Absurd Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

Grace White, a weak werewolf with cowardly alpha blood that runs through her veins, is an obedient daughter that strives to stay out of her father’s way and pay her stepmom's hospital fees. Though living with an abusive father, Gracey always finds the time to stop and appreciate life and the joy of being alive. However, when her stepmom’s hospital fees begin to triple, her stresses begin to consume every ounce of joy she has left. Being a girl who lives a life grounded on morals, the thought of selling herself as a house maiden/servant, as her father suggested, to earn enough money, sounds absurd at first. Yet when there seems to be no other option, and her mom’s life hangs in the balance, she decides to sell herself in the largest and most esteemed auction that El Salvador hoists every year. Her mixed feelings towards the auction become subdued, as the moon Goddess gifts her the person she has always dreamt of having. But will he accept her, or hurt her much more than life itself? …but whatever he chooses to do, he needs to remember that: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Grandpa Arthur Bennett was taken to court after being accused of using violence and coercion to commit rape. Yet I lounged at home, idly scrolling on my phone while watching a livestream. In my previous life, determined to uncover the truth, I had volunteered to serve as the plaintiff’s lawyer and investigated the case in depth. I had even contacted my brother, Ethan Bennett, praised as a genius lawyer, and urged him to defend Grandpa. But he believed the story I told was absurd—a lie meant to stop him, my best friend, and my mom from going on their trip to Moonlake together—and he blocked all my contact information. In the end, Grandpa was sentenced to life in prison and suffered a fatal heart attack in the courtroom. My family believed I had deliberately helped the plaintiff and disregarded my own kin. They blamed Grandpa’s conviction and death on me. When my Mom returned and saw Grandpa’s body, she collapsed in grief. Overcome with emotion, she got into her car and drove it straight into me, killing me. When I awoke with a start, I realized I had returned to three hours before Grandpa was taken to court.

“And that is the reason why I said those words. I like your fear, not because it is a normal thing. I love it because deep down you are a monster like me, schiava. You fear me on a primal level, you can feel my power and dominance, and you know you aren’t the strongest here. So you don’t fear Renzo Valentino the human, you fear the monster that lurks inside.” My life changed the night of my birthday. What started as a funny dare ended with blood and having a price on my head. I thought Renzo was the hero who saved me that night, but he was the devil who owned me forever. I, Misha Yakov, princess of the Russian mafia became Renzo Valentino's slave. He broke me, tortured me, and molded me into something new, something I hated and craved at the same time. I, Misha Yakov became my master's pet.

Emilia Burke is a young and advanced college student with an eye for trouble. Ever since her last year in high school, when the only man she ever loved disappeared without a single glance, she has been an expert at evading heartbreak. And hasn't formed a meaningful connection since. Sure, she's young, funny, pretty, and too smart, but she has kept her love interests at a distance and kept everything simple. Fun. No feelings attached. But now, with as much ease as when he disappeared, Leon Maverick has returned to her life as a successful and sexy business tycoon. He's determined to win back the girl whom once had given her all for him, but there's a problem when she can't even stand the idea of him. If only she would give, but there's just something... Something about Leon. And maybe, he'll break through her barriers one last time.

Tara’s mother and sister are both Lunar Wolves, blessed by the Moon Goddess with unique abilities. Tara seems to be an ordinary werewolf, but as she comes of age and welcomes her charismatic wolf, Trinity, her quiet life in Blue Moon is turned upside down. When she finds her mate, she’s catapulted into the spotlight, into a fairy tale with dark undercurrents she never saw coming. The threat of war looms, as her sister Talia prepares to become one of the first female Alphas, a controversial break with tradition that faces formidable resistance. Tara uncovers long buried secrets, a cryptic prophecy that unexpectedly awakens something dormant, and finds herself at the forefront as winds of change sweep through Lycan and Werewolf society. This is a story full of twists, turns, and laugh out loud funny moments. If you’re ready for a fast paced and thought provoking romantic comedy with plenty of drama and action, this novel is a fun must-read.

