9: Heartbroken

"What the heck Jessi!" I growled reaching out to grab my diary from her hand but she quickly pulled back

"Not so fast Bella," She said with an evil grin shun on her face

"Give it back Jessi," I demanded, once again reaching out to grab it but she pulled back quickly again.

"Oh jeez Bella, calm down. Why do you wanna take it from me so bad? I mean I haven’t even made the whole school read the part you wrote about Nathan, you know about the day you felt horny when he kissed you." She blurted, an evil smile rising on her face.

The whole school gasped and I felt embarrassed. Whispers instantly circulated around, I could feel them laughing at me and gossiping about it. I felt like hiding under a rock and never coming back again… the laughs around me were just too much that I couldn’t contain it. I quickly reached out and snatched my diary from Jessi's hand "How dare you." My voice came out low and nearly breaking as I tried to push back the tears in my eyes.

Jessi laughed "Oh come on Bella, don’t cry. I’m just trying to help you out, by the way, you need some help with those spellings, you kinda got some spellings wrong."

I scoffed "I hate you!" With those words, I rushed away from them trying to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of them, it’s bad enough they made me feel hurt, I can’t give them the benefit of watching me tear up.

As I quickly entered the classroom room ready to burst into tears, my gaze met Nathan, he was the only one in the room and he was sitting on my chair. His gaze met mine and I quickly diverted my gaze elsewhere. I turned around and was about to leave the room but held me back with his words "I read your diary," he said

I remained silent for a moment waiting for him to laugh or say something mean but he didn’t, he was just staring at me waiting for a response

"Okay you read it, so what?" I asked, he didn’t say anything, he just sighed. I continued "Everyone read the diary in school, it’s pretty embarrassing I know, but I wrote what I wrote and it’s the past so you should move on from it."

"What if I don’t want to move on from it?" His voice was low but firm

"Well, you have to because it’s the past and it was just one silly mistake."

He scoffed "I don’t see it as a mistake Bella, in fact, I kinda like it."

My brows furrowed, I looked at him in shock "What?"

"Yes, Bella." He stood up from his chair and walked over to me. "It was cute, it showed that the moments you and I spent were special."

I couldn’t believe he was saying that. Why is Nathan suddenly being so soft on me? I’d expected him to laugh or maybe say something crazy about it but he didn’t which makes me wonder if… "Is this a joke?" I questioned

"No, it’s not. I’m being serious, I think what you wrote is pretty cute." He said as he gently cupped my face "I didn’t want to admit it but honestly, It made my day Bella. I never thought you loved me that much."

I went silent again, unable to grasp why he was saying this but the way his eyes gazed into mine, reminded me of times- the times my heart skipped when he was around me and the times I loved everything about him, even his flaws.

Nathan took a moment before he said "Can I ask you a question?" He took another step closer to me closing the small distance between us. I nodded and he asked, "Do you ever think about us?"

I do but I couldn’t tell him that so I said "No."

"Ohh," he said taken aback "Well I think about us a lot and sometimes I miss you. Things were great you know. I was in love and you were in love and everything was so good."

"Yeah, It was." I sighed letting my gaze drop, he smirked and lifted my chin up to make me look at him

"Why are you so shy admitting that?" He asked, his breath fanning against my face

"Because…" my words halted and I just looked at him. I didn’t know what to say or even how to say it. I’m still in shock that he’s saying this to me, the same man who cheated on me on my birthday is saying this to me

Nathan pressed further "Because of what Bella?"

I hesitated for a moment before I blurted "Because you left, why did you cheat on me?"

His eyes instantly softened and it looked like he was contemplating answering the question.

I pressed further "You just said everything was good and you were in love so why did you cheat?"

"It was a mistake Bella." He replied, his voice was low like a whisper.

I couldn’t help but scoff "How is letting my sister feel you up a mistake?" I questioned in disbelief. My heart was already beating out of my rib cage as I recalled the moment I saw them together. It felt awful

"You won’t understand Bella, it was an honest mistake and if you just give me a chance, I’ll explain."

"Okay, explain," I said even though I know all he’ll do is talk bullshit to me

Nathan looked at me, he stayed there for a moment before he finally spoke "Before I do, I want to ask you if you still love me?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because if you don’t then the explanation isn’t necessary but if you do then you’ll understand. So tell me, do you love me?"

I hesitated for a moment before I responded "I don’t know."

"You know, I’m pretty sure you do. Tell me, do you love me?" He asked. I didn’t know what to say so I kept quiet but he kept asking over and over again before I finally blurted "Yes, maybe I do."

"Really?" He asked, his eyes lighting up

I nodded, though I wasn’t sure. I just wanted him to explain.

A smile grew on Nathan’s face, he looked happy for a moment and I felt like he loved me too but suddenly Nathan said something that took me aback "Guys you’re right, she fell for it. She’s still in love with me." He started laughing and I was confused for a moment but the second everyone including Jessi walked into the classroom, looking at me and laughing, I knew it was a setup.

Once again, Nathan broke my heart.