Woodsy Leaves
My wife, Whitney Shaw, is a copycat.
Whatever her friends buy, she has to buy too. If they get new watches, she gets one. If they change cars, she changes hers too.
Last year, her best friend started keeping a young lover, so Whitney quickly finds one of her own.
"Claire and the others are all doing it," she says. "If I don't, it'll make me look like I'm doing worse than them."
The day I'm rushed to the ER after a serious car accident, she's busy celebrating the 100-day anniversary of her relationship with her lover.
"Claire's spending the day with hers, too. If I don't do the same, how embarrassing would that be?"
I curl up in agony, begging Whitney to sign the consent form for my emergency surgery. Instead, she complains that I'm ruining her fun and blocks me for three months.
Later, her friends' husbands all file for divorce and walk away with half their wives' fortunes.
Whitney, on the other hand, rushes home that very night and breaks up with her lover.
"Honey, I've thought it through," she says, busying herself in the kitchen with an apron. "From now on, I'll be a model wife, just like others."
I stare at the divorce agreement she previously had drawn up because of her lover.
"What a coincidence," I say, flashing her a faint smile. "I've been copying others lately, too. I've decided to follow their example and get myself a new wife."