Yo Mama Fat Jokes

“You better be as long as the lengths you go to avoid me.” “Miss Patterson?!” he sounds flabbergasted. My eyes start to adjust to the darkness and I see that he is at the far corner, sitting on one of two seats in the room. “Is that what you’ve chosen to call me? Can you moan that?” “Miss Patterson!! I am your priest! You ought not to show up like this in front of me and say vulgar things to me.” He tries and fails to sound stern. He was practically drooling. “Yet all you want to do is clasp your hand on my chest and listen to me sing praises to you.” “You are of the devil.” I nod, “I’ve been called worse. But is it okay for a priest to moan about the devil while inside me?” “Will you stop??” “I will, after I’ve had my fill with you.” Melanie Rose Patterson wants her priest, and will stop at nothing to get into his pants. Because no matter what his mouth says, his body wants her. What Melanie wants, Melanie always gets... until now.

Mina is an eighteen-year-old teenager, her life was so unfortunate that she lost her father at age 10. And her mother was experiencing a terminal illness which could cost her life if emergency surgery was not performed. Poor Mina had no choice but to accept the job offered to her by a mysterious lady. That is, having a one-night stand with a complete stranger!. "I'd do it!. Please, I need the money!". . Alexander Cassano, the famous Ruthless Mafia of Las Vegas. With dark silk hair like the night, and icy grey eyes, he was the guy that any girl would desire to be with. Fate has it that when love is bound to be, nature will be at its best. Alexander believed in no such thing as love. Love is a weakness to him. He got into a fatal accident and lost the privilege to father a child (Impotent). Six years later, Mina, a complete nobody, returns with three kids identical to the Ruthless Mafia she bumped into. Book 2: "Superstar Daddy; My Loving Hubby!".

Sharlynn Carter lived quietly in Hollow hills for two years and her only problem as a seventeen year old was how to earn money to support her family. But when three supernatural families; the Ridge, Toody and Saunders return to Hollow hills, her life takes a drastic turn when they realize that she is the very person they have been searching for for five centuries. As she tries to elude death, friendships are formed, enemies identified, intoxicating romance develops and as war breaks out, Sharlynn discovers who she is and why exactly she should be feared as the reincarnation of the Tri-mate goddess. The hunted becomes the hunter.

From a young age, Rayne Lawson dedicated herself to preparing for the sacred Luna duties, as she was prophesied from birth that she'll lead the Pack to greatness. At last, her long-awaited 18th birthday arrived, the day she would shift for the first time in front of the entire pack and begin her journey as their Luna. However, instead of shifting into a majestic Luna wolf, Rayne's wolf was shockingly half the size of an average wolf. The Pack's hopes were dashed, and even her destined mate, Alpha Reynold Hayes, couldn't hide his disdain. Three years later, Rayne has worked tirelessly to earn the Pack member's admiration and prove to them that her small wolf doesn't define her abilities as a great Luna, as she brought great prosperity to the Pack. To the outside world, her life seemed like a fairytale: she was Luna, married to the Alpha, and the pack was thriving. But behind closed doors, Rayne's life was a nightmare. Her husband Reynolds was unfaithful, cheating on her with an omega mistress and forcing Rayne to watch as he flaunted his infidelity. He tortured her emotionally and physically, making her existence a living hell. A new Lycan King who was rumored to be ruthless and merciless had emerged. He invited all werewolf Alpha's to come form new treaty deals, disregarding the previous deals made with past Lycan Kings. Rayne's world was turned upside down when she discovered that the new Lycan King was her mate! And felt an undeniable force drawing her to him. Torn between the life she thought she was destined for and the unexpected path of her heart's calling. Rayne must navigate the dangerous world of forbidden love, dark secrets, and treacherous alliances. The future of her heart and her Pack hangs in the balance.

I was just a normal girl, despite not being human. Growing up my life was shitty, but still I was glad to be alive despite how dead I felt inside. There wasn't a single person in the world that I could trust. Not a single person that I cared for. Until HE came. My boring life soon vanished, werewolves hunt me from all corners of the earth. Rogues,Alphas, and kings alike. I was kidnapped, despite him telling people differently. Everyone told me he was a monster, the beast that never loved, he didn't feel pain, or remorse. For a while I believed the stories and rumours, until I came to realise that the beast simply acted on the assumptions of others. They called him a beast. They treated him like an animal. So the animal he became. But I could see the pain, the agony that he feels every day of his life. Unable to see the world in colour ever again, completely blind in human form. Slowly I was falling for the Lycan, not realising that he was waiting to catch me.

Grace was living her normal life with a decent job in New York City until she met Aldrik Kingsley the CEO of the Kingsley architecture and design. Aldrik was orphan who has worked hard to reach on the top of the world. Their journey starts when Aldrik's past decided to came back to him and Grace accidentally become a part of it. They don't have any other choice but to face it together. Is it was a accident or their fate decided to bring them together. Join Aldrik Kingsley and Grace Alder to see what fate has planned for them.

