Kabanata 4

RULES

Sandaling katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin pagkatapos kong sambitin ’yon.

Tanging ang marahas at mabilis na tibok ng puso ko lang ang naririnig ko sa loob ng sarili kong katawan. Para akong tumalon sa bangin na hindi ko alam kung may sasalo sa akin. 

Hindi kaagad kumibo si Matthew. Nakipagtitigan lang siya sa akin nang mariin, na para bang pilit niyang binabasa ang iniisip ko sa likod ng mga mata ko. 

Then, his voice finally cut through the silence. 

“So… you’re agreeing with the deal?”

Bahagya lang akong tumango, halos hindi mabigkas ang salitang oo. Nahihiya ako. Hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung ano tingin niya sa akin ngayon. I wonder if he sees me as a desperate woman right now... But I have no choice. For me to be able to live, this is the only option I have.

Napansin ko ang bahagyang pag-angat ng sulok ng labi niya. Halos hindi halata, pero hindi ’yon nakalampas sa paningin ko. It was a soft, fleeting smile, na agad niyang tinabunan sa pamamagitan ng pag-inom ng tubig. Umiwas siya ng tingin pagkatapos, kunwaring abala sa basong hawak. 

I bit my lip. Is he... happy?

Of course he is. I agreed to his offer. Dahil doon, ma-si-secure niya na ang posisyon niya. Sino ba namang hindi sasaya roon? Parehas naman kaming makikinabang sa deal kaya kung sumaya siya dahil roon, it's completely normal.

"Do you have conditions on your mind?" he asked, still avoiding my eyes.

Doon ako natigilan. I didn’t expect him to ask me about it. Akala ko siya ang gagawa ng lahat ng desisyon, na wala akong boses ukol dito, kaya hindi ko na 'yon pinag-isipan. Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang kagabi ay ang gagawin kong pasya at kung ano ang mga maaaring mangyari pagkatapos.

Nanlalamig ang mga kamay ko kaya marahan ko iyong ibinaba sa kandungan ko habang nag-iisip.

Maybe a written contract? I want our deal to be written and signed legally, para masiguro kong makukuha ko nga ang beach house matapos ang deal. 

Pero ayoko namang isipin niyang wala akong tiwala sa kaniya. And besides, hindi ko alam if that's possible, since this is a secret deal. 

Napansin kong bumaling siya sa akin, marahil nagtataka kung bakit hindi pa ako sumasagot. Ngumiti ako nang tipid, pilit na tinatago ang pag-aalinlangan.

“I’ll let you set the rules,” mahinang sagot ko. “Ikaw naman ang mas nakakaalam kung ano ang kailangan.”

Matthew nodded, but there was a softness in his eyes now, an expression that didn’t quite match the firm tone of his voice.

"Are you sure?"

Tumango lang akong muli.

“I’ll call my attorney later, then, to have the agreement written,” aniya, naninimbang na naman ang mga mata.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Ayon naman pala, eh. Hindi ko na kailangang mag-alala. Unti-unti akong nakahinga. I almost sighed in relief.

“For now, let me walk you through the rules I have in mind.”

Nakangiti akong tumango, masaya pa rin sa anunsyong magkakaroon ng written agreement. Somehow, it made things feel more certain, more secure. Pero agad ding napawi ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko nang mapansin ko ang titig niya sa akin. Napalunok ako. Seryoso na siya ngayon. 

He leaned forward slightly and rested both arms on the table.

“One…” he began, “you will be my wife for six months. During that time, we’ll act like... a real married couple whenever my family is around. No exceptions..”

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng pisngi ko. Alam ko naman ang kahihinatnan ng pagpayag ko, pero iba pa rin talaga ang pakiramdam kapag naririnig mo na ito nang diretso sa kanya. Parang ang hirap biglang huminga!

Tumango ako, pilit pinapanatag ang sarili. 

“Two,” he continued without missing a beat, “you’ll work for me as my secretary. It’s easier that way. I need someone I can trust close by.”

Nagulat ako roon. “Secretary?”

He nodded, expression unreadable. “Yes. You’ll work directly under me... under my supervision, so no one can question your presence.”

