As soon as we entered my unit, masuyo akong hinalik*n ni Grey sa labi, mas matagal na kumpara sa mga h*lik niya kanina. Naibagsak ko ang bag ko, tuluyan nang nawala sa sarili.
So, this is what it feels like, huh? Grey's lips stayed longer at mine, kusa kong naipikit ang mata ko, nahihilo sa sobrang lapit namin sa isa't isa.
"What are you doing?" I said when he finally let go of my lips. Hindi siya sumagot, bagkus ay ginamit iyon to fully enter my mouth. Gulat at halos mabato ako sa kinatatayuan nang maramdaman ko ang p*ggalaw nang dila niya noong h***k*n ako. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa balikat niya, halos mabaliw na sa mga nangyayari. I didn't know what happened, but I soon find myself kiss*ng him back. I don't have any experience so I didn't know if I'm doing it right and good. I just find myself doing it.
We were both panting when we stopped. Inayos ni Grey ang nagulo kong buhok bago ako h*nalikan sa noo.
"Brent might be looking for me now. I have to go," paalam niya, kasunod nang pagtunog nang cellphone niya sa bulsa.
He k*ssed me one last time bago bumalik sa unit niya. Ilang sandali ako na napatulala habang nakatayo. Paulit ulit na nagf-flashback sa akin ang nangyari kanina.
It feels like a f*cking dream!
"I can't eat lunch with you today," Grey informed me one day at the Office. We always eat our lunch together with my friends, paminsan-minsan din na nakakasabay si Brent kapag maluwag ang schedule niya. I guess I can freely say na nasanay na ang grupo ko kasama ang grupo ni Grey, maliban lang kapag si Steffi na.
"Why?"
"Dad asked for me. Half-day lang ako kaya wag mo na akong hintayin mamaya." I nodded at him, hindi na nagtanong pa. If his Dad calls him, alam ko na kung para saan iyon.
I hold his hand and looked at him worriedly.
"You'll be fine. Just don't think too much about acing everything. Let him talk but don't let it affect you, okay?" Mataman akong tinitigan ni Grey pagkatapos ay dinampian ako nang h*lik sa pisngi.
"Thank you," he sincerely said after a long pause.
Pinanood ko siya habang paalis sa Office namin. Ma'am Tanya scandalously cough, making me look at her.
"Akala ko hindi kayo close, hija?" she smiled at me bago lumapit at tinapik ang balikat ko.
Okay? What was that?
"Ganyan din ako noong kabataan ko," Ma'am Tanya laughed and took a minute to reminisce about her past lovelife, I think.
"If he is your first love, I'm quite sure he won't be your last."
Ma'am Tanya's last word before leaving the Office lingered on my mind. Did she just cursed me or gave me an advice? Now, I wonder why she's still single at her age. Nakuwento kasi nina Ma'am Rebecca na walang asawa si Ma'am or even boyfriend as of now.
I hope Grey will be my first and only last love. I'll bet my life on it.
Gabi na noong magtext si Grey sa akin na nasa labas siya nang unit ko. I hurriedly open the door and let him in.
"Dinner?" he asked while heading to my kitchen.
"Magluluto pa lang ako," Grey looked at me like he was about to have a heart attack.
"I've been watching recipes on youtube, don't worry."
"Want me to help you?"
"No, thanks. Just watch a film or something. I've watched a fifteen minute video so it won't take long," Grey laughed out loud. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nakakatawa kaya nanatiling seryoso ang mukha ko.
"What? Fifteen minutes? What is it, then? Pasta?"
"Chicken adobo," Grey smiled, nagpipigil na naman nang tawa.
"Seriously, bakit ka ba tumatawa? Malapit na akong mapikon," I raised my eyebrow at him, napapahiya sa pagtawa niya but I masked it with annoyance.
"Love, you can't cook adobo for fifteen minutes. The chicken must be cook tenderly and it would take more than fifteen minutes."
Love? Oh, I'm sure it's not an endearment. Hindi ito ang oras para mag-feeling ako.
"Then why did the video--"
"Pinanood mo ba talaga? The viewers will be bored if the video will include that process. Are you a five year old kid? Bakit hindi mo alam?" Grey looked entertained, I'm sure he's not insulting me. He looks really happy. A genuine one.
Hinapit niya ang baywang ko para m*yakap. I can feel his nose in between my shoulder and neck, making us look like newlyweds.
"Do you want me to cook it for you?" he whispered, making my legs shake a bit. Jusq, Grey, the things you do to me.
"Are you hungry?"
"Uh-huh."
"Okay, you cook. I might take a while if I do it," I said, giving in. Kaya lang ay hindi naman gumalaw si Grey sa pwesto niya, kung gumalaw man, it is because he h*gged me tighter.
"Grey? Akala ko ba gutom ka na?"
He sighed before taking his hands off me, ayaw bumitaw pero kailangan niya nang kumilos.