Just Right - It’s my birthright to go to Beta Academy. No matter what my stepmother thinks. According to her, I’m not worthy, as I am not the child of a fated union. But as the daughter of the Beta. I am guaranteed a place. Days before, my 18th birthday. I meet an Alpha Wolf who makes my life a little less boring. One day, he’s hot-headed and harsh. The next, he’s gentle and sweet. Is he the man for me? Who knows? Who cares? I just want a little fun before I leave. Because that is when my life will truly begin. Beauty Sleep - To keep her safe from Millicent. Ora’s parents trust three guardians to care for their daughter until her 18th birthday. Taken to an undisclosed location, Ora grows up under the careful supervision of her guardians in the human world. Following a fatal attack on their home. Ora and her last remaining guardian find themselves at Beta Academy. This is when Ora finally finds out the truth about herself and why she has lived a sheltered life. Can her guardian fulfill her oath and keep Ora safe, or will Millicent find her? Cold as Ice - As if being responsible for my parent’s death wasn’t traumatic enough. Millicent the witch that murdered them wants me for my powers. My only hope is for me to kill Millicent before she kills me. Leaving my sister and my home behind, I embarked on a quest for revenge. Now I’m older, wiser, stronger. But I’m still not strong enough. I need allies. To rid the world of the most wicked witch the world has ever known. If we fail. It’s not just my loved ones who will suffer. Everyone will.

«Verily, after every difficulty is ease».«I plan, You plan, We all plan but Allah's plan is the best». ~**~"Yeah, I know. I was your wife before but now I'm my husband's wife. And if you really love me as you said, you will let me go because I've let you go a long time ago. If you really love someone, you will do anything or everything for his or her happiness even if it means you let go" I wrote and mouthed to my husband "let's go". My husband carried me out in bridal styles leaving him who was crouching on the floor crying his bleeding heart out. ~**~No one is perfect, we mistakes, we break, we give up, we failed and we succeed. Follow Sophia through the journey of her life with every pains, twists, cries, betrayals, loves, hardship, revenges, heartbreaks emotional rollercoasters.

“Ahhh!…. K-uya, masakit!…” naluluhang wika niya habang dahan-dahang pinapasok ng kinakapatid niyang si Hunter ang pagkalal*ki nito sa makipot niyang kweba. “Ako ang bahala, bunso. Magtiwala ka lang sa akin. Alam kong masakit pa ito sa una dahil birhen ka pa, pero pinapangako ko sa’yo… I’ll be gentle...” "Kuyaaa!!!... Ang sakit talaga, ayaw ko na, please! huhuhuh!!!..." Parang bata siya kung umiyak. Well, bata pa naman talaga siya… ‘Yun sana ang araw ng pagiging ganap niyang dalaga dahil 18th birthday niya sa gabing iyon. "Hindi ko na pwedeng hugutin… naipasok ko na ang kalahati… ahhhh… ang sikip kasi!…" wika ni Hunter sa ibabaw niya pero lalo cyang umiyak. Humugot muna ito ng malalim na hininga bago bumaba sa ibabaw nya at tumabi ng higa. “Sorry, bunso… di ko na itutuloy. Pero promise me, akin ka na ha? Hihintayin kita. ‘Wag kang magnobyo ng iba sa Manila… akin ka lang.” Hinahaplos nito ang kanyang mukha, pinunasan ang mga luhang lumabas mula sa kanyang mga mata. “Sorry na, bunso… shhh. Don’t cry, Baby. I will take care of you. I promise, akin ka na, papanagutan kita sa pagdating ng panahon. From now on, you’re mine!” Humihikbi cyang nagtakip ng kumot sa hubad na katawan nya. Siya si Yasmin Therese Ledesma, at kinakapatid niya si Hunter Rosales. Debut party nya iyon… araw ng pagiging ganap nyang dalaga... at iyon din ang gabi ng pagkawasak ng pagkababa*e niya! Paano nya haharapin ang mga darating pang araw kasama ang kinakapatid na si Hunter? At paano naman siya seseryosohin nito kung titibo-tibo cya?

"Daddy please" He looked up from between her thighs and gave her a warning glare "Careful little flower, you don't want to sleep with an aching pussy do you??" ●●● Lilliana Barnette is your typical timid teenage girl, who finds herself falling more and more in love with the handsome Damon Michaelson... her father's bestfriend, a man much older than her and one she's to refer to as her uncle. Damon Arnold Michaelson, a multi-billionare business tycoon, bachelor in his prime known for his irresistible charm amongst the ladies. He finds himself falling for his neice Lilliana, but ...being his bestfriend's daughter meant she was forbidden to him but his desire for her only grew with each passing day ...even when he was being intimate with other women. She took over all of his thoughts without even trying. He knew he had to keep his distance from her but instead, found himself wanting to touch her every chance he got. His mind wanted to own his bestfriend's daughter in ways no one had ever done not even her boyfriend. All the while, she innocently kept thinking he's not affected by her or her body unaware of his filthy need to claim her as his for everyone to see. Everything changes when his said bestfriend has to leave the city for a business trip, entrusting him with the responsibility of taking care of his only daughter. Leaving under the same roof, the two find themselves in a love/lust infested dilemma. It gets ever harder for them to keep their feelings for each other hidden with every passing day. Though they tried at first, eventually their forbidden desire wins. They start meeting up secretly as often as possible, away from prying eyes ...most importantly away from Lilliana's father's eyes.