The Substitute

"I love you ever since the day you came into my life. You completed me Dale. You made me the happiest woman in the world. I promise that I will make you happy til death. Every second of our life I'll treasure it. I'll make what ever you want. From this day onwards and the rest of my life. I'll surrender my self to you. Your the one I wish to have. I love you." I said my vow to him. 

Habang tumutulo ang mga luha ko. I already open my dead end.

"I am Dale Marquez. Promising that I'll do my best to be worth for your love. I do everything you wish me to do so and make everything turns to possible one. I'll do anything what makes you smile. And promising that this love of mine is endlessly. I love you so much Rose Charmaine Dela Paz my Mrs. Dale Marquez til death do us part."

And there my tears fall down. I'm not Rose. I'm Lilly. Hindi ako ang dapat pakasalan niya ngunit heto ako nakatayo sa gitna ng altar kaharap siya.

"I Pronounce you as husband and wife. You make kiss the bride."

Right after the ceremony and the party my family learn the truth. 

Kahit masakit kakayanin ko. Dapat kong panindigan to. I made a choice so better finish it. I may be look like evil here. I made a choice that will benefits my twin. 

And if it will happened again. I'll do the same thing repeatedly.

Hindi dahil mahal ko siya.

Kung hindi dahil ay mas mahal ko ang kakambal ko.

I'll do everything to make her happy. And if that's worth of my own happiness then be it. I don't care.

"Bakit mo ginawa yun. Wala kang kwentang anak. Alam mo bang galit na galit ang pamilya nila sa atin." singhal ni dad sakin.

"Dad listen its not what I want —." my mom slap me.

Masaganang bumuhos ang mga luha ko. A perfect family is ruined by their own black sheep daughter. Yeah. Tomorrow, that will be the headline in all news paper.

"Lumayas ka. Hindi kita kailangan dito." sigaw ni  mama sakin

Kinaladkad naman nila ako palabas ng bahay. Right there is a black van.

"Gusto mo naman siyang maangkin hindi ba. 'Di sige sumama ka. Wala kang utang na loob. Wala kang respeto kahit kakambal mo inagawan mo." pahabol ni mama bago mag sara ang van.

Nakarating kami sa isang malaking bahay. Walang tao. Walang ilaw. Bakit ako nandito.

"Good evening wife. How are you. You want to own me. Then I'll do it rough." he said before owning me repeatedly. Na para bang isa lamang akong bayarang babae. 

My family left me. My husband left me. Mag isa nalang ako sa mundo. I don't have any one with me.

Bumalik ako sa tamang pag iisip ng maramdaman ko ang maliliit na kamay na humaplos sa aking basang pisngi.

"The water fall again in your eyes Mama" 

"Stop it. Mama stop making water"

Napatingin ako sa dalawa kong anak sa mag kabilang gilid ng aking inuupuang sofa.

Pareho nila pinapahid ang mga luha ko. Mas lalo akong naiyak. One day I'm alone and one day the blessing comes unwanted. Yet I like it.

What happened 6 years ago is a nightmare. A sweet nightmare that I'll do again if ever I have a choice. Because a two angel comes into my life.

Lara Marie Dela Paz Marquez  and Lance Kyle Dela Paz Marquez this two was the Angel I've got after what I've suffered. I thought it was my end and yet its only my beginning. A new life. A new inspiration and a new day will set your heart free. No matter what happened next, try to look back again and refresh your past journey.

You need to do so. You need to remember it so you won't do the same mistake again. 

"Carmella" madali kong pinahid ang mga luha ko bago ko siya sinalubong ng ngiti.

"Ma. What brings you here. You should be in salon. What it is? Tanong ko bago ko hinalikan ang kaniyang pisngi

She's my mom Angelica Salvador. She adopted me when my family abandoned me. When my life is in chaos. When I try to kill my self. The day I am giving up. She's the one who stay. She's the one who become my shoulder. She's everything to me now. She is my mother now.

