Hilarious Disclaimers Novels & Stories

"I need you to understand it better than you understood it last time." "I do." He looked at Hargrove steadily. "I also need you to understand mine. What you are describing as a pattern is a series of anonymous third-party accounts, one photograph that shows two people in a restaurant at separate chairs, and an I*******m video that shows nothing specific. None of this meets the standard for dismissal." "The standard for dismissal is not the standard for reputational damage," Hargrove said. "You know that." Damien knew that. "Two weeks," Hargrove said. "After that the board takes it from me." He closed the folder. "I am sorry it has come to this again. That is genuine."

“Maybe you should go to Hollywood and whip out them there lickable abs of yours.” He paused, the hammer hovering above a nail, and raised a suggestive eyebrow. “You agreein’ that my abs are lickable, princess?” “It’s called sarcasm, Conor.” I tried not to roll my eyes again. Damn, he was so eye-roll-inducing my brain hurts from it. “Okay, you stick to your sarcasm, and I’ll keep my abs.” “Were you planning on giving them away?” “These lickable babies? No way.” “Can you stop with the lickable?” I rubbed my temples with my fingers. “Cryable, yes. They’re very cryable abs. Lickable? No. Just no.”

He was trying so hard to control his breathing that his veins were popping out of his forehead, “Listen here, You cannot be discharged until you fully recover. That’s it.” Mr. Evidence shook his head in amusement, “Now. Now. You don’t have to care about my health anymore. Plus, I’m never returning to this dry hole ever again. So I’m helping you with your words by leaving on my own. And believe me when I say that it won’t look pretty if I am not discharged.”

I screenshotted a few for safekeeping. Just then, a few officers walked into my hospital room. "Hello. We're here regarding Tara Mansfield's defamation and the spread of explicit rumors. We need a more detailed statement." I told them everything, from beginning to end. The officer in charge nodded as I finished. "The evidence is solid. She's of legal age. We can absolutely move forward." He paused, then added, "But she hasn't graduated yet. If we pursue this, it'll likely ruin her future. Are you sure you want to take it that far?"

But now it looked more like restraint—like a storm held behind glass. “On what grounds?” His voice was steady, but his eyes flicked toward me briefly. Just once. And that fleeting look cut through my chest sharper than the words themselves. Zane leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, wearing a smirk that didn’t even bother to hide. “The board has received multiple complaints regarding misuse of company funds and unethical conduct,” he said, his tone dripping with false sympathy. “Until the internal audit clears your name, you’re to refrain from entering company premises.”

She states and looks around at her peers as she snorts. I look over between Zach and Dylan, "I'm sorry but I can't take such blatant disrespect no matter how pathetic the challenger I can't just bow out. I'm a Warrior and a Luna there is no way around this." They both nod, obvious worry on their faces but not directed towards me. "Challenge accepted!" I snarled in her face.

~Alice’s Point of View~ “He’s gay,” I yelled into the mirror, beside myself. I had absolutely not gotten any sort of vibe like that from him. He wasn’t a snappy dresser, he didn’t talk funny, he didn’t dance or anything crazy. There’s no way in hell this could be right!

WILLOW A stifling silence enveloped us as my words hung in the air, pregnant with significance. Lucas's countenance transformed, his smile fading into an expression of incredulity and denial. Nervous laughter escaped him, a feeble attempt to dismiss my disclosure as a malicious jest, a fabrication intended to toy with his emotions. "You must be joking, Willow," he muttered, his voice tinged with a subtle undercurrent of unease. "This cannot be real. It's an elaborate prank, isn't it?"

“Uh…air. Just air.” He glanced up then, suspicious. “You’re strange.” “I get that a lot.” [System Tip: Try humor using self-deprecation. Humans find it relatable.] I sighed. “Dream, if I die under your management, tell my funeral guests I was killed by deadlines and your resting glare.” His fingers paused on the keyboard. One heartbeat. Two. Then, very faintly, almost inaudibly, he exhaled through his nose. [System Alert: Micro-laugh detected. Progress 75%.]

We hadn't gone far when we heard the President's announcement on the television. "Larry Richards has been carrying out some unauthorised Scientific experiments on people and building destructive biological weapons. My government condemns this form of behaviour, and even though we have been friends for a long time, I am ashamed of his conduct and promise to make sure he faces the full consequences of his actions. Be rest assured that I will always put the safety of our people and peace of our country above all.' he said, and people clapped. The look on Larry's face was priceless. I watched angry tears trickle down his face. We had him where we wanted him. "Renfield!" he called out with rage.