One night, as I was making my way to the bathroom around 3 a.m., I saw my dormmate, Yvonne, squatting in front of our door. She was rearranging all our shoes so that their tips were pointed inward. I thought it was funny, so I rearranged them to have their tips pointed outward. The next day, I found that all of them had been positioned inward again. This kept happening for a week, and I continued to scramble things up, hiding the shoes, even, or tying the shoelaces together. But they always ended up being repositioned neatly inward. I started observing my dormmate and found her mumbling to the shoes while squatting at the door. I ranted about it online, only to have my first reply send chills down my spine. [Do you also get the weird feeling that something paranormal is happening around you? You have to move out before it’s too late!]

"I need you to get the out of my presence!" Lorena screamed, her whole body trembling with rage. Makris chuckled. "You swear you hate me Lorena, but your eyes tell a different tale. Your body responds to my presence with the promise of the most sinful pleasures of life. I know you loved him once Emerald, but he's your past. I my dear, I am your future." The glamorous Lorena Cicero is a tempting heiress from the most delicate home in Rome. If Rome has a royal family, it is the Cicero's. She has the face of an angel, but the brains of a demon. The previous year, her elder sister Verona Cicero was forced into an arranged marriage to the duke by their absurd father. This year, it is Lorena's turn to be forced Into an arranged marriage willed with a contract to the heir of the most powerful Greek businessman from a prestigious lineage, Makris Adriano Andino. All breaks loose when the arrogant Greek billionaire discovers she's the woman who catnapped him a few weeks back. He vows to put the sharp-witted beauty in her place, while Lorena plans to defy her father if it meant being stuck in a loveless marriage. A whirlwind of love, betrayal, power, lust, and drama tests the relationship between these two powerful dynasties, leaving casualties behind.

My boyfriend's childhood sweetheart bound herself to a transfer system: everything she ate would be redirected straight into my stomach. She opened a streaming account and broadcast herself eating for twelve hours straight. She earned a fortune. Meanwhile, I collapsed with acute pancreatitis and was rushed to the hospital. When I explained the situation to my boyfriend, he only stared at me like I was insane. "How could something that absurd exist? If food could really be transferred, no one in the world would ever starve. You're just jealous that she's making money from streaming." After that, every time his childhood sweetheart went live, I ended up hospitalized again. I kept hovering between life and death. I sought medical help, but the doctors couldn't explain my condition. Some even wanted to commit me to a psychiatric ward. Then, one day, in order to outdo her rivals in a PK match, she devoured ten pounds of rice in a single sitting. At that very moment, my spleen and stomach ruptured, and I bled to death on the spot. When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the day of her very first livestream. This time, I was prepared. I rushed out and bought twenty takeout meals. "This time," I said, "I'll eat first."

My wife, Sarah, died unexpectedly. My in-laws made an absurd request. "Why not have Stella play both roles? After all, Luke can't be without a mother." My brother-in-law, Greg, yelled at me, calling me shameless, and stormed out in anger. I looked at my sister-in-law, Stella, who looked exactly like my late wife. I could hardly conceal my grief. I was about to urge them to abandon their ridiculous idea, when I accidentally overheard a conversation between her and her parents. "It was Stella who died, so why did you lie and claim it was you?" Sarah sighed. "I love Greg. I staged my death so I could be with him legitimately. As for asking me to play both roles, don't even bring it up again. As for Michael, I have already given him a child and a respectable marriage. I owe him nothing." Turning around, I saw Luke with reddened eyes, asking me softly, "Daddy, does that mean that Mommy no longer wants us?" I bent down and pulled him into my arms, forcing myself to soothe him. "Your Aunt Stella wants to protect the person that she loves. We shouldn't bother her. It's time for us to prepare a new life."

Charlotte Winston is an omega who gets abused by her pack members. She is twenty years old and still hasn't heard from her wolf. She thinks she's wolfless that is until one rainy day. Damon Massimo still hasn't found his mate until a visit to Charlotte's pack changed that but he doesn't want an omega as his Luna. "Just say you reject me," I told him ignoring the lump in my throat. I can't cry not in front of Damon. He looks at me with a sadistic smirk, he traps me in between his arms and whispers, "Who said I was going to reject you Cara?" he asked with venom in his voice, "No, I'm not going to reject you but I'm going to show the moon Goddes that if she thinks it's funny to give me an omega as my Luna she's playing a prank on the wrong Alpha," he finished looking at me with disgust.