Dark Humor Dad Jokes

Ella Sandoval is a heartless cold killer. Lumaki sya sa mundong walang kaawaan dapat ang mapang-lamang! Dapat parusahan ng kamatayan ang may sala! and that's her oath. In return, she will give you your karma! Not until she meets Silverio Guerrero the Mayor of her own beloved town who adores helping his people. But one day the good mayor witnessed her doings and ended up not just saving her but drowned loving her. Will he be able to save her after knowing what she's up to?

People hope not to date an abusive partner but wouldn't it be worse when you are already married? She was used, abused and stepped on. All hope was lost and she vowed to only live for the sake of her children, no more hiding in the shadows of others ...Work hard and repay. Meet Eleana Osas, a single mom of two who vowed to get her revenge on her ex husband and shun all men. What will happen when she cross path with the soon to be biggest boss, Shawn Dele, who is handsomely mysterious. Will he be able to untie the knot in her heart or would he make her hate men more? Curious? Then follow up and don't forget to add it to your library. Anticipate!!!!!......... Excerpt: "So you vow to never love, never be with another man? Is this the kind of control he has over you?", Shawn asked feeling waves of emotions; anger, disappointment..... "It's the kind of control I have over my self, I will never, ever submit myself to any man again, never", Eleana replied, gritting her teeth in anger, not directed at Shawn but herself - she only spoke those words because she need him to let her go, else she fall more than she already has..... Seeing as Shawn didn't reply, Eleana walked past him but Shawn was having none of that, he turned around and grab her arms, pulling her closer to him making sure she could feel his breathe on her neck as he whispered mischievously. "Are you so certain you will be the one submitting and not me? Hmmm?". His words rang warning bells in Eleana's head as her legs went wobbly under his teasing and nearness.... Oh god! She swore, when she felt his lips on her earlobe.

Rejected. Broken. Worthless. Jane thought the worst part of being rejected by her mate would be the heartbreak. She was wrong. When her own father—the pack’s respected Beta—stands before everyone and calls her a mistake, her world shatters. The man who should have protected her becomes the one who crushes her, branding her a stain on their family and wishing she had never been born. “You’re nothing but trash. A stain on this family.” Alone, humiliated, and stripped of her identity, Jane is left with an impossible choice: endure a life of rejection… or escape into the unknown and risk everything for a chance at freedom. When the people who were supposed to love you most become your greatest enemies— How do you survive? And how do you rise?

I'm the Alpha's eldest daughter and the rightful heir to the Grimwood Pack, but I'm cursed. Every boyfriend I brought to the Shrine of the Moon for the mate test walked out and did the exact same thing.They don't reject me. They try to kill me. By the time I turned thirty, I'd survived ten murder attempts from ten different men. My own father, Alpha Damian, screams at me every time it happens. He beats me until I'm covered in bruises and claims my blood will atone for my sins to the Moon Goddess. The entire pack says I'm too sinful to deserve a mate. Even my grandmother, the woman who raised me and loved me most, came out of the temple and tried to strangle me. I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I needed to see what was inside that temple. But when the truth appeared in front of me, I broke down.

Lumaking magkahiwalay si Dane at ang kakambal niyang si Dianne nang magkahiwalay ang mga magulang nila. Siya ay lumaki sa hirap habang ang kakambal ay lumaki sa marangyang buhay. Wala ng ibang hiling si Dane kundi ang mapayapa at tahimik lang na buhay, pero isang araw, may dumating na isang lalaki, at ibinalita nito sa kanya ang tunay niyang pagkatao kasama na dun ang pagkawala ng kakambal niyang kapatid. Then a man wearing a black mask came, and his name is Dark. Tama ang sinabi ni Calil na aakalainin nito na siya ang babaeng hinahanap nito! Dahil naiipit na siya sa sitwasyon ay pumayag siyang sumama rito at para mabigyan ng hustisya ang pagamatay ng kakambal niya. Pero hanggang kailan niya kayang magpanggap? Magagawa ba niyang pigilan ang pusong umibig kay Dark? Gayong kaya siyang ipagkalulu ng kanyang sarili sa bawat halik at yakap nito. O ang tamang tanong, magagawa ba niyang paibigin ang isang Dark De'Longhi? "This isn't romance. You're not a damsel in distress and I'm not the handsome prince who comes to save you."

A broken relationship leaves her homeless just days before Christmas, forcing her to take a temporary job on a luxury holiday yacht. She expects nothing more than survival—until fate places her in the path of a powerful Alpha who should have been forbidden. What begins as a reckless mistake turns into a bond neither of them can escape. But jealousy festers close to home, and a vengeful enemy is determined to destroy her at any cost. Time passes, love blooms, and a pregnancy meant to unite a pack instead tears it apart. Cast out with nothing but her child, she is forced to rebuild her life from ashes, while the man who once rejected her uncovers a betrayal so deep it shatters his world. This is a dark holiday romance about obsession, revenge, shattered trust—and the price of believing a lie.

Her fiancé murdered her family and sold her virgin cunt to the highest bidder in the North. Ten million gold, and she’s on her knees, dripping, collared, and gifted to the Devil Alpha himself. Vuk Kael Lasković is seven feet of cruel muscle and demonic cock. He rips her open on the throne-room floor, knot swelling, fangs in her throat, and growls through the ruin: “Fuck!! Look at you taking me raw—what have you done to me, little moon?” He paid to hunt her. He’ll spend the rest of eternity breeding her sloppy, marking every inch of skin, turning the last Lunar princess into his personal, whimpering, cum-soaked queen. She was sold to be used and discarded. She’ll be the filthy little slut who owns the Devil’s soul, one ruined orgasm at a time.

On the day we're supposed to register our marriage, my girlfriend Jenny Sutton has me removed from the city hall. She walks in with her childhood sweetheart, Ronald Walsh. She looks at me without a flicker of guilt and says, "Ronald's kid needs his legal status sorted out. Once we divorce, I'll marry you." Everyone assumes I'll wait. I'm the devoted fool who's already waited seven years, so one more month seems trivial. That night, I go along with my family's plan and leave the country for a marriage of convenience. I cut myself cleanly out of Jenny's life. Three years later, I return to the country with my wife, Ellie Olsen, who's a CEO, to pay respects at her family's graves. A last-minute issue pulls her away, and she asks the local branch to send someone to pick me up. I didn't expect Jenny, not after three years. "You have dragged this out long enough. Come back. Ronald's kid will be starting kindergarten soon. You can handle the school runs."

WARNING ⚠️ PG 18 THIS BOOK CONTAINS SENSITIVE CONTENT, READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED. “Quiet!” he snapped. In an instant, he grabbed me by the waist, lifting me onto the desk. My protests died in my throat as he tore through the fragile boundaries I’d tried to set. “Marcus, stop!” I managed. But my breath had grown heavy. Warmth was already pooling between my legs. Marcus ignored me, his hand trailing over the bare skin of my arms with a possessive dominance that left me breathless—not with desire, but with rage and humiliation. I wanted him to touch me all over, and at the same time it made me so angry with myself. ***************************************** Cassandra found herself entangled with her professor after a one night stand. She was forced to enter