I Hate Myself So Much Novels & Stories

I hate myself right now. I hate everyone!

It ruined me. I love my parents and my siblings. I love them genuinely, but there are just times I hate them also. And those times are times like this; when comparisons enter the story. I'm honestly tired of the same shit going over and over again since I've started having a consciousness of my own. The unending hate I got makes me want to peel my skin off of my body and hide where no one can find me. I just want to disappear and never come back. And with that in mind, I've finally decided to leave everything behind and start anew.

It wasn't a loud, dramatic fracture; it was quiet, like thick ice cracking under immense pressure. "I hate him, too," I whispered into my glass. Victor nodded slowly. "I know." "I hate Sophia Lang." "I know." "Right now, I think I even hate Thelma." "I know." And then, before my internal filters could catch the words, I admitted the one thing I hadn't dared to say out loud to Renata Cole or to myself. "I hate myself." Victor shook his head instantly, reaching out. "No. Don't say that."

The greatest pain comes from my soul, which dissolves in tears. I feel like shit about everything that's been going on and everything I've heard. So does that mean I'm easily replaceable? There are so many girls that look like me out there… this is hurting me so much. I hate loving them so much. Shit, I hate myself for loving them all. I don't feel the strength to get up from the floor and as soon as I lay my body on the cold floor, I'm exhausted from crying so much.

Everything comes crashing in around you- And you feel even more darkness than before because it’s a whole life of darkness that swallows you alive. I felt tears drip down my face as I thought about everything I said to him at the Lake. “I’m worse than a terrible person… I just keep hurting you, Conor. With my words and cruel actions!” I whispered to him. “I love you, but I hate myself… You deserve better than this… Why am I such a failure…? Why can’t I just get it together…?” He shut me up with several more kisses. “I am! I don’t deserve to live.”

He is just so fucking annoying it is really ughhh! I have been really pissed off a lot lately and it is all my mate Aiden’s fault, every single time I see him I want him and then I hate myself for wanting him and then I just stand there not knowing what to do. I absolutely hate myself for still loving me and it is worse because I cannot avoid him, it is horrible because we work in the same company and our offices are so close to each other so I cannot avoid seeing him no matter how much I want to.

“Why not?” His entire being quaked and words poured out a stilted mess. “I hate that he still has that much power over me. I hate that he can get a reaction out of me when no one else can. I hate it’s a test to see if I’m strong enough to fight this…fucking rage I inherited from him. I’ve tried so hard not to end up like him. So fucking hard and when I act this way, I’m exactly like him and I hate it. I hate myself.”

Why should I? At this moment, I had never hated myself as much as I did. I felt sick to my stomach. I was not a perfect person, and some might think I was a b*tch, but this was something that I never thought I would do. What had led me to do something like this?

"Not the slightest." "Giving up is not an option." He sipped, watching her over the glass rim. "Honestly, what brought you here?" He shook his head in despair. "It hurts to see just how much you underestimate my love. Fine, maybe you'll swallow the secondary pill instead; as you know, I'm mentally fucked up. I've been prescribed a whole lot of medications I don't have time for. I hate them. They never worked in the first place...the few times I tried. Then I met you; everything has changed ever since. It's like fate prescribed a better treatment...a cure even." His grin added an extra beam of light to the room.

Another wave of pain hit me, "So what are you going to fix, Nikolas?" "Imagine the one thing you hate the most about yourself, the worst thing you think about yourself and imagine that the person you love the most finally see it and use it as the reason why he can't be with you." A tear rolled down my cheek, "I am disgusting to him." I said, "Can you see what you've done? You...you made me disgusting." I scoffed, "He is not gonna want your leftovers now, would he?" His eyes widened at my words, "Don't say that!"