Dark Humor Dad Jokes

"You need to change your top, I can see your tits, and those are for my eyes only Lilian." His eyes darken seeing my attire. "I don't have time to change Anthony. But I like your possessive tone. So manly, and it makes me feel giddy inside." I dropped my backpack and took his hands to my so-called tits. "This is yours, Anthony," I whispered and wrapped my hands to his neck, and give him a deep moan worthy kiss. He sighed and put his jacket on me. "This is to cover what's mine and you can inhale my jacket, to make you giddier about what I'll do to you tonight." *** Her mother had passed away, and her father abandoned her in front of the orphanage because she was different. Until one day she was adopted by a couple that loved her until their tragic accident. When her stepbrother came back to take care of her, he actually felt something for her. What will he do with that realization and will he help her with all her fears?

Raphael and Jenna have been dating for two years and recently, they've been seeing less of each other due to work (at least that's his excuse) only for them to meet up again and Jenna is presented with a wedding invite. With a shattered and anger-filled heart, Jenna puts on her best dress and goes manhunting in a popular club. "That's right! I'm gonna bag a real man tonight!' She had a bet with her stepsister to have a one-night stand with a stranger but she got played for the second time in one day. Her world finally crumbles to the lowest of the low when she attends her ex's wedding and finds out her stepsister is the bride. Why say no to my parents' pick? I have nothing to lose. My life is no longer mine. Of course, it's no longer your life, when you realize you have an arranged marriage with the billionaire CEO from your one-night stand.

Morana. A name that describes a paradox in life, how she takes on an antagonistic role in her own story in order to survive in the harshness of life. A woman who has to face demons from her past when she meets Gabriel, a young painter and doctor who has just lost his girlfriend. However, what is more complicated is; Gabriel is the older brother of Quirino, a man who has been her lover for four years. Or, so he thought…

Kenzie Middleton has been down on luck since childhood in an orphanage. She just can't seem to get a break, but it looks like that is about to change when her ex-boyfriend Caleb invites her to his fathers gala in the hopes of finding her a new job. Little does she know, she is about to be thrown right back into the life of Caleb's father; a famous billionaire who just so happens to be one of the most notorious play boys of the century. Will she withstand his charms even though they have a steamy secret hidden between them, or will she finally give in to his ways?

Yu Liang has only one goal which is to get out of the systems world, but so far, he hasn't found an opportunity to get out even though he is the hardest working of the system users. Until the God Lord who manages the system worlds gave him a unique task that would be Yu Liang's great opportunity to get out of this prison called the system of souls and reincarnations. Of course, Lord God's mission couldn't be simple, but the purification of the Dark BL System, which meant that Yu Liang had to fight dirty characters, protagonists or too innocent or too questionable character, getting to be criminals at times, insane villains and disgusting plots that could be considered crimes in many healthy countries. Thanks to Xiao Yao, the custom system given to Yu Liang, they have to take down malicious and toxic plots, deal with murderous villains, and make the protagonist shine in the world to purify the dark plot. Of course, the biggest problem is that every time the protagonist falls in love with Yu Liang, it is impossible for Yu Liang to keep his heart from the protagonist's continuous and persistently sweet assault. In the end, will Yu Liang make it out of the system world?

It’s Monday and my first day of my new school. I drive my car around to where everyone else is parked, so I find myself a parking spot. Then I find the front office and go in and get my schedule. My first class is math, so I walk into the room and I’m the first one in there so I walk up to the teacher and hand him my paper to sign that I have to take back to the front office this afternoon. “Hello Miss. Billie Green I’m Mrs. Smart. It’s very nice to meet you.” The math teacher says, then sings the paper. You can go find yourself a set. I would try to find one in the front on the left-hand side. The kids pretty much already have the back full.” She tells me, and really it’s okay. I kinda like the front anyway. I make my way to a seat that looks vacant and sit down. Kids start piling in about five minutes later. And walking to their seats, there’s a tiny little girl that comes and seats down behind me. She introduces herself as Shaylee Apple. “Hello Shaylee Apple I’m Billie Green.” I tell her and hold my hand out to shake hers. I turn back around in my seat about the same time as a tall guy that has dirty blonde hair cut into spikes all over, ash gray eyes, so gray I can see the color all the way in my seat. He’s wearing a tight fitted gray shirt, and blue jeans. He has a very handsome face, but then he looks at me and instantly I see hatred in his eyes. What the heck, he doesn’t even know me. .

