Novel & Cerita I Cheated Myself Like I Knew I Would

I can’t believe that I went against everything that I had always told myself. I didn’t want a mate. I refused to have a mate. I was going to reject him but I still let him hang around to strengthen the pull between us. I actually told myself that I was going to wait and see where this went. And look at where it went. Look at where it took me. I am the one sitting here hurt, because I betrayed myself. I betrayed my feelings and my thoughts and I didn’t let myself stay true to who I was. I was such an idiot.

I pulled back, startled by my actions. Cast stood there, staring at me, just as shocked as I was. "Lila..." he whispered, but I shook my head and backed away. "I don't know what that was," I stumbled over the words. "I thought... I thought I was past this. I'm not this person. I'm not a cheater."

He eventually resigned, and in the blink of an eye, he was nowhere in sight. “Fudge!” I cursed, burying my face in my palms as I cursed myself for being too stupid. “Stupid, Camilla!” I rebuked myself, wishing the ground will open up and swallow me as a whole. I did not just do that. Why the hell did I do that?! He’s not over his mate, he’s never been, everyone knows and I just went ahead and did that. Fudge.

I then stopped and said, “We used a condom, I know we did.” She shook her head, smiling, while her arms were folded on her chest. “Remember how heated you were? You literally ripped my clothes off…” “Shut up, shut up,” I stopped her before she could continue. I knew what I did, and it was a miskate. So why was life trying to make me pay? I did not mean it. I did not do it on purpose. I love my wife, I did not intentionally decide to cheat on her like all those other stupid guys out there that did. That was not me.

He was standing there, watching as I came undone, screaming his name while his stare burned into my skin as if he owned every moan I let slip. “There’s no way,” I muttered to myself, there was no one else in the room and I needed to actively speak to myself to ground myself in reality. “I did not masturbate in front of my boyfriend’s father. There’s no way I did that. I’m not that kind of girl.” I said to myself but it sounded like a big fat lie because the memory just kept crawling back in waves. I did those things. I moaned his name. I got off while his eyes were on me. I came right here, on this bed. He had held me, he was right here before I fell asleep.

At least rekindle out love. I didn't see myself as the kind of woman that would cheat, and I will feel quite disappointed in myself if I discover that I was cheating on someone like Damian. He has been nothing but nice, gentle and caring to me ever since I woke up in that hospital, scared and lonely, fearing the unknown. Damian has been my side all this while. He swore not to leave me, and would always protect me, and I knew he would do just that. But I just wanted to have a little bit of our memories pieced together in my head.

You turned me into an animal. If you only did not cheat on me! But as they say that this is a test, one more experience that I need to go through in order to make myself complete. The fucked up thing is that I had to go through it twice, but then again, the second time, I did bring it upon myself. So should I really blame him? Fuck that, he cheated. There is no excuse for that.

I didn't know how to deal with that, and things only got worse, so I did the only thing I still could, I tried to hang on to the delusions. But then I met Nate, and with him I was suddenly someone else. It wasn't even sexual attraction at first between us, that came much later. And I hated myself for sleeping with him because I knew I was cheating on Jazz and that he'd never forgive me when he found out, but locked inside my head, it seemed like him shoving me away was exactly what I deserved. I waited and waited for him to catch on, but he just

And yet, the impact reverberated through me as though I had shattered every part of the careful life I had constructed. I tried to steady myself, pulling the sheet closer to my chest. I thought if Max, my husband, and guilt, flared, sharp and hot in me. His name was a tether I could no longer ignore. I had cheated. Not just physically, but emotionally, with every part of my body that had cried out for Julian’s touch. And worse, I hadn’t regretted a single moment. A champagne cork rolled lazily across the floor, like we’d celebrated something. Like we’d won.

He releases me and places me on my feet. I fall down in a heap on the carpet. Cover my face in shame as I try to block out the image of my torn panties and what it represents. “Red, what’s wrong?” he asks anguished. I feel him getting down on the carpet with me. I don’t look at him. Too ashamed of what just happened between us. “We’ve become cheaters” I tell him brokenly. “What are you talking about?” he asks, confusion lacing his voice. How could he not know? I’ve just become the woman I swore never to become.