Best Funny Pickup Lines Ever

Did he ever love me, did he ever care. No, no he didn’t. I spoke to myself as I was speaking with Damon the only one man who showed he actually cared but Zade, Zade , Zade didn’t care, he only used me to please his selfish ego, to fill his sexual desires, he was nothing more than just a temptation. My best friend brother was nothing more than just a temptation. “Did you really care, or was I just your show off, answer me Zade” I demanded of him but he stayed quiet, I guess I finally have my answer. Zade didn’t care but little did I know that he actually did, that he actually cared for me, should I turn back or should I accept. I guess it’s left to fate.

“There was a fucking earthquake. It caused an avalanche on the mountain. Didn’t you feel it, you lazy piece of shit?” I yell at Kaleb. “No, I didn’t. I was fucking sleeping. Quit bitching at me.” he says. He’s wearing nothing but grey sweats that hang low on his waist. God, how can someone so fucking hot be so fucking annoying? “We are stuck here. There’s at least 25 feet of snow blocking us in this cabin. Lily and your parents can’t get back either.” I tell him. “Thanks for the observation. If we can’t get out, they obviously can’t get in.” “Can you not be a snarky asshole for 2 minutes?! We are literally fucking stuck in this cabin together for god knows how long!” I yell at Kaleb. He’s so infuriating sometimes. “Relax. I’m sure we’ll probably be out in a few hours.” “Oh you’re sure, are you? Well, guess what dipshit? The guy on the radio said they’re focusing on the surrounding areas first and then they’ll be working on the mountain. That could take fucking days, Kaleb.” Kaleb takes a step closer to me. “Don’t talk to me like I’m fucking stupid, Riley.” “Oh yeah? What are you doing to do?” “If you don’t stop with this bratty attitude, I’m going to fuck it out of you.”

“Are you really a virgin, Doll? Have you really not let anyone stretch this pussy?” “N-no.” He hummed something in my ear, and then a pool of wetness formed between my thighs. Looking up at him, I was sure I wanted him to take my virginity. It was everything I had always wanted since I was 18—since I knew how people had sex, how the thing between a man's legs worked. Since I had spent all summer practicing in my bedroom, under the sheets, fingers deep in my pussy as I screamed my best friend’s brother’s name — fuck you, Kai Reed. ~~~~ Dylanne Hayes has always had a huge crush on her best friend's brother, Kai. He's every woman's dream—and hers, of course. But she can't betray her bestie’s trust, especially not after what happened five years ago, on her 18th birthday. Now Kai is back in the States. He's different, more charming, and she swears she's over him. So her bestie, Kim, arranges a date with Kai's best friend, a “casual meet.” What happens when Kai decides that he is done letting her be someone else's, and this time, she is his? Warning: this is smut with a plot. The kind of book you crack open and immediately regret because now you’re hot, bothered, and way too invested. Ever looked at your best friend’s brother and thought, yeah, that is a terrible idea, let me ruin my life a little? This book is that bad decision. It’s messy, it’s scandalous, it’s fucking shameless, and it does not behave. An Erotic Romance with a little bit of pain, and yes, I do write the scenes.

She's my best friend's sister, which meant she was off-limits. But I could never keep my distance, because I had always wanted Mia. I tried hard to resist my feelings for her, yet, I couldn't. So, I walked away, thinking it was the right thing to do. Now, ten years later, I've made a name for myself. I’m a billionaire with everything I ever dreamed of—except for one thing: Mia. When I see her again, she’s not the shy girl I once knew. No, she’s confident, strong, and still the one person who has the power to make me lose control. However, she’s also cold and distant, treating me like just another client, a stranger. She has every reason to hate me. But this time, I’m not walking away.

In my past life, my best friend and I married twins at the same time. We shared secrets, complained about our husbands, and teamed up to outsmart our overbearing mother-in-law—it was truly enjoyable. Until the day I nearly died giving birth to twins. As I lay on the brink of death, my best friend cradled my newborns and revealed the cruel truth. “Thank you, Bianca, for giving me such adorable twins. You had no idea, did you? The twins only ever loved me. If I had the ability to give birth, we wouldn't have used you as a tool to have kids. "You’re poor and have never been loved, so it was far too easy to manipulate you. Even the way your husband loved you? It was all my idea—I planned every move he made. “Oh, and every time you two were intimate, I was watching through the cameras—every single time!" When I opened my eyes again, I was back to the day I met my best friend.

