Hilarious Sarcasm Quotes Novels & Stories

Kesley Bellamy has perfected the art of sabotaging blind dates — for a price. When her best friend begs her to scare off yet another setup, Kesley agrees. A thousand dollars to act crazy for an hour? Easy money. She'll chew gum like a maniac, mention her pot-smoking habit, and maybe proposition the guy for good measure. He'll run screaming, and she'll finally fix her dying laptop. But the man who walks into that restaurant isn't the balding, boring businessman she expected. He's Niklaus Specter — the devastatingly handsome CEO of SpecterTech. The same company Kelsey just applied to. The same company that's her last hope of breaking into the tech industry as a female developer. Worse? He doesn't run away. He finds her antics... intriguing. Now Kesley has three days to transform from "Taraji Gilbert" — the pot-smoking, sex-crazed teacher who just propositioned him — into Kesley Bellamy, the professional data analyst who desperately needs this job. But Niklaus Specter didn't become a billionaire by missing details. And when Kesley walks into her interview on Monday morning, she's about to discover that some mistakes are too expensive to hide. Especially when the CEO remembers everything. A hilarious, steamy romance about mistaken identities, second chances, and the fine line between disaster and destiny.

"Why did you leave the party in such a hurry earlier?" Ignoring her sarcasm, Kaleb changed the subject. He just had to ask! The audacity he had! Sasha smirked. "Did you want to enjoy seeing the girl you just a few minutes ago making a friendly chat with your girlfriend?" she snapped, her wound reopened. "Oh, so you left because of Claire?" Again, Kaleb's voice was mocking. "No, I left because of me," Sasha recoiled, and it was her stupidity sending him a text. "And what about you and Samson? I see the way he looked at you at the party. He seems to really like you and the both of you seem really familiar with each other. What do I make out of that?" Kaleb sounded different, odd even. —---------- When Kaleb Luthor decides to move back to the town he grew up in, Sasha Sullivan is bombarded with a lot of emotions. This is a guy she has had a crush on for as long as she can remember, and this is her chance to make him see her more than just his sister's best friend. But as she gets closer to Kaleb, Sasha realizes that he's a totally different guy from the one she has built up in her head, but she still can't let him go. A one night stand was all she needed… But she isn't prepared for the consequences that one night could bring…. And what an affair with Kaleb Luthor would do to her friendship with her best friend, Tilly Luthor.

“Is that a threatened kitten?” he asked, amused, What? I snapped at him, pissed, “No, Asshole. If it were, you would already be dead,” I added, feeling the bolting rage rising within me. “Oh…” he smirked as he traced my jaw with his thumb, “I’m starting to like you more and more,” he said with a devilish grin, I froze in place, “Oh really? Well, too bad, ‘LUCIAN,’ cause I don’t give a fuck,” “Hahaha, you’re hilarious Mira,” he spat out as he took a seat on the mattress, I moved backward, staying far away from his reach, His eyes remained on me with every step I took. I turned angrily, “Is there something you want, husband?” And asked irritated, “Yes, in fact, there are a lot of things I want. But why don’t you start by explaining to me about the call just now and what you meant by ‘your man?’ huh?” he asked, and this time I could see the seriousness in his eyes, even when he tried to hide it. *** What will Mira do after four years of returning home, only to find out that she was traded off by her own father? A secret they kept hidden from her. Contracted: Love in the Shadow" Narrates a story filled with family betrayal and a passionate romance that totters at the edge of danger and desire. Will Mira Dolman be taken over by the darkness within her, or will she find the strength with love by her side to overcome the challenges that threaten to break her?

Blurb: “I shouldn’t want this…” I whispered, my chest heaving as my hands clawed at the bed sheets. Kael settles between my legs, his amber eyes glowing as his fingers slide against my throbbing clit. “But you do…” his breath was hot on my inner thighs. “And trust me omega, this is painful for me too…” I flinched as Ronan grabbed my chin, his lips ghosting over the shell of my ear. “You’re trembling like a leaf sis,” he started, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Where’s the boldness you used to beg us to fuck you hmm?” I looked at them, at my bullies, my stepbrothers….my mates, and I was at a loss for words. Yet my wolf did the talking. “Please,” my body trembled with need. “I need you. All of you.” ***** Liora Dan was never meant to stand out, but fate had other plans. As an omega on scholarship at the prestigious Silverfang Academy, she was targeted by the Academy’s princes; the Alpha triplets. Kael, Elias, and Ronan. Liora was bullied and trampled on for her weakness, reduced to a laughing stock, but she endured it all for the sake of her ailing mother. But when her mother dies of a mysterious illness, Liora is taken in by her mother’s long-lost mate, promised a new life, pack, and family. Liora finds herself in the renowned Durban Pack, and fate plays its cruelest card yet. Her new stepbrothers are none other than the Alpha triplets, the same men who tormented her at school and made her life a living hell. And her mate. Will Liora be able to resist her desires? Or will she be consumed by the bond that changed everything?

