Absurd Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

My fiancé’s pampered niece, Jenna Quinn, had just returned from abroad. The moment she got back, she caused a scene at our engagement party, throwing out so-called “evidence” of my alleged affair in front of the media. Zac Quinn had no choice but to leave me with the mess, clutching his hysterical niece as they left. His parting words? “This is just an engagement party. Jenna’s well-being is far more important.” After I painstakingly managed to control the public narrative and was waiting for Jenna to make a public clarification to settle the matter, she instead curled up in Zac’s arms, crying softly. Zac’s expression turned cold. “Jenna only has me, while you have so many people who love you. Why must you target her?” At first, I thought Zac was just being overly protective of his niece, who had lost her parents at a young age—until I saw the two of them kissing. “You’re the precious girl I’ve raised with my own hands. From now on, Nina will be your aunt, and she’ll shower you with love, too,” he said. I clenched the ultrasound report in my hand and, without hesitation, tossed it into the trash. Love that can’t be held onto isn’t worth keeping. I decided to return home, accept my family’s marriage alliance, and fully embrace my role as the heiress of the Walker Corporation.

For a full decade, my billionaire husband and my best friend were locked in a vicious feud. Jordan Skinner had deliberately run Giselle Parson over with his car, shattering her leg. In retaliation, Giselle had smashed a baseball bat into his head, leaving him deaf in one ear. I rushed around to care for them and bitterly pleaded with them to stop fighting. Ironuton's high society laughed about it behind our backs—the all-powerful CEO and the proud heiress tearing the city apart, with pathetic little me trapped helplessly in the middle. After yet another heated argument, they abandoned me on a remote mountain during a camping trip. A passing drifter found me and brutally assaulted me. When they finally located me, Jordan flew into a rage and broke the man's legs, while Giselle crushed his groin. They held me tightly and wept, swearing a truce on the spot. From then on, they joined forces to spoil me, turning me into the happiest woman in Ironuton. On our third anniversary, I prepared chicken soup and carried it to Jordan's office. Through the narrow crack, I saw Giselle straddling him, moving with raw desire. "These past few years... I only ever feel anything when it's with you, Jordan," she said, her voice dripping with lust. "That night, when Jane was being tortured by that drifter on the mountain, we were down in the valley cabin using this same position, weren't we?" Jordan smacked her backside, warning, "Shut up, Giselle. We owe her. If you let her find out the truth, I'll show you no mercy." The thermos slipped from my fingers and crashed to the floor. Jordan froze mid-motion and looked up to see me standing there.

While doing my girlfriend Bianca White's laundry, I found an envelope with a certified marriage certificate and a wedding photo between her clothes. In the wedding photo against the white background, the young man beside her smiled with bright, reckless confidence. I shook all over and slammed the document down in front of her. Bianca gave it one calm glance, then tapped the young man's face in the photo with her fingertip. "Mason Rivers. You know him. He failed to get into grad school and tried to kill himself last year and I saved him, so we exchanged numbers. He wouldn't have come to me unless he was desperate. "His parents are very controlling. Back home, they were trying to force him into a marriage and give up on his education. As an educator, I couldn't just stand by and watch him die, so I helped him." Bianca said it so casually, as if she had only done him a small favor. However, the marriage certificate and wedding photo would not go away. I stared at it, then suddenly laughed until I almost cried. I had waited eight whole years for that certificate, yet I had never once gotten Bianca to say "Let's get married" even now. I never expected Mason to get it with one sentence.

A young guy keeps getting into trouble in very funny and unfortunate ways. He wrecked havocs on people too, mistakenly. He hallucinated and had great fantasies about people to brighten up his hearers. Afterwards, he came back to his mundane reality.

By day, Carlotta spins stories. By night, she serves drinks. Her life was simple. Until her good-for-nothing brother offered her as collateral to pay off a massive gambling debt to a ruthless underground casino. Now she's the reluctant fiancée of a powerful mafioso rumored to have a cruel streak... and a bedroom secret that's the talk of the criminal underworld: erectile dysfunction. Carlotta would've found it funny if it weren't her life on the line. To make things worse, fate throws in another complication: her dangerously attractive new driver-slash-bodyguard. With abs worthy of a thirst trap and a face that screams "Asgardian demigod". He's the kind of temptation a woman in her situation absolutely does not need. Just when she thinks it couldn't get more absurd, her cold, mysterious fiancé summons her to his penthouse suite with one chilling demand: He wants a taste of what's been promised. Her.

Awakening to a bewildering and astonishing reality, Seraphina found herself in an extraordinary situation: she had transmigrated into her own novel, stepping into the shoes of a character she had meticulously crafted. The male lead in her story was notoriously elusive, challenging to approach, and the master of a harem. Seraphina, now Zephyrine Everlynn, unexpectedly found herself among the women in his harem. It was utterly absurd! Promptly leaving the harem, Seraphina used her knowledge to help others win the male lead's heart, all for the right price. But why did the male lead continuously find his way back to her?

Kiara Tennyson. It has always been her dream to go to the US. After her parent's death, an opportunity presents itself when she gets a chance to go there as an exchange student. She is funny, crazy, very loving, and has read too many books to know that she will find new friends, get into a fight on the first day of school with the queen bee and later teach her a lesson, and maybe find love. Reed Scott. Your typical cliche bad boy. His first love broke his heart causing him to change from loving to becoming cold. What do you think will happen when a bubbly and crazy person comes barging into his life and tries to change his cold demeanour? Why don't you read and find out? Join Kiara and be mistaken for a dog sitter, get into fights, prank the queen bee, fall on your butt in front of your new best friend, prank the whole school, take the bad boy shopping and most importantly find love abroad.

Sixteen years old spoilt brat, with weird quotes from her diary, Katherine Amelia Jones is being stripped off her position as the only child when her Dad remarries a woman with five children, who she develops this sudden hatred for. From being bullied to getting wanted and longed for, by her bully, her step brother.Things takes a sullen turn when she finally lets her guard down and gets involved in a proscriptive relationship with the eldest male of her step siblings.***A mind blowing story filled with suspense. Totally worth reading.