I Cheated Myself Like I Knew I Would Novels & Stories

I walked out of the house in a trance and flagged down a cab. I sat in the backseat, staring out of the window as the city passed me by in a blur. My thoughts were louder than the traffic, louder than the driver’s radio. If I had known, I never would have taken that wine. If I had known, I wouldn’t have attended the EMVCA Awards. Had I been drunk? Had I been drugged? That was me in the video. That was my voice. My actions. And it didn’t look fake. It didn’t look forced. It didn’t look like anything but someone willingly cheating on the man she loved.

I cannot imagine myself right now and I cannot even think properly! “You’re not like this Stell, what happened to you?” I asked myself, I am facing the mirror right now. There I saw myself, I felt dirty! I wasn’t like this! I cried and cried as if it could undo the guilt I had committed. I want to shout, I want to hurt myself for I know that doesn’t have the right to call her my friend, I cheated. I committed a huge sin, this feeling, I know this is hard to explain but, it is unforgivable.

I blurted out. Turning around, I wanted to explain myself, but I ended up in Michael's arms. When I saw the smile on his face, it hit me that I'd taken his bait. Immediately, I was embarrassed by what I said. Chuckling, Michael grabbed my hands and raised them over my head, pinning them against the wall. "You said it yourself. I didn't force you."

On our fifth anniversary, he was drugged and ended up in bed with the poor scholarship student he had been funding, Valeria. When he sobered up, he immediately knelt before me, crying as he apologized. "I swear I'll cut off all contact with her…" I trusted him until a year later, when I ran into him and Valeria during a routine gynaecological checkup. Valeria clung to his arm, and they were holding a baby, looking like the perfect family of three. I never imagined Wayne would lie to me and keep seeing her behind my back, much less expected them to have a baby together.

Each word was a knife, but I forced myself to listen. "I convinced myself that the mate bond was wrong, that the Moon Goddess made a mistake, that I knew better." His voice was thick with shame. "So I took what I thought I was owed—Vanessa—while keeping you as the politically convenient mate. I compartmentalized. Told myself it wasn't really cheating because I'd never wanted you in the first place." "Did you ever want me?" I asked, the question barely a whisper. "At any point during those six months, did you ever actually want me?"

Ace muttered. A bitter laugh escaped my lips and I scoffed in disbelief. “You are no longer denying that you cheated anymore? You are also trying to lie against me?” “You know I wouldn't lie. That was the video I got that made me stop coming home because I felt like there was no essence of committing to someone who was in love with another person,” Ace explained. My brain spun as I thought about who I could have been comfortable in a hotel with, but, of course, my memories chose that time to betray me.

I had forgotten about my scar. I gave him a kiss. I kissed him back after he kissed me. I was cheating on my partner even when I was not with them. As I pulled the covers up over my body, tucking them under my chin, shame washed over me. This had to be fixed. I needed to let him know it would not happen again. … Two Months Down the Line Percival

“Killed someone.” I gasped in shock. “Yeah, you know the attention I craved? He gave it a little too much. I tried to leave but he became obsessed with me in a way that became unbearable. One day, I decided that I could get out of it if I cheated. He cheated so many times so I didn’t think it was bad if I did too so I went out with a random guy and made sure he caught us in the act! I didn’t know he would actually go after the guy.”

I pulled her out and pushed her out of the room, "I'll be out in the next ten minutes, don't rush me." Leslie groaned loudly, "it's not like you're going to get laid." I chuckled lightly but honestly my heart felt clenched, I really couldn't fantom the fact that I was really betraying my best friend and the worst thing was I couldn't stop. It felt like everytime I promised myself I wouldn't do anything stupid, his stupid charm kept working on me and pulling me back. "I'm so stupid," I muttered under my breath, "no...I'm a disgrace."

But I was, the euphoria was gone and now, I was stuck in the truth. When I cheated the first time, it was out of hurt. But this time, I had walked in here on my own. I had been more willing… His hand touched my shoulder, “Are you okay? Do you want me to take you…?” I shook my head, “I am fine,” my tone came out sharper than I intended. He pulled back, staring at me as if I had burned him. I would feel guilty, but I couldn’t, my mind was in a ramble.