"You're lucky I'm hungry."
"Hindi ka ba kumain sa Office nang Dad mo?" he didn't respond but I know the answer already. "I know I'm in no position to say this but you two should make up already."
"I know," he said and then busied himself in the kitchen. Pinapanood ko siya habang seryoso sa ginagawa niya.
"After that, lagyan mo na nang suka and take off the lid," tumango tango ako kahit alam ko na hindi ko naman masasaulo ang mga steps na itinuturo niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at pinitik ang noo ko.
"I know you're not paying attention, Peyn."
"Nakikinig ako."
"Ano nga ang sinabi ko?" he challenged me, sigurado na hindi ako nanonood sa pagluluto niya.
"Sabi mo alisin ang takip."
"Before that?"
"Lagyan nang toyo?" Grey laughed at my answer, tuwang tuwa na nagkamali ako.
Ang saya nito, ha. Dati ang hirap patawanin, ngayon naman ay ginagawa akong clown. Minsan hindi ko din talaga mabasa si Grey.
"You need to seriously learn how to cook."
"I know. Mom's been bugging me to do it," tumango tango siya sa akin, sumasang-ayon sa nanay ko. Kapag ako natutong magluto, magugulat ang mga ito.
"Don't worry, I'll help you. I'll stop by again tomorrow evening para turuan ka," bukas? Shoot. May dinner kami nina Carl, isasama ko si Calum. Paano na? Bakit ba laging timing sa lakad ko ang mga imbitasyon ni Grey?
"Bukas? May lakad ako bukas. The day after tomorrow?"
"Saan na naman ang lakad mo?"
"Dinner with friends," tumaas agad ang kilay ni Grey noong banggitin ko ang "friends". Mukhang may ideya na kung sino ang kasama ko.
"Dadaan pa din ako bukas dito," he firmly said, siguradong sigurado na pupunta siya dito bukas.
"Ano naman ang gagawin mo? Nag-dinner na naman ako 'non."
"Is dinner the only thing that we could do here?" Ano pa nga ba? 'Yon lang naman ang sadya niya dito.
Dahan dahan na lumapit sa akin si Grey, ikinukulong ako sa counter top. Napalunok ako pero matapang na tumitig sa kanya, hinihintay ang susunod niyang gagawin.
"We could do a lot of things here."
"Gaya nang?" pagtatanong ko, gustong gusto na marinig kay Grey ang mga puwede naming gawin. I wanted to slap myself right now. Kung ano ano na ang pumapasok sa isip ko.
"Maglinis nang unit mo."
"Yun lang?!" I disappointedly looked at him, hindi natutuwa sa nakuhang sagot. I'm thinking of making out with him dahil tuluyan nang nalason ni Grey ang utak ko kaya lang ay paglilinis pala ang gusto nito.
Grey smiled at me pagkatapos ay pinatakan ng h*lik ang tungki nang ilong ko.
"Kung ano ano ang iniisip mo diyan," he teased. Akala mo naman 'to! Siya kaya ang nagsimula!
"Kung gusto mong maglinis, ikaw na lang! Idadamay mo pa ako."
"Bakit? Kanino bang unit 'to? Sayo naman."
"Doon ka na sa unit mo bukas. Maglinis ka 'don hangga't gusto mo!"
"Why do I feel like you're getting angry?" pagtuloy niya pa sa pang-aasar sa akin. "What is it that you want us to do? Tell me."
Ayoko nga! Bakit kailangan ko pang sabihin kung ano? Bahala siya!
"C'mon. What is it?" masuyo at malambing niyang tanong, tinutukso pa ako lalo.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang relasyon na meron kami ni Grey ngayon. We don't really talked about that, nagulat na lang ako na ganito na. We're clearly maximizing the friendship that we have, I guess? It's not bad, though. Ayos na sa akin kahit hindi niya linawin.
I'm just happy I get to be with him. I have everything that I want right now, so who am I to ask for more? Kahit na hanggang ngayon ay lito pa 'rin ako sa kanilang dalawa ni Steffi, hindi na ako nag-abalang magtanong.
I trust Grey. And who am I kidding? Kahit naman pilitin ko ang sarili ko na umiwas na, alam ko na dito pa 'rin ang bagsak ko. Whatever happens, I know my stupid heart will try to make a way to his heart.
"Siguraduhin mo na maglilinis ka bukas, ha! Kung hindi ikaw ang ilalampaso ko dito,'' he handsomely laugh pagkatapos ay masuyo akong h*nalikan sa l*bi.