My name is Emma. At 31, I am doing well for myself. I’ve got a great job. Or at least a well paid job, my boss loves me, and my girlfriends think I’m great. More important than anyone's opinion is that of my housemate, and best friend in the world, Scott. Scott thinks the world of me and always tells me to be myself. So why do I feel the need to lie outrageously on dates? From rock-climbing to Muay Thai: when it comes to prospective boyfriends, I am compelled to embellish my C.V. with unlikely porkies that alwaysbackfire - with hilarious results. I have Craig to blame for that - he really shattered my sense of self-confidence and self-worth. But then I turn the spotlight on Scott, and he wishes he'd never brought it up. With a penchant for checked shirts and Harry Potter-style specs, I decide he needs a makeover and to experience the abysmal dating world. My friendship with Scott began in the most unconventional way. His past life had made him homeless and isolated, but he saved me. And now we are inseparable. My dating disasters began when my relationship with he-who-must-not-be-named ended. Waking up with a pounding head, a dry mouth, aching limbs and a random arm draped over my waist, I struggle to get up and then stumble to the bathroom. I rubbed my eyes and stare at the hungover, half dead panda eyed loser staring back at me. What started out as a lighthearted challenge with Scott, became something more. We were prepared. But nothing could prepare us for the surprise results! Before long, I realise that our lives will never be the same again.

"Shayari if you're expecting anything from this Nikkah then don't because this Nikkah is nothing but a compromise to save your dignity. I won't be able to give you any rights on me or love that a wife deserves but I will be loyal with you that I assure you. I won't cheat ever but if you dared to cheat on me I won't think twice before shooting you in the middle of your eyes and after a time period I will divorce you as well don't worry we won't be married for forever." He said emotionlessly Well great start for your married life isn't it?He is talking about divorce on the wedding night itself. Note the sarcasm please " I don't expect anything from you, no love, no rights, nothing. This marriage is a big scandal in my life and nothing else.And I'm not a slut that I will cheat on you. I have no interest in that thing. Think yourself free from my side and one more thing if you want you can keep relationships or sleep with others I don't have a problem with that.Anyways, who is interested in you, not me at least. Do whatever you want. And now if you're done with your clear explanation then excuse me I am sleepy and need my beauty sleep because unlike you I sleep at night like any other normal human being "I said and looked at his face.. ***************** Arhaan is like flames dangerous and has the power to burn someone into ashes Shayari is like Roses soft fragile yet full of thorns to protect herself. What will happen when this both will be tied together in an unwanted marriage?Will love bloom between them or the flames will turn the roses in ashes?

"Why pretend you don't want us when your nipples are hard?" Oliver's hands slid slowly under my skirt. I swallowed hard, feeling a lump in my throat. I grasped his hands, but his brother Owen yanked them away. "Because I hate you all! I can't help but wonder why moon goddess made you guys my mates." Their laughter filled the room as if a hilarious joke had just been told. Gradually, his fingers made their way to my pussy skin, then I caught a glimpse of the three brothers whose gaze was fixed on my exposed body. "You must keep this between us because this bond is forbidden. We will fuck you whenever we want because you belong to us" Owen declares as I looked away from them, but Orion gently turned my face towards them, their eyes filled with lusts. There are many secrets we keep for future sake, but what if there are more darker ones to discover? ---------- Miranda's life took an unexpected turn when she was betrayed and rejected by her high school boyfriend because she was a weak omega. Devastated, She also finds out her mum was getting married to a billionaire Lycan King. Accepting a new father was difficult, but that was only the beginning of her challenges. When she met the Lycan King's sons, she discovered they were her former bullies 'The Lycan Triplets' from high school, and to make matters worse, she was fated to be their mate. How will she cope with this situation? What will happen when their parents finds out that they are mates which is forbidden? Of course it has to be kept hidden but for how long? Also will the Triplets continue to bully her, or seek her forgiveness?

