Betrayed Vows

"Alliah!"

I was surprised nang may tumawag sa pagalan ko habang naglalakad ako sa hallway. Based on that strident voice, alam ko na ang bruhang iyon ay ang best friend ko at hindi nga ako nagkamali nang lingunin ko siya. Tama ako, si Carol ang tumatawag sa akin, ang nag-iisang best friend ko.

"What's your problem?" agad kong tanong, feeling ashamed of her calling my name in this cold hallway that has a lot of students who are now looking at me.

"Hindi ka maniniwala! Remember your Mr. Left?" I gasped when I heard that codename. It's our best friend's thing to use some codename on someone we hate so no one can identify who we are laughing at or hating about.

And just hearing that name also makes me remember who the hell she was talking about. It was my ex-boyfriend. The man I hated the most in my life, I thought he would be my Mr. Right, but I was wrong because he left me... That's why we started calling him Mr. Left.

"Ano namang tungkol sa kaniya?" I rolled my eyes and continued to walk to the corridor, acting like I was not interested in what she was trying to say. "Nandito siya, Alliah! Nandito!"

I frowned. "Anong ibig mong sabihing nandito siya, Carol?" It seems my brain automatically stops functioning. "Jireh is here! Your ex-boyfriend! And you know what? Unfortunately, I've heard he'll be our classmate!" She shouted like she was more affected than I was.

"So what?" I gulped and sucked my teeth.

"Anong 'so what?' Nag-aalala ako para sa 'yo. Nakita ko kung paano mo sinira ang buhay mo noong iniwan ka niya! Nag-aalala ako dahil candidate ka for summa cum laude, at hindi ko maiwasang mabahala kasi baka ma-distract ka na naman at mawala sa landas! Alliah! Ano nang gagawin natin?" She hysterically explained as if it is the end of the world now.

I flipped my hair. "Girl, huwag kang mag-alala. Naka-move on na ako. Wala kang dapat ikabahala. Okay lang ako at hindi ako apektado."

But I was wrong. The moment I saw Jireh in class, those memories of us that I had forcedly forgotten just came back. And all of those shits and pains that I endured in the past are now lingering inside me again.

Napasinghap ako. Hindi ako makapaniwala. My tears are becoming traitors again. They wanted to fall when I was begging them not to. That man is not worth falling for. He betrayed me.

Gusto kong magalit sa kaniya. Bakit ba siya naritong muli? I am moving on. I finally got over him. Pero bakit na naman siya nagpakita? To test the waters? To see if the grass is greener here?

Tiningnan niya ako bago siya ngumiti na para bang nakalimutan niya na lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin. Pinatitigil niya na naman ang mundo ko. Pinahihina ang tuhod. Ayoko na. Hindi ko 'to kaya. Gusto ko na lang kainin ako nang buhay nitong lupa kung saan ako nakatayo.

I heaved a deep sigh and started to contemplate.

No, Alliah. You can do this.

Umakto ka na parang wala lang.

Huwag kang magpalinlang sa taong 'yan. Huwag ulit.

I looked away and sat down on my seat, putting all my attention on the board. Our professor asked my ex to introduce himself in front of the class. I did not bother to listen because I already knew him. I just hope I don't.

"Find the x and get its value in this equation." The professor pointed at the equation on the board. Tsk. Bakit pa kailangang hanapin ang x? Hindi na naman importante. Bakit ba kailang pang hanapin ang halaga niya, eh, wala na nga?

***

"Hey, I thought you already moved on," Carol inquired, full of sarcasm, trying to humiliate me. She gave me the bottled juice and sandwich that I ordered for lunch.

"That's the point, Carol. I already moved on, but why the hell did he come back? To test me?" Okay, iritable na ako. Hindi ko lang talaga ma-imagine na magta-transfer siya sa school na ito at pipiliing inisin ang buong pagkatao ko. His existence pulls the nerves out of me.

"I know, right? Iyan ang sinasabi ko. Nag-aalala ako dahil nakikita ko pang apektado ka sa presensya niya." She sighs. "I don't know if he's here to test you or to tease you or what. But let's try to forget about him and focus on your dream goal. Gusto mong maka-graduate with flying colors, right? Because of your father." She made me remember it again.

"Yeah," matabang kong sagot.

"You shouldn't get distracted by him, 'kay? Humanap na lang tayo ng ibang lalaki. Baka mamaya mahanap na natin ang Mr. Right mo. Huwag kang mag-alala, tutulungan kita."

Natawa ako. She's making me forget everything now. Just hearing those words gave me strength when I was barely giving up and doubting myself. She believes in me. She's always here for me. And I am so thankful to have her. I do.