Actually I Was There Alone Novels & Stories

As I'm staring at the wall I hear the door open. I can't bring myself to see who walked in. Being alone is my new life now. I don't want my hopes up when someone comes to drag me out of the room, only to be left alone in the end. The door closes with a loud click and feet make their way towards me. I close my eyes in an attempt to stop the temptation of looking to see who's here. Please just leave me alone.

Something soft, something acoustic, something that made my heart swell. I walked down the aisle alone. That was my choice. Not because I didn't have anyone who could walk with me. Because I wanted to walk myself. I wanted to arrive at this moment on my own terms, carrying only myself, asking no one's permission and no one's blessing. My mother was gone. My father was a stranger. My aunt had died before I could really know her. But I was not alone. I had never been alone. I had just been afraid to see the people who were standing beside me.

‘So, you’re here alone. I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain. ‘In case your billionaire powers of observation have failed you, Portia and Josh are down there. They’re fully formed human beings. I’m not marooned on a desert island.’ ‘You know what I mean.’ I sighed. ‘Fine. If you mean, am I here alone, unattached, tragically single, a pathetic singleton surrounded by a sea of Valentine’s couples, then yes. Congratulations on your deduction. I am alone. Are you happy now?’

If anything goes wrong please make it right because there is little I can do and if I am assured I still have you I don’t need anyone else with me. “Please mom I can’t face life alone please help me.” Saying these words I gathered up the strength to stand up and I finally moved away. From my mother’s grave and from my only form of comfort. Now I am left to face life alone even if it is full of so many difficulties. I had no choice as I had no one to run to anymore. It was me,myself and I and I was going on solo. I walked along the path not looking back for even a second because I was afraid I was going to lose control of myself and break down again.

And yet… none of it really hit the same. I was leaning in close, smiling for a photo with a girl in a corset top who said she’d been following me since my van tour video went viral, when it hit me: I was alone. Not alone alone—I still had Tyler pressed against my legs like a shadow with a tail—but Thomas, Brody, and most importantly Teddy were nowhere to be seen.

Now dying because I couldn’t eat anything at all. Poetic. Stupid. Perfect. Bree was quiet. Verm accompanied me silently. Yet I felt alone. Just me and the slow, steady realization that this was it. Another day. And nobody was coming.

I still fill like I'm alone in this whole world like everyone's so happy except me. The time was morning, I've decided to stay at my house, it was better than meeting any other useless people, It was a quiet day, I do not hear any voices, only the voice of birds and the breeze, it seems like I'm the only one who left here, how I love that feeling, living alone without sadness, I remembered that day when I saw him walking alone, I thought it might be better to walk with him, it's our first meeting, in sam smith park, yeah I should get back to my dreams, its a good time to get back to bed... - hello? Who's here?

And somewhere in the middle of discussing press statements and gala preparations, I realized something important. I was happy. Despite the complications and the upcoming challenges and the very real fear of what his world might do to us, I was genuinely happy. Because for the first time in my life, I wasn't alone in facing whatever came next. I had a partner. A real one. And together, we might just be strong enough to handle anything.

I was left all alone with Kaiden. Trust me when I say this, this was the worst night of my life.