Mar. 7, 202xPeyn,How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’m sorry. I bet you’re crying reading this. I’m sorry, I made you cry again. How many days has it been since I left? Or is it weeks now? Don’t cry, please. Just imagine that I went on a vacation and we’ll see each other soon. Dang. I don’t know if I’m still making sense. I really don’t know how to ease your pain. I wanted to hug you. I didn’t know if I still need to blab now knowing that this is all making you cry. I love you, Peyn. Please continue living your life. Please do it for me. Please.Grey————————————————————————————Mar 18, 202xPeyn,How’s life? I hope it’s not giving you a hard time, this time. I hope everyone’s doing good. Can you do me a favor? Please greet my mom a happy birthday for me. I prepared a gift for her under my bed. I made Nurse Jade prepare this little surprise. (I know, I just couldn’t do anything but be a bother to her.) There’s a lit
"Bakit ba para kang mawawala? Can you stop it? We'll surpass this. Magpalakas ka kaagad so we can proceed with your therapy. You'd see my face all over again hanggang sa magsawa ka na," panenermon ko pa sa kaniya."Why can't you say you love me back?" reklamo niya na dahil kanina ko pa iyon hindi sinasagot."Why can't you stop sounding like you'd leave me?""Are we fighting now?" litong tanong niya na. Tumawa naman ako kaagad at nawala na ang kaba."You sound like you really want to fight me," I said suppressing another laugh."No. You just sounded mad.""I am not. You just assume I'm mad.""I love you. Please, say it back," bulong niya na naman, hindi na ako tinigilan doon.Yumuko ako para magkalapit kami, pagkatapos ay idinampi ang labi sa kaniya."I love you too, Grey," I wh
I wish I could go back in time... "What do you mean cancel? Cancelled again?" iritadong tanong na ni Tita Sam sa kausap na doktor. "How many times have you cancelled on this procedure? Twice?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lopez. Right now, it is very risky to proceed with the therapy. Hindi pa rin kaya ng katawan ng patient. If we continue, we might risk his life. I don't want to do it if I know there is a little chance of survival. I hope you understand." "Understand? Naka-ilang intindi na ba ako? Dalawang beses niyo nang hindi itinuloy? And what will happen now? Wait for another week? Another month? Kailan pa? My son is almost dying!" Tita Sam argued, totally losing it now. Nahuli ko naman ang paghawak ni Tito Geoff sa siko ni Tita, pinipigilan ito. "Calm down, honey," alu niya pa sa asawa. "Kaya mo pa bang kumalma? Tign
"I'm sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal ka ni mommy," I can hear Tita Sam's shaky voice from here.Nandito ako sa labas ng private room ni Grey, hinihintay lang na makatulog siya para makapasok na ako."It hurts everywhere, Mom.""I'm so sorry, anak," Tita Sam's voice broke. "I'm so sorry. Mommy can't do anything. I'm so sorry.""It hurts.""A-anak, palakas ka na. I promise I won't bother you anymore about our company," Tito Geoff finally spoke. "I promise to be a better father. Basta magpalakas ka, anak ko."I can hear Grey's mumbles but I couldn't understand it clearly. His voice is very weak. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang siwang ng pintuan, pagkatapos ay pinili na lumayo muna.I'll just wait for Tita Sam's text before going back. I went straight ahead the Hospital's cafeteria, only to find my friends there, silently
"Peyn!"I heard a loud bang on my door. Someone's knocking. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko, walang balak na tumayo para pagbuksan sila ng pinto.My friends are outside my room, and I know why. Halos dalawang araw na akong hindi lumalabas. I skipped work and I don't even visit the hospital since that night.Grey.I closed my eyes firmly, tears threatening to fall."Peyn! Buksan mo 'to!" Kara's voice echoed."Your parents are worried. Open up, please," Calum added.Ayoko. I just wanted to lay here. My body felt numb. I just feel so tired. My whole life is tiring."Hoy, Peyn! Huwag ka nga mag-aksaya ng panahon sa pagmumukmok! Bumangon ka diyan at ayusin mo ang sarili mo!" Carl shouted. "Ganito ka na lang ba? Itatapon mo na rin ba ang buhay mo at wala kang
It was dark when I went inside Grey’s room. I covered for his parents every night. Tuwing gabi lang dahil ito lang ang oras na hindi niya ako sisinghalan o papaalisin. It’s funny how I’m sneaking in just to be with him. Just to see him this close.Mahimbing ang tulog ni Grey noong makalaput ako. Kapansin-pansin ang mahahabang pilik-mata niya at matangos na ilong. I had been mesmerized by his features since I was a child. Hanggang ngayon. Kahit pa maputla na siya at namayat, I am still in awe of how handsome he is.I carefully watch him, afraid that I’ll wake him up. I’m just glad that he looks so peaceful and in deep sleep tonight. Malaya akong makakatingin.Inayos ko ang kumot niya at pinatakan siya ng malambot na h*lik sa labi. Ipinadausos ko rin ang kamay ko sa malambot niyang buhok at sinuklay ito gamit ang kamay ko. I heard him grunt and that scared the sh*t out of me. Agad kong itinigi