"Oh. I just miss the three of you. Don't miss the party tonight sweetheart" sabi niya bago tumabi kay Lance at hinaplos ng marahan ang buhok ng bata

"Paano sina Lara at Lance. Hindi ko sila pwedeng iwanan" 

"Doon muna sila bahay. Nandoon ang mga apo ng kapatid ko. They hire babysitters for the babies. You should bring them there. And besides nandun naman si Ana. Remember buntis iyon at kabuwanan na niya. Hindi iyon aalis sa bahay. May kasama ang mga bata" paliwanag ng Ina.

"Yes ma. I'll come. Just wait me okay. I'll come with you" I said and she kissed my forehead before leaving me at my office.

My parents don't have a child. Ever since then. Kaya ng nakita nila ako na nag lalakad mag isa sa ilalim ng ulan. They get me and gave everything to me. Unfortunately my dad past away 3 years ago. And now only me and my children are taking care for my mom.

Sinipat ko ang aking relo at nakita ko na mag aalas syiete na pala ng gabi. Dali dali akong bumaba sa hagdan dahil baka nag hihintay na si mama sa baba. Muntik pa akong mahulog dahil sa pag kakatapilok ko pero di bale na.

"Careful daughter. I can wait. Just be careful next time okay. I can't afford to lose you. I don't want to left again." sabi ni mama dahilan para mag lakad ako ng maayos. 

"I'm sorry mom. I thought you just want to be there before its starts like my mom and dad."

"Oh dear forget it. Let's go. You're my daughter now. Forget about that past okay. Keep on thinking a good memory. Don't back at the old lily I know before Lara and Lance come. I'll stay okay." 

Kahit iyon lamang ang mga sinabi niya ay nakalma na agad ako. She won't leave me like my parents have done. I won't leave her too. Not because of utang na loob but because I love her. With her, I found the family I wanna have for almost 2 decades. And I am here standing besides the great Angelica Salvador. An all known engineer and a successful business woman.

And I am now an engineer too. I am Lilly Carmella Dela paz  Marquez but i prefer Salvador than it . I'm used to hear my name as engineer Lilly Salvador. People call me that. I'm already one of those known engineer here. Who would know that the person who hates art will be her passion now. 

"Breath my dear princess. This is the time to know you as my child. You are Lilly Salvador now. Not Dela paz or even Marquez. Breath sweetheart. No one will hurt you okay." naramdaman ko ang marahan niyang haplos sa likuran ko. Kahit papaano ay nakatulong iyon para kumalma ako. Yeah I need to calm down.

"Okay!" I said and let a heavy breath. 

I can do it. I know you can do it. Cheer up. Its just a party dear. Sooner or later they will eventually know you. Bakit ka ba kasi umuwi sa pilipinas? Kung hindi ka lang kailangan ng Mama mo para sa opisina ay sana nasa loob ako ng study room ko habang nag pipinta. 

"Thanks Ma." I said and gave her a sweet smile. You can do it. 

"And now. The two beautiful ladies who is walking on the red carpet is no other than. Ms. Angelica Salvador and her daughter Lilly Salvador"

The crowd clap and people welcome us. Pero hindi iyon ang nakakuha ng atensyon kundi ang isang pamilyang malapit sa upuan namin. My previous family. They are here with my devil husband. Buti nalang at nakawala ako sa kanila. 

They are like devil. 

My hands starts trembling. I sweating cold and I'm gasping for air now. Why I can't just simply said to head that stop and think a good a happy memory.

I can't.

"Breath lilly. I'm here. Don't panic. Don't be nervous okay." mama said.

"But I can't help it Ma." I whisper in a low voice.

"You can trust me." Nakangiti niyang ani. 

Tango na lamang ang naibigay ko sakanya. Yeah I can do it. 

One day I will wake up that I'm already used to it. That I can just ignore it. Maybe next time