I Don't Feel Safe Anymore Romane & Geschichten

"Baby girl...Are you okay? Please tell me where you are, please," he said, pleading with me to tell me where I was. "I'm fine and safe don't worry about me," I said, "How can I not worry when that mother fucker kidnapped you," he yelled, "Please...please tell me," He said, his voice was telling me that he was about to cry. "I can't tell you...but Trust me I'm fine and I...I want some space…"I nervously said.

I left out the part where this would be good for business, especially once we were married. Everyone was fighting me right now, but if I could win this, it would mean they’d all want to be on my good side. Still, no matter how much logic I applied, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that this whole deal was rotting me from the inside out. But it was too late to back down now. “Is it safe?” Her soft, soothing voice pulled me back to reality, and I managed a faint smile. “There’s no such thing as safety anymore,” I said honestly. Her lashes fluttered as her eyes blinked several times, processing that truth.

I asked. She laughed once, quietly, empty. “Safe? I don’t even remember what that feels like. For as long as I can remember, we were fighting. My father was struggling to find a way to pay off your debt, and before that, it was lavish. Then at a certain point, I believe that I was a child. A child does not know what it is to feel unsafe if they have a mother who would do everything to protect them. And I know that my mother did her best against all the odds that were set in front of her.” Something inside me shifted, unsteady. I took a step toward her before I could stop myself. “Tell me,” I said, quieter now. “What do I have to do to make you feel safe here?”

Because lying here, pretending I’m safe It doesn’t feel real. Not anymore. “I’m not safe,” I whisper, the words barely audible. They hang in the air is heavy Because saying them out loud makes them real, and I hate that. I hate that she took that from me. That sense of ease. That sense of normal. Now everything feels like a question. Everyone feels like a possibility. I look down at my hand resting on my stomach again. My fingers tremble slightly. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” I whisper softly.

"I have an idea." I took a step back. "Why do I suddenly feel genuinely unsafe?"

"Yes. I'm sure. At the grocery store. A man in a baseball cap. He was watching me. Following me through the aisles." "Did he do anything? Say anything?" "No. But he was there. I know he was." Jeffrey pulls me into a hug. "It's probably nothing. Maybe just someone who recognized you from the news." "That doesn't make it better." "I know. But you're safe now. You're home. I won't let anything happen to you." I want to believe him. But safe doesn't feel real anymore. Safe feels like something that happened to someone else in a different life.

and I swallowed it with shaking hands. "It's worse," I said softly. “It is a person that is still watching.” He got up, paced twice across the room and returned to me. “I want you to go away with me out of-town.“ I blinked. "What?" "You're not safe here." I laughed, cold and bitter. It as though it was not from me at all. "I was never safe, Killian. Not with you. Not with them. Not in this whole damn city." "You think this is a joke?"

Just breathing. Eventually, I speak again, quieter this time. “Do you think it ever stops feeling strange?” His hand pauses slightly. “What?” “All of this,” I gesture faintly with my free hand. “Family. Safety. People not trying to kill us. Waking up without expecting something to go wrong first.” There’s a pause long enough that I think he might not answer. Then— “No,” he says honestly. “But it becomes less loud and intimidating." I turn my head slightly to look at him. “That’s not comforting.”

I hate the word running, I was not running for my life, well at least not anymore. “Sadie everything will be fine. You will stay in one of the most secure apartments in the city. You are surrounded by people who will protect you. We are setting you up with self-defense classes as well.” My uncle explains. I nod clutching the folder to my chest. It does not make me feel any safer though. I will never feel safe, I will always be looking over my shoulder, I’ll always be on guard, that won’t be changing any time soon. Being in a different city helps me sleep at night, but that doesn’t stop me from sleeping with a knife under my pillow. That doesn’t stop me from locking all the doors and windows

I pulled up my more recent projects and stared at the screen. I could feel eyes on me and I started to feel overheated with anxiety. Every time someone walked past me, I couldn’t help but flinch. I knew it was irrational, but I felt panicked that Cynthia would come back. Nothing anyone said made me feel better at this point. Everything just felt uncomfortable and uneasy. I saw Cynthia in everyone’s face, judgment in everyone’s eyes. Jayne’s words still rang loud in my head and there wasn’t anything Jaxon could do to comfort me. This didn’t feel like my place anymore. This didn’t feel like a safe space anymore. I had a hard time remembering when it ever did.