“Sure, sir,” I came closer to him, he offered me his arm. I was conscious not to touch his skin because if I’d done, it would have caused butterflies in my stomach, I had never been this close to any celebrity and my heart raced crazily.  I concentrated on the button rather than my feelings, I could feel Brandon’s eyes scanning me, did he notice my hesitation? , I was sweaty. Did I shiver? “Done,” I told him and looked up to meet his gaze. My heart was out of my hand, can say, was almost in my throat, I could feel the aura changing between us,  And before I could step back, Brandon said, “I owe you now,”   **** Jenna Maxwell escaped her abusive husband knowing that he will find her anytime soon. Leaving Liam behind in Pasadena and hiding in LA was her only option so she tried her luck without giving it a second thought but one didn't know that real danger was waiting for her to obey his obsession. A night where she found herself harassed after she passed out in a private event. She didn't know that man was once she had a crush on Brandon Grande. A formidable highest-paid model and known celebrity. He is all that it takes to be a gentleman, He is perfect in front of the camera world, and opposite in the real world. He has an addiction. The moment he saw her was the moment he marked Jenna as next, he craved her. When he wishes something to happen, it happens, either by hook or crook.

His mouth claimed hers with a hunger he’d clearly been holding back for years, tongue sliding deep, slow, possessive. Large hands mapped her body like he’d memorized it from stolen glances—cupping her breasts through her thin top, thumbs circling her nipples until they ached and peaked. “You’ve been driving me crazy,” he rasped against her throat, teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “Every time you walked through that door in those little sundresses…” He backed her against the wall, one thigh pressing firmly between hers so she could grind down on the hard ridge of him. Melanie whimpered, already soaked, hips rolling shamelessly. Marcus groaned approval, fingers slipping beneath her skirt to find her drenched panties. “Fuck, sweetheart,” he breathed, stroking her clit through the lace in slow, deliberate circles. “So wet for me already. Been thinking about this?” “Yes—God, yes,” she gasped, nails digging into his shoulders. ********** She knew it was wrong, craving her best friend’s father, but it was a sin she was willing to indulge in... damn the consequences, even if that includes a heartbreak.

#5 in second generation Obsessive Series but you can read STANDALONE. In this World of Cruelty, I did something that kept me sane. I went against my family just to protect my sanity. I was a fighter. I was a survivor. But not anymore because this cruel world made me rotten. Now, I'm Cruel. I'm cold Hearted. I'm a Killer because I killed myself. I killed my own happiness. I ruined my own heart. My name is DUA and I'm a nineteen years old student of Fashion Designer. And, my world is shattered by only four words. 'YOU ARE UNDER ARREST' [Mature Content 18+] Thank you ShineeSunshine ️

Guns, katanas, arrows, bows, bullets, and strings were her ideal instrument of choice. While the youth her age was in a classroom studying, she was busy raising a child and training to be an assassin. Albeit having it rough almost all her life, she was a cheerful secretary to one of the most eligible bachelor CEO in town by day and a deadly assassin by night. Things were going smoothly for a while until she fell for the CEO. Xander was a man known for his charm and his wealth. Women loved his physique and wealth. Men were jealous of his gains in life. ................ Gunshots rang in the once peacefully chaotic room: A tremendous change from the blazing and super hype partying atmosphere to a battlefield. Alexander got lost in his mind for a few minutes. Shortly after, the nightmare from the past took the reign over his conscious mind. The momentary lapse in focus almost cost him his life: as a bullet came flying towards him. "Nooo...." came a familiar feminine voice running towards his form and then .....