Hala...

"B-but I don’t have any experience in office work." pautal kong sabi. My voice trembled a little, and I hated that it did.

Ever since my parents died, I’ve been doing part-time jobs, mostly sa fast food. Minsan nagtu-tutor din ako para may pambili ng gamit sa school. Ayoko kasing abalahin si Tita Carmen para lang doon. I’ve learned a lot from my Business Administration course, but I’ve never had actual experience working in a real office. Panic started to creep in.

“You don’t need to worry,” he said gently, tila naramdaman ang kaba ko. “I’ll train you with the basics. Mostly, I just need your presence... when needed.”

I bit my lower lip. That wasn’t exactly what I imagined, but… I understood. Tumango na lang ulit ako, pilit tinatanggap ang lahat kahit hindi pa buo ang loob ko.

“Three,” he went on, his tone more serious this time, “you are not to leave my sight unless I approve. For your safety... our safety. And to keep this deal protected.”

Alam ko namang, this was just all for the deal but somehow, the way he said ‘your safety’ sent a strange warmth to my chest.

“And lastly…” He paused, like he was choosing the right words. 

“No lies. Be honest with your feelings. If you’re uncomfortable, if something’s wrong, you tell me. I don’t want misunderstandings.”

He leaned back, as if reminding himself to relax. “In return, once the contract ends, you’ll get the beach house. I’ll also shoulder everything, bills, clothes, food…” then he paused for a breath, “…education.”

Kumunot ang noo ko. 

"Education?" ulit ko, hindi sigurado kung tama ang narinig.

“Yeah. I’ll cover your studies too. Do you wanna continue it here?”

Natahimik ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin. I wasn't expecting that, at all. Hindi ko inakalang pati 'yon ay iisipin niya. I thought this deal was only about the house. About pretending. About convenience.

Pero ito? Ganito ba talaga gumawa ng deal?

Napalunok ako, pinilit kontrolin ang paglalambot ng damdamin ko. 

“Maybe… pero baka after the deal na lang. Pag-iipunan ko muna,” sabi ko, mahina, pilit tinatago ang kabog ng puso.

His brows pulled together. Parang hindi niya gusto ang narinig. 

“Why wait after the deal? You can start right away if you want. I'll help you... I’ll give you minimal workload. And there’s no need to save, I’ll pay for it.”

Napatitig na lang ako sa kaniya. Parang saglit na tumigil ang mundo ko sa sinabi niyang 'yon. Sa dami ng hirap na tiniis ko sa buhay, ngayon lang may nagsabi sa aking ganito. I don't know how to react. Is this even real? He looked so serious, kaya hindi iyon mukhang biro.

“Thank you…” sa wakas ay nasabi ko. “That means… more than you think.”

"Alright then. We'll process it soon."

“Paano mo nga pala nalaman… na estudyante pa ako?"

There was a brief pause. He looked caught off guard, but just for a second.

“I didn’t,” he said quickly, averting his gaze. “I just guessed.”

Naningkit ang mata ko. Ang galing niya naman manghula kung gano'n. Pero kung sabagay, laging sinasabi ni Donna sa akin na baby face ako at mukhang bata sa edad ko. Hindi rin ako matangkad kaya niya siguro nahulaan kaagad iyon.

"So..." He cleared his throat, iterrupting my thoughts. “About the marriage, would you want to be announced publicly as my wife?”

Napakurap ako. Ako ba dapat ang nagdedesisyon tungkol doon? Part of me wondered what it would feel like to be known as his, to have the world see me beside him. But another part feared it. I could feel my heart pounding right now. 

Hindi ko dapat iyon iniisip!

I turned the question around, hindi alam ang tamang sagot.

“What do you prefer?”

Matthew leaned back, his jaw clenching ever so slightly.

"I prefer it to be secret. There’s no need for the world to know who you are. Only my family. I’ll talk to them. I’ll say I’m protecting your identity for professional reasons. That way, you’ll still be able to work with me efficiently.”

He held my gaze.

“I don’t want the world to touch you.”

