Novel & Cerita I Don't Feel Safe Anymore

It has been two weeks since I moved here. I have not heard from my father or brother since then. My anxiety is increasing by the day, and loneliness is killing me. I've stopped myself several times from contacting my family. I just want them to ensure my safety as soon as possible so I can return to my normal life. Since this morning, I have been feeling very strange. The anxiety in my stomach is making me feel like vomiting. My heart is restless. I have been trying to keep myself engaged and distracted, but I cannot shake off the feeling that something is about to happen. Something bad.

“Not right now. But I need you to know that you’re safe here. You’re safe with me. And I won’t let anyone hurt you again. Not while I’m around.” I didn’t know what to say to that. Part of me wanted to lean into him, to let go of the fear and the doubt and just let myself feel something. The other part of me was terrified, terrified that I would fall into something I couldn’t control, something that might break me all over again. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply, trying to steady myself. “I’ve never been safe,” I whispered, almost to myself. “Not with him. Not with anyone.”

"I want to hear it.” My heart was racing and my mouth went dry suddenly. What I felt?! It seemed like such an easy question, but it was hard to answer. What I felt for him, was what I always felt for him. I felt--- “I feel safe with you,” I said, hoping that my voice didn't sound like a breathless whisper, as I confessed. I'd lost the feeling of safety a long time ago. I didn't feel safe anywhere, really. Not with my brother. Not even in my own home. I hadn’t felt appreciated or loved since my parents died and it was taking a toll on me. But with Levi, I didn’t feel like that. Even now, feeling exposed and stupid, he didn’t make me feel weak or insignificant. I felt happy and confident and,

“Bringing me tea, leaving little things on my desk. Buying me books. Listening. And I don’t know if it’s because he finally understands or because he’s scared of losing me. Maybe both. But I can’t figure out what I feel about it. Some days I’m… glad. Some days I’m angry it took him this long. And some days I’m scared to trust it at all.” Malik doesn’t jump in with advice like most people would. He lets the silence stretch a little, like he’s making room for the truth to breathe. Then he says, “What do you need to feel safe again?” I blink, caught off guard. “Safe?” “Yes,” he says. “Not happy or in love. Safe. Because until you feel safe, none of the rest will matter.”

“You need to feel safe.” “It’s not feeling safe. It’s being safe. Ever since I came back to Moon Valley, it seems fate has been attacking us from all sides. First, it was our love during the Uthando, then the kidnapping and mind games, now, my business. It’s just… too much.”

I stayed away for as long as I could and if it wasn’t for my mother cussing me out on the phone yesterday I wouldn’t be back here. My body is already on alert, I haven’t been here more than a minute and I’m already bracing for the worst. I didn’t realize how unsafe I felt here until this very moment. It makes me sad that my family home bring up so much fear and anxiety. This is no way for a child to live.

What if there was something I wasn't looking at correctly? Axel noticed my hesitation but he shook his head and let out a sigh. “Not directly. I mean, an attack wasn’t directed at anyone. But that doesn’t mean you’re safe. Not when they know you're with me.” Safe. The word felt foreign on my tongue as I looked to the ground with a small scoff. What did that word ever feel like? I had no idea. I hadn’t been safe in years. Not in my home, not in my marriage, not even here—in a penthouse guarded by trained guards.

0 When I hear the word safe, anger spikes again. 0 "Safe? I was anything but safe. I was passed from one shitty home to the next, homeless, unwanted. I was alone for a lifetime in a world that I didn't belong in. Wasn't there another way? Did you ever check on me?" I ask, trying to keep from letting the tears I can feel welling up behind my eyes from falling. "You gave me life and then you vanished from it." 0

I tear my eyes off his and look out the dark window, finding a sudden interest in the surroundings. "Does….the current situation affect your sense of security? Do you….want to come to my place again?". My first instinct is to snap no. But I find myself hesitating when I really consider my situation. The truth is I do not feel safe at any point when I'm alone. He was in that party with me today, and even right now, he could probably know my location. Basically, going home alone….no longer looks like the tantalizing option it used to be. I'm scared to walk into that house by myself. But to go to Alex's house again…..

“He told me there are others.” “Do you believe him?” “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” That night I sat on the couch with Lena. Evan and Maya were asleep upstairs. For a minute, the house actually felt quiet. “We got him. He’s in custody now.” “So why don’t I feel safe?” she asked softly, her hand shaking a little in mine. “Because we’ve been fighting for so long… we forgot what safe even feels like.” I pulled her closer, trying to convince myself it might really be ending. Then my phone rang at 11 PM. Unknown number.