Romans & histoires I Miss You More Than Life

You are the happiest part of my life and I know and I am sure that anyone else I meet will never be able to match you. I just couldn’t really avoid crying. I'm sorry, I'm running out of words to say so I can explain to you how much I love you and how deep the wound left here in my heart because of your early death. It is not easy to live without you. I feel like I'm half-dead, which is really true because just like what I told you when we last talked, I'd rather you take half of my heart because it's just for you. I know we'll meet again, but when I miss you like this I really can't help feeling sad and asking God. But I know you are in a good place now and I know that like you said you will

You are not here. I wish that I had appreciated those moments more when I had them, but the things we take for granted are often the things we missed the most. Oh, god, I miss your voice. I miss hearing you say, 'I love you.' Not just the words but the way you say them. Like love is the same as breathing. Natural. Easy. Essential. You know, for the life of me, I cannot remember if I said it to you that day. Did you know that I love you? Did you ever doubt that I love you? The thought makes me sick just thinking that I did not say I love you that day. I love you SO. FUCKING. MUCH and you deserve better than you have now.

What if his life is hanging on some sort of beam… I will die without him, i cannot live this life without him around me, I need him, oh my gosh why is this happening! It’s like as if the cops are not even trying at all, it’s like nobody is doing anything and it’s frustrating! I miss him, God I miss him so much! I don’t want to live this life without him around me, if anything happens to him I would not survive. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow freely.

“I miss you.” “I miss you more, but tell us if you want to stop.” “I will.”

I replied, and she immediately gave a soft laugh. "You sound just like your dad." I smiled. "Oh, do I?" She hummed on the other side and I found myself smiling even bigger. "I miss dad, mama." I suddenly said, making her go quiet and I took that as a cue to add more, because somehow talking to her was a blessing for which I was deprived for quite a while. "I miss him more than my life. I wish he was here with us. I wish we could have the same happy life like these people around me have." My eyes trailed back to the living room and found them laughing at each other without having any fear of the outside world.

I needed to. Sam, you don't know how much I miss you. I brought a hand to my chest and got down on my knees. “I miss you too. I don't want to live in a world where you're not there, we had talked about it many times, remember? You always said you wanted to die first because you wouldn't want to be in a world where I wasn't there. It came true. But you didn't know that I would be shattered inside. I feel empty, needing you, what will I do without my Sam? My moon is not with me. I can't and won't live without you.

“Hmm?” “I… I miss you.”

But that wasn’t reality. “I miss you so much, Kate... I miss you,” I murmured, the words barely escaping my lips, raw and empty. I couldn’t tell if the tears were real or just a damn illusion. All I knew was that I couldn’t breathe without her. I couldn't imagine living this life without her by my side. And no matter how many times I tried to move on, no matter how many times I told myself I would... I couldn’t. “I wish you were here,” I said quietly, my voice breaking.

So I let it out. "I miss you." I sob, "Oh my gosh I miss you like crazy. I wish you were here. I've been telling everyone that I've been feeling better and that I might actually be happy. But to be honest, I still feel the same sharp pain in my heart that I felt that day I saw you die. The wound is still so fresh. I feel like I'm slowly dying. But I know that you're at peace now, and I would rather you be there than be here in this world filled with war and pain. Thank you Xander. Thank you for always being there, for protecting and keeping me safe. For comforting me when I felt down. To encourage me when I felt discouraged. Thank you for making me whole. I love you so much my darling. And y