May kung anong sumiklab sa dibdib ko. I didn’t know what it was, panic? Flattery? Hindi ko alam! Basta ang rahas ng tibok ng puso ko, kulang na lang ay lumabas 'yon. Anong ibig niyang sabihin doon?

“W-what do you mean?” tanong ko, pilit pinapakalma ang sarili.

Biglang umigting ang kaniyang panga, parang bigla siyang natauhan, as if he realized he had said too much. Para bang hindi ko dapat narinig 'yon.

“I just don’t want complication,” he muttered, voice colder now. “You’re my contract wife, after all.”

Tila biglang naupos ang kung anumang kakaiba kong naramdaman kanina. Right... He's a businessman, and he doesn’t want to complicate things. I’ll be his contracted wife. Nothing less, nothing more.

I looked down, the words stinging in a way I couldn’t quite explain. Hindi ko dapat ‘yon nararamdaman. At hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko ‘yon nararamdaman.

Maybe it’s because it’s finally sinking in... that I will be married without love?

I don’t know... I don’t want to know.

“Okay…” I murmured.

He gave a small nod, then gestured back to the table. 

“Let’s continue eating.”

I nodded too, forcing a small smile, and picked up my spoon again. 

Pero habang kumakain, I found it hard to focus. The food tasted really fine, but my appetite was gone. Something was twisting inside me... something I really couldn’t name.

Hindi rin nakatulong na muli kaming natahimik. I could almost hear the distant chirping of birds and the soft crashing of waves behind the house.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagsubo nang mapansin kong tumigil siya. Tila bumigat ang hanging sa pagitan naming dalawa. Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin.

Matthew wasn’t just looking at me. He was surveying me.

Mula sa ulo, bumaba ang tingin niya sa leeg ko, sa balikat, hanggang braso. Kung hindi lang natatabunan ng lamesa, baka pati paa ko ay tinignan niya rin. Para siyang may hinahanap o kinukumpirma na hindi niya gusto. Para siyang... galit na naman.

I froze, spoon halfway to my mouth. Nalilito. 

What is he doing?

Umangat ulit ang tingin niya, tumama sa panga ko at doon siya nagtagal. 

My chest tightened. I swallowed hard and slowly set my spoon down. Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip niya.

Matthew blinked, His brows knit together sharply. His gaze darkens. His lips part slightly, then press into a hard, thin line. There’s a flicker of disbelief, then it vanishes, replaced by pure, simmering fury. His entire face hardens. Then, abruptly, he looked away, clenched his jaw, and reached for his glass of water. Inubos niya iyon sa isang tungga, tapos ay bigla niya iyong ibinaba nang malakas.

The sound made me jump. What just happened?

Tahimik at mabigat ang bawat kilos niya habang inuubos ang natira sa plato niya. Hindi siya nagsasalita pero halata ang galit sa bawat galaw, parang pilit niya nalang nilulunok ang pagkain, parang gusto na lang niya itong matapos kaagad.

Napalunok ako ulit, unti-unting kinakabahan. Hindi ko na matuloy ang pagkain, nakatitig lang ako sa kaniya habang may pagtatakha sa mukha. I had no idea what triggered it. 

Was it something I did? Something I said? Or just... me? What did I do? 

Hindi ko rin alam kung dapat ba akong magtanong o manahimik na lang. 

He looks like he’s seconds away from breaking something or someone.

He shoveled the last bite of food into his mouth, chewed hard, then suddenly pushed his chair back.

Napapitlag ako sa ingay ng upuan sa sahig. Bigla siyang tumayo. 

“Pagkatapos mong kumain,” he said tightly, not even meeting my eyes, “sumunod ka sa sala. We need to talk.”

At hindi na siya naghintay ng sagot ko. Dire-diretso siyang naglakad paalis.

Naiwan ako, nanigas sa kinauupuan. Mahigpit ang hawak sa kutsara. Hindi alam ang gagawin.

Humigpit din ang dibdib ko. Sumabog ang magkahalong kaba at takot roon. Halos hindi ako makahinga. 

Ang huling narinig ko ay ang mahigpit na tunog ng hakbang niya paalis.

What did I do?

But no answer came. Just the crashing waves outside, and the echo of his anger still hanging in the air.