drink dirty water through deception just to make Kelly laugh. When he had gotten drunk over Kelly going abroad and had spent all night calling her name. My heart had already started to break then. Lie after lie, disappointment after disappointment. I finally ended things with him when he gave Kelly that diamond. I looked at Ivan calmly.

The bright smile on my face froze faster than water outside the harsh winter. I tried to inhale and it sounded like a weak doorknob rattling in my throat. Anslem. The man I believed was the love of my life. The one I was about to introduce to my family tomorrow — Christmas day— as my fiancé. The man I’m supposed to get married to by Valentine’s Day next year. “F-fuck! Baby… I’m— you’re so big…” Anslem moaned, his legs pressed to his chest, his cheeks flushed a dark crimson and eyes rolled back in pleasure.

The drawing has evolved in the short time she's been gone, taking on a haunting beauty that makes Lila's breath catch. "So," Lila says, settling onto a stool beside her friend, "are you going to tell me what really happened between you and the Alpha's son?" Dorothy's hand pauses over the paper. She considers deflection but finds herself suddenly weary of secrets. "I made him a Valentine," she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. "He tore it up without looking at it." Lila's eyes widen. "He did what?" "He didn't know what it was," Dorothy adds quickly, surprising herself with the defence. "He thought it was something else."

Others lead you home. The best Valentine's Day gift wasn't a proposal, roses, or someone's too-late regret. It was saving myself from a love that had already fallen apart.

On Valentine’s Day, I received a package with postage due. Inside the box was nothing but a rusted copper coin and a single sheet of paper. The handwriting was unmistakably my late wife’s. 'Hold this coin. Come at midnight. Pay one year of your life.' I assumed it was some kind of prank and casually tossed the coin onto the coffee table. But suddenly, the copper coin flipped over by itself. I didn’t know what came over me, but then, I clenched the coin in my hand and went back to the intersection where my wife had died. At exactly midnight, the coin burned hot against my palm. Then it started to shake. Through the heavy rain, the familiar white sedan appeared out of thin air. My wi