After Noah's death, what greeted him was an AI system calling itself Black, offering him a job working for the World and Soul Management Bureau.  He has to travel to many different worlds, taking over an identity of some unfortunate soon-to-be-dead dude, and live out the remainder of his new life there however he wanted. Easy-peasy! ...Right? ...Ok, sure, there are a few small kinks here and there... like terrorist attacks, murder plots, zombie apocalypses, and the like... but one should always look at the bright side! Noah: "...Blackie, is it just me, or is this good brother of mine looking at me like a hungry wolf seeing a juicy piece of meat?" (°△°|||) Black: "Don't worry, host. He is just a bit excited due to nearly losing his life back there. You know, adrenaline." (¬‿¬) Noah: "…are you sure that's what's really going on here?" (っ °Д °;)っ Black: "Absolutely!" (≖‿≖) … ~ Many worlds later ~ Noah: "This secret mission that you can't tell me about… it can't possibly be to get fucked by the least appropriate target?!" (°ㅂ°╬) Black: "Of-of course not! Ho-how could that possibly be, eh?" (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪ ML: Right, right, that's just a very (not so) coincidental bonus. Ψ(╹ڡ╹ )Ψ 💠 Author Note 💠 * SSC has long arcs. Each world is a fully-fledged novel on its own. * Don't let the summary (or the cover) fool you! While SSC does have an occasional explicit smut, it is primarily a fluffy and hilarious romance! * Pairings are one-on-one and taboo-ish. (E.g. hired assassin and his target, monster tamer and his tamed beast, master and disciple, siblings, brothers-in-law, etc.) * More info in the info chapter Author website: lucypandora.com Support the author on ko-fi: ko-fi.com/lucypandora Discord: lucypandora.com/discord

Nick Luton Lancaster, a CEO with unlimited wealth, where the world is subject to decisions on his hands. Emotions weren't part of his life—until one name began to disturb him: Luna. A young doctor with a straightforward, innocent, and sometimes careless. She doesn't live in a glittering world and let alone power plays. Her encounter with Nick stems from a professional relationship as a doctor and a patient—a relationship that should end once the diagnosis is complete. Pretend deal, a relationship that's supposed to be just a formality, was the beginning of emotional mess that Nick never imagined. In the midst of the Lancaster family's grand mansion, Luna is dragged into a world foreign to her—where one bracelet is worth more than a person's life, where the decision to marry is thrown out as cold as signing a business contract. Nick is convinced: all women are same. Money, power, and status are the keys to everything. He believes Luna will give up, sooner or later. But he realized Luna is different. She rejects Nick's proposal without glare by a wealth she can't even imagine. Their relationship is filled with tension, sharp dialogue, unexpected hilarious moments, and a closeness that grows without a plan. The usually cold and stiff Nick finds himself touching a woman unknowingly, protecting her, even apologizing, something he hasn't done to anyone before. On the other hand, Luna begins to see the other side of Nick: a tough man who is used to being alone and swears because he doesn't know how to express his feelings. When Nick again utters a line he never pulls back, "Marry me", Luna is faced with a life-changing choice. Stick to his principles, or step into the world of a man who rules everything, except for one thing: her own heart.

Her eyes widened in horror. The sound was unmistakable — the snap of a belt buckle, the hiss of it being undone. Then came the crash of fabric hitting stone. Terror exploded in her chest. She struggled violently, chains biting into her wrists until blood slicked her palms. Her chest heaved, heart pounding so hard it hurt. Ezra pressed harder, his knee locking her in place. One hand clenched her throat — not enough to choke, but enough to remind her she could not escape. His breath was ragged, wild, as if possessed. “You feel it too,” he growled against her skin. “Don’t lie to me, Nova. Your body wants this. You want me.” No. No, no, no. Her body burned, but it wasn’t for him. It was the cursed bond, the fire belonging to another. And that other… Her eyes filled with tears. Her lips shaped a silent prayer: Kilian. The bond within her surged like wildfire. Her chest arched, a gasp tearing from her throat. She felt it — claws raking down her soul, a storm breaking in her veins. He was here. He had come for her. *** Nova is a skilled hunter, fierce and independent, yet unaware of her true nature and the extraordinary destiny that awaits her. Humiliated by her fellow hunter colleagues for refusing to kill innocent wolves, she flees — only to be rescued by Kilian, the feared Lycan King. Thrust into his world, she must prove herself and earn her place within his pack, all while navigating the sharp wit, teasing sarcasm, and growing tension between them. Kilian is powerful, commanding, and fiercely protective, yet finds himself drawn to Nova in ways he cannot explain. Their connection develops slowly, charged with banter, challenges, and unacknowledged desire. But Nova is far more special and powerful than anyone could have predicted. Her choices, and the bond she shares with Kilian, will shape the fate of their world — deciding whether to destroy it, or to revolutionize and transform it for the better. As they uncover enemies deeply rooted in their lives, they must rely on their bond, courage, and love to face what comes next.