Novel & Cerita Blaming Myself

The most striking story of trying to keep myself alive from the crumbs of my shattered life. And this story was not a romantic one. When Edim pulled his closed lips apart and parted them, his warm breath and then his words slipped through my gray hair. "You're probably thinking, 'I feel so guilty that I should really be guilty,'" she said, as I was baffled by her dedication to such careful, deliberate analysis. "Sometimes the problem isn't that you're guilty, it's that you blame yourself." Shaking, "How can I not blame myself?" I said, my voice coming out in a determined tone. "I was stupid."

I needed so desperately to blame him for everything, for the sake of my sanity. But try as hard as I did to hate him, I just couldn’t. Maybe I was too rational, too understanding, to put the blame on anyone but myself. So, I turned the anger, the hurt, the hate and bitterness, inward, channeled at myself with the intensity of a laser. I hated myself for being so weak. For letting everything happen. For being so trusting and understanding. And no one noticed. No one saw how rapidly I was slipping away. How I was slowly deteriorating to a state of nothingness.

I opened my mouth to say something, to try and fix it, but there was nothing left to say. There was no fixing this moment, only avoiding it, only regrets. I blamed myself, I blamed the timing, I blamed Stacy for not telling me the truth but there was no one I blamed like myself. It was all me. As long as I was present in a setting, something had to go wrong, someone had to get hurt. Be it with family, friends, or even coworkers. It’s all I have done my whole life. First Marilyn, then Elena, Nattie, Stacy and now Lisa.

A part of me blamed my mom for where I was today, and another part scolded me for it. I really wanted someone to lash out on, someone I could tell that they’re the reason I was the way I was. It was always easier to blame someone else other than yourself right? I sighed heavily. “I need a glass of water,” I muttered to myself. My legs dropped down from the bed, and I let out a long exhale. When everything I had done came rushing back to me, I realized that I had lost my mind for weeks and I didn’t know. I was busy doing things that weren’t worth it.

I was annoyed as he said that and he keeps on blaming me. "Are you still blaming me, huh? Was it my fault that I came here, huh? I have to research my report next week, so I came here and not for you. This is not my fault, it's your fault! If you don't come near me again, we won't be punished like this. You should remember that. You don't have to blame me! You must blame yourself and not me! I didn't start this!" I sneered. He gritted his teeth. "Why would I blame myself, huh? Do you think I'm stupid to do it? Of course not!" He said shouting at me.

Zephyra Ever since the unfortunate incident at Camala’s gathering, I’ve been sulking. I barely speak to myself or to Roxy, because somewhere deep inside, I’m convinced it was all my fault. Blaming myself when things go wrong is something I’ve always done. It feels natural, almost necessary, even though I can’t remember when or where I learned to do that. It’s simply always been there, sitting heavily in me. I should still be sulking now. I should be locked in my thoughts, replaying everything again and again.

Lorien I wasn’t blaming myself—at least, not in the way Cassius thought. I was blaming the situation. The moment sat heavy on my chest like damp, unrelenting fog, pressing until I could barely breathe. My voice came out in a whisper, thin but sharp. “I’m not blaming me… I’m blaming this. Because I should have done better, Cassius. I should have seen it coming. But I didn’t. And now… now I’m going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”

It’s all past now, I should focus on the presence. “I am sorry on my son’s behalf, everything he did to you in the past, he didn’t mean any of it, I failed as a mother and as a husband I know he hates me so much because he thinks I was stupid because I loved his mother foolishly and he hates his mother for leaving us which wasn’t her fault, I caused it all, I am to be blamed.” He added and now I am more curious to understand why he keeps blaming himself for causing everything. “Please sir, don’t blame yourself for everything, if you do, you will remain guilty and might never be happy anymore, life happens to us at times but it’s never our fault.”

every one seemed to have a role in my current behavior, but who was I actually mad with? I could blame Hunter for what he did, but I can't, because if only I wasn't vulnerable, he won't have done that. I could blame my parents but they need the money to sustain us as a family, so I couldn't blame them either. I could also blame Meredith and Clement for convincing me to go to that party in the first place, but I can't, because I left their side when they clearly told me not to. So who was I angry at? myself.

“Kayla what the hell is your problem? How would you blame yourself for your cheating husband?” I raised my head to look at how when I heard the question she asked, “I don't blame myself because he cheated, I blame myself because I loved him so much that I didn't suspect anything. There were so many signs that I constantly neglected every single sign because I had it in my head that you will never try such a thing but look at it now.”