Best Tagalog Jokes

“There was a fucking earthquake. It caused an avalanche on the mountain. Didn’t you feel it, you lazy piece of shit?” I yell at Kaleb. “No, I didn’t. I was fucking sleeping. Quit bitching at me.” he says. He’s wearing nothing but grey sweats that hang low on his waist. God, how can someone so fucking hot be so fucking annoying? “We are stuck here. There’s at least 25 feet of snow blocking us in this cabin. Lily and your parents can’t get back either.” I tell him. “Thanks for the observation. If we can’t get out, they obviously can’t get in.” “Can you not be a snarky asshole for 2 minutes?! We are literally fucking stuck in this cabin together for god knows how long!” I yell at Kaleb. He’s so infuriating sometimes. “Relax. I’m sure we’ll probably be out in a few hours.” “Oh you’re sure, are you? Well, guess what dipshit? The guy on the radio said they’re focusing on the surrounding areas first and then they’ll be working on the mountain. That could take fucking days, Kaleb.” Kaleb takes a step closer to me. “Don’t talk to me like I’m fucking stupid, Riley.” “Oh yeah? What are you doing to do?” “If you don’t stop with this bratty attitude, I’m going to fuck it out of you.”

Sa araw ng kaniyang kasal, biglang nawala si Carie at kinalaunan ay idineklarang patay. Subalit paglipas ng dalawang taon, muli siyang magbabalik na mas mayaman, mas malakas, at mas matapang dahil asawa na siya ng bilyonaryo na kinatatakutan ng lahat. Buo ang isip niyang pagbayarin ang mga taong umapi sa kaniya at bawiin ang lalaking dapat sana ay pinakasalan niya, subalit hindi madali iyon dahil sarili niyang pamilya ang kaniyang kalaban. Kahit binabalot ng galit at paghihiganti ang puso ni Carie, isang lalaki ang mananatili sa kaniyang tabi- si Leon. Leon Marquez- ang lalaking pinagkakatiwalaan ng pinakamayamang pamilya sa buong Asya. Isusugal niya ang buong buhay at trabaho alang-alang sa babaeng humihingi ng kaniyang tulong. Magpapanggap siyang mister ng asawa ng kaniyang amo habang nagtatago ito, ngunit hindi sinasadyang iibig siya kay Carrie. Gamit ang taglay na karisma, gwapong mukha, at mala-adonis na katawan; aakitin niya ang misis ng kaniyang boss. Ngunit hindi sapat ang pagmamahal niya sa mapanlinlang na tadhana. Baon ang sakit sa inaakalang kataksilan, lalayo si Carie at kamumuhian din siya nito. Hanggang sa magtagpo ang landas ni Leon at ng isang batang lalaki. Tatawagin siya nitong daddy. Matanggap kaya ni Leon ang anak na hindi niya nakikilala? Magawa kaya niyang ipaglalaban ang kaniyang mag-ina kung ang tingin ng iba ay isa lamang siyang NOBODY?

“I know you want me. Petals.” His husky voice broke the silence in the room. “And I want you too.” My excitement spiked up as he ripped off my nightwear and did the same with his clothes exposing his well-built body. We were naked now, and his scrutinizing gaze made my heart race with anticipation. It was as if my mind had gained complete control of my body even as I willed myself to stay in control, it wasn’t working. “Uncle Ivor. This can't… you know Dad will–” I tried one more time, still in shock that this was happening. “This will stay between us. It will be our little secret, petals.” He whispered again, climbing the bed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every girl has that time when they crushed on that one person they shouldn’t crush on and couldn't have, and it was quite the same for Renee Morse, especially when that harmless crush turned into something as endearing as obsession. She always dreamed about herself in the strong arms of her godfather and her dad’s best friend, Ivor Walker. His voice alone is enough to make her knees weak and nipples erect. Her body aches for him, her fantasies of him leaving her trembling, and her desires unrelenting. When her parents moved away for work and she had to spend her holiday with him, she took it as a sign from the universe and decided to seduce him until he wanted her as much as she wanted him. She succeeded, but little did she know that forbidden relationships always bring havoc and nothing is as simple as she thought. With enemies lurking and secrets from Ivor's past resurfacing, how long can they keep their relationship hidden? Will their love last the test of time, or will they drift apart?