“I know you want me. Petals.” His husky voice broke the silence in the room. “And I want you too.” My excitement spiked up as he ripped off my nightwear and did the same with his clothes exposing his well-built body. We were naked now, and his scrutinizing gaze made my heart race with anticipation. It was as if my mind had gained complete control of my body even as I willed myself to stay in control, it wasn’t working. “Uncle Ivor. This can't… you know Dad will–” I tried one more time, still in shock that this was happening. “This will stay between us. It will be our little secret, petals.” He whispered again, climbing the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every girl has that time when they crushed on that one person they shouldn’t crush on and couldn't have, and it was quite the same for Renee Morse, especially when that harmless crush turned into something as endearing as obsession. She always dreamed about herself in the strong arms of her godfather and her dad’s best friend, Ivor Walker. His voice alone is enough to make her knees weak and nipples erect. Her body aches for him, her fantasies of him leaving her trembling, and her desires unrelenting. When her parents moved away for work and she had to spend her holiday with him, she took it as a sign from the universe and decided to seduce him until he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She succeeded, but little did she know that forbidden relationships always bring havoc and nothing is as simple as she thought. With enemies lurking and secrets from Ivor's past resurfacing, how long can they keep their relationship hidden? Will their love last the test of time, or will they drift apart?

I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to graduate top of my class, get into the best law firm, and make my brother proud. What I’m not here for? Sharing an apartment with Cade freaking West. My brother’s best friend. Tattooed, cocky, insufferable. A walking red flag on skates with a motorcycle named Roxie and a different girl in his bed every night. We don’t get along. We never have—especially not after what happened. He hates me for it. I don’t regret it. I was right. But the longer we’re forced to live under the same roof, the harder it gets to ignore the heat. The tension. The way he looks at me like he’s two seconds from ruining my entire life.

After I got a second shot at life, the very first thing I did was enroll in an intensive weight-loss boot camp. In my past life, my boyfriend was always on my case about my weight. He flat-out told me he wouldn't put a ring on it unless I got down to a hundred pounds. I tried every diet and workout plan out there—I pushed myself to the edge—but instead of losing, I packed on even more pounds. Meanwhile, my so-called best friend ate cheeseburgers, fries, and pizza like it was her job and still dropped from 130 pounds to a hundred in less than a month. The second she hit that magic number, my boyfriend's head turned. They started sneaking around behind my back. When I finally confronted them, they shoved me off a rooftop. It wasn't until after I died that I discovered the truth: my "best friend" had linked herself to a weight-transfer system. Every single pound I struggled to lose went straight to her. And every ounce of fat she should have gained? It landed right back on me. When I opened my eyes again, I was back on the exact day my boyfriend gave me his hundred-pound ultimatum. With every memory of my past life intact, I couldn't help but smile. My best friend wants to be skinny, does she? Well then, let's see how she likes being nothing but skin and bones. Let's see if forty-five pounds is skinny enough for her.

I never expected to fall for him, my best friend's father. From the moment I saw Marcus stride across the deck, water dripping from his shoulders, I knew this summer would change everything. I was eighteen now, no longer the little girl who used to play in his backyard. But to him, I was still just Lily's friend. Still off-limits. Still invisible. One vacation. One chance. I'd make him see me differently, even if it meant playing a dangerous game. Because some desires are too strong to ignore, and some men are worth every risk.

There was blood on his hands, and something worse in his eyes. And it terrified her to death. --- Crystal Peterson's only crime was to fall in love with her brother's best friend, Jaden Astor. She thought he loved her, too. Until he came back home one day with Valerie, the woman he was going to marry in two weeks. Already pregnant and disowned by her adoptive family, Crystal ran away from home without even a word to Jaden. Five years later, Crystal and her son, who had a terminal illness, were barely surviving and trying to make ends meet when she answered a knock on her door one day and found the one man she would rather stay away from all her life standing there and begging for her forgiveness. But forgiveness was something Crystal never had to offer Jaden. Not when she had to sell one of her twins just to keep the other twin alive. Not after being disowned and mocked by her family and everyone she once held dear, loosing everything she ever worked for, including her education. But what happens when she finds out who had actually bought one of her twins four years ago? Does she have a place for Jaden in her heart anymore, or she'd rather stick to Noah, the only man who was ever there for her when her world crumbled to the ground? *** Obsession. Possession. Love. Betrayal.