Jake Webber Funny Novels & Stories

he repeats. “But what will be in these documents that will make him give in to our demands?” I ask, feeling curious. Dimitri sits back and crosses his arms, giggling as he remembers. “Pictures of him and I having fun together,” he says with a naughty smile and a wink. I feel the blood rising into my cheeks and squeak out an ‘okay’ while listening to him chuckle. “I’m not gay, though. Let’s just say District Attorney Westcott likes to be degraded in the worst ways possible,” he says, then makes a vomiting gesture.

"My name is Jake Larson, a Billionare business man from the city of LA. I own a chain of supermarkets and run a few branches of my marketing company, blue sky Marketing. I also…" A burst of laughter erupted from the people in the room. "What did he say?" Terah pointed at Jake ridiculously as he laughed. "He's such a bad actor." "Terrible actor, billionaire…" Sirah cackled so hard her lungs hurt. "He said billionaire," they bellowed with laughter. "Wouldn't that sort out most of the kingdom's problems," Dorah cachinnated. Jake frowned, Dohana had both her arms resting on Jake's right shoulder, giving him some amount of support. When Jake turned, he noticed the anger boiling within Dohana.

He looked impeccable, his jawline sharp enough to cut glass, his presence commanding the entire frame. A reporter thrust a microphone toward him. "Mr. Slater! The internet is losing its mind over the 'Diamond Club Kisser.' It turns out she’s a physical therapist, Dr. Lowe. Do you have a comment on the budding romance?" Jake stopped. He turned slowly toward the camera, a cold, mocking smirk touching his lips. It was the look of a man who knew he held the world in his palm.

She just raised an eyebrow, a silent acknowledgment of the truth. Levi’s attention returned to the roach. He licked his chapped lips. “You got any more of that?” Jake let out a short, sharp, incredulous bark of laughter. It was a sound devoid of any real humor. “Are you kidding me? You just almost became a Happy Meal for a dozen walkers, and your first thought is to ask for weed?”

Gabe and Kane laughed. “Well I’m not shy. But yea that shit was embarrassing.” Jake and Jay laughed. “What exactly are you not shy about brother, please do tell!” Rena looked very curious, I shook my head. “Trust me you don’t want to know, cupcake.” Rena shook her head at us. “No, I do!” Jake and Jay shook their heads at her. “Jacobs ladder. That’s all I’m saying, and don’t say you weren’t warned.” She scrunched her face up.

"How many times have you told this shit-for-brains that you're taken...and gay?" "Fifteen times, at least." "You're still flirting with her? You're more pathetic than Jake, and that's saying something, he's the biggest bitch there is and you make him look like a WWE wrestler," Jack said, we make fun of each other every once in a while so I knew it was a joke.

I poured my heart out to Jake, recounting the story of my tumultuous marriage in agonizing detail, hoping that he could offer some words of wisdom to guide me through the darkness. But instead of sympathy, all I received was laughter – harsh, mocking laughter that cut through me like a knife. Jake laughed at my pain, finding amusement in my misery as if it were some kind of sick joke. "Why are you laughing?" I demanded, my voice slurred with intoxication. "This isn't funny, Jake. I'm struggling here." But Jake just laughed harder, doubling over with mirth as tears streamed down my face. "You don't see it, do you?" he chuckled, wiping away tears of laughter from his eyes. "You're a joke, Sean

he smirked, the edge returning to his voice. "Right," Jake deadpanned behind his screens. "So now when your fiancée phones, we all play dumb like we just heard you flip to 'soft-mode Damian'?" The room burst out in laughter once again. "'Hey babe,'" Jackson parodied in a sickly falsetto. "'How was your day, babe?'" "Y'all want KP duty for a month?" Damian threatened, squinting but not making the effort to hide the grinning smirk spreading across his face.

"Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology." "Why don't you slip into something comfortable, like a coma." "Shock me, say something intelligent." "You are so fat when you wear a yellow coat, people scream 'taxi'" "Why don't you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal." "You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!" "Fine! I quit, you win. Anyhow, we are going for some ice cream." Jake, at last, commits to his failure.

Once inside, we're meant to hold onto these strap things and stay as upright as possible as we roll down the hill, but I'm useless once I'm laughing, it's as though I lose all power in my legs to stay upright. I'm tossed around like a ragdoll inside, but it's so cushioned it doesn't hurt and so much fun, one of the best things we've ever done and sadly, it's over in the blink of an eye. It felt like it took longer crawling in and out than the trip down the hill, but I must admit, watching my friends squealing and laughing as they took their turn was almost as funny as going myself. Jake seems worried, despite keeping his stoic mask in place, he's quieter than usual and that's saying somethin