~"Why is the best fruit always forbidden?"~ Alecander Blackford is that perfect Alpha blessed with the face of an angel but cursed with overbearing parents who would not stop tailing after his ass. After he runs away from the pack to stay at his aunt’s house, he did not expect that he would meet his mate who turned out to be more than he had expected and everything he was not. Soft, caring with a touch of defensive instincts, Elristeya Larsen is just that girl who has two parents that were in love since forever and a brother who would do anything to make her frustrated. When she meets her brother’s new best friend, it turned out to be the Asshole that had slammed the door in her face, Alec. She was undeniably captivated by his hypnotic orbs and the way he looked like everything a human was not. Like a different breed. Alec’s entire plan to stay away from her as far as he could begins to fall flat right before his own eyes. No matter how he tried to ignore her, like a moth to a flame he was attracted to her. When circumstances fell into place, they slowly began to get closer, creating more connection and strengthening the bond between them. Elristeya soon realized that Alec was no prince charming of hers but her beautiful downfall. Her perfect nemesis. Her flawless damnation. Theirs was the mate bond that was never supposed to be formed. Forbidden right from their births and when they try to fight against the fate that binds them, ugly and haunting secrets, capable of ruining them both and those they cherished, from the past are unleashed, threatening the soul bond they shared.

#ALERT# THIS STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT STEAMY SCENES. AND YOU MIGHT FIND CERTAIN CHARACTERS DISTURBING INCLUDING MORALLY GRAY CHARACTERS. #R18# THANKS FOR READING 😊 I’m Karima Heart, and I basically live a double life. In school, I’m the quiet, nerdy bookworm. At night, I’m the seductive, high-demand stripper every one screams for. But everything’s about to change. My perfect secret is on the verge of exposure because my brother’s best friend just caught me. Now, to keep him quiet, I have to play his little obedient girl… and with him living under our roof, it's getting harder to resist the pull between us...

Raven Aguilar was forced to marry a trouble maker named Madeline Rosario for business matters. He was pissed off as he always solve the problems that Madeline made. Madeline has slowly fallen in love with Raven but Raven got tired on fixing Madeline’s mess. What will happen if Raven knew that he was the real reason why Madeline become a trouble maker?

I had fallen in love with my father’s friend—the man I was supposed to call “uncle,” Kael Viremont. For a while, I thought he loved me too. We even had this silly little promise—that if I turned twenty-seven and still want to be with him, then we could be together, publicly. Five days before my twenty-seventh birthday, I overheard him saying he’d never liked me. That he was going to marry his childhood sweetheart. And as if that wasn’t cruel enough, he was planning to use the wedding to cut me off for good. So I did the one thing I should’ve done a long time ago—accepted that he and I would never belong to the same world… and disappeared from his life for good.

I never expected to fall for him, my best friend's father. From the moment I saw Marcus stride across the deck, water dripping from his shoulders, I knew this summer would change everything. I was eighteen now, no longer the little girl who used to play in his backyard. But to him, I was still just Lily's friend. Still off-limits. Still invisible. One vacation. One chance. I'd make him see me differently, even if it meant playing a dangerous game. Because some desires are too strong to ignore, and some men are worth every risk.

After being left alone, Agent Hana Alijo became ruthless, aloof and unfriendly, she doesn't want to be attached... not until a charismatic and handsome multi-billionaire Clay Smith came and turned her life upside down. *** Hana Alijo A.K.A Lilium is a secret agent from Equilibrium Organization. She is known in her organization as hot and deadly. She's strong and persistent not until she became a personal bodyguard of Clay Smith. The man dared and made her knees weak, made her body numb with no exception. Lilium became coward and helpless when he's around. He tortured her mind and as well as her heart. What she thought was a simple duty turned out to be a complex and dangerous one. How can she fight it when her heart is at stake? The Hana who doesn't want to be with anyone seems to have become vague. She's doomed! Disclaimer: This story is written in combination of Tagalog and English Cover designed by Sheryl S.|SBS

When Sylvia lost her last family and thought this was where her life as a rogue began, the most powerful Alpha dragged her to his mansion. "I owe your father a debt," he said to her. "Anything you desire, I’ll give it." But as he leaned closer—cedar and danger swirling in the air—all she wanted was: His teeth on her neck. His kiss like a brand.