Chapter 1

Zy's POV

I had a key to his apartment for eight months and I never once used it, but today I decided to use it.

I wanted to surprise him.

My last class ended early, and I bought him his favorite coffee, the caramel one he pretended not to like in front of his friends but each time I take it to him, he gulps it down like his life depends on it. 

I walked up the stairs two at a time. I was smiling like an idiot.

The door was unlocked.

I should have called out right away, I didn't. 

I heard something, a sound I couldn't place at first, but my feet just kept moving toward the bedroom.

"Fuck, Sam, fuck, you can't do this one thing right, go harder," the man on his kneels groaned.

That was Ronan's voice.

I looked and the door was open a few inches.

Then I saw him. Ronan, on his knees in a doggy style, another man behind him, hands gripping his hips, his cock stretched into Ronan's shit hole.

I stood there and my brain refused to give me a word, I was totally speechless.

It just showed me pictures, one after another, and none of them made sense. Gay, Ronan is gay, fuck how?!.

The coffee cup slipped out of my hand. It didn't shatter, it just rolled. 

Neither of them heard it.

I had been standing there for long and this too dickheads never knew.

Finally the words left my mouth through my teeths.

"Ronan".

My own voice sounded far away, like it came from another room.

He froze first. Then he turned his head, and I watched his face go through fear, then panic, then something uglier that I didn't have a name for yet.

"Shit. Fuck. Zy, wait..."

He shoved the other man off him so hard the guy nearly fell off the bed. He grabbed for his boxers, missed, grabbed again.

The other man didn't even look at me. He just gathered his clothes and slid past me out the door like I was furniture.

"Call me when your done Ronan", the man said.

Ronan came toward me with his hands out, like I was something wild he needed to calm down.

"Baby, let me explain..."

"Don't call me that."

"Zy..."

"Don't."

He stopped a few feet away. His chest was still rising and falling too fast. There was a mark on his neck that wasn't mine.

I looked at him and I felt weak and mad. I wanted to fucking yell at him and give me a dirty slap on his stupid face.

"How long".

It wasn't a question.

"It's not what you think..." He started.

"How long, Ronan?" I said.

"Eight months." He said.

"I watched it, Ronan. Tell me how it's not what I think."

He rubbed a hand down his face. When he looked back up at me, there was no shame in his eyes.

That was the part that made my anger much more intense. Not the betrayal itself. The fact that he looked like I was causing problem.

"You're going to stand there and pretend you understand what you saw," he said. "You don't."

"Explain it to me then," I shot back. "Cuz I fucking don't know if there's another way you want me to see this as".

"Damn it, Zy why do you have to make everything a scene?."

"I'm not making a scene, Ronan. 

I'm only asking you a question. Why didn't you tell me about this, you didn't tell me that you bend over for a man to stick his dick into you?," I screamed.

He crossed his arms. The gesture made him look smaller, not bigger, though I don't think he realized that.

"Pleasure Zy, you're too naive," he said. "You've been a virgin for twenty-two years and you still don't understand what a man needs. Besides your libido is too high for a virgin, you get all wet when you see a cock, but never lets it get in, I needed something you were never going to give me, you only let me use my fingers in your pussy, when it's turn for my cock you say "No, please I wanna save my virginity till our wedding".

I stared at him.

"So you cheated on me. With a man, because of that? For eight months?," I asked, my voice cracked.

"It's not cheating if it's something you couldn't give me in the first place."

I laughed. It came out wrong, cracked in the middle.

"Gosh, Ronan. Listen to yourself, Is it my fault that you don't know where to touch and how to make me aroused to the point where I beg for your cock, no its preeq, cuz it's tiny, cocks are for the big one's," I said with all the courage I had left in me. 

"I am listening to myself. 

I'm the one being honest here. You're the one who's been living in some fantasy where I was going to wait around for you to figure out your own body, I needed a pussy, a hole anything that can fit my cock, and since you weren't there, I... needed him."

I thought about every night I told him I wasn't ready yet. Every time he said it was fine, he could wait, he loved me for more than that. 

I thought about the ring box I found in his nightstand three weeks ago, the one I wasn't supposed to see, the one that made me cry happy tears in his bathroom because I thought I knew what was coming.

I thought about how long he must have been laughing at me.

"Get away from me," I said.

"Zy, come on."

"I said get away from me."

He didn't move. He just stood there with his arms crossed, looking at me like I was the unreasonable one in the room.

I turned around and walked out. I didn't run.

My phone buzzed before I even reached my car.

A text from my aunty Molly. 

Aunt Molly: Hey bitch, what's up.

Me: I found out he...his gay.

I typed back, my legs still moving fast. 

I slipped my phone into my bag, then I went into an empty dark room by my left, hoping to find a peaceful place to cry, then I heard moans again this times it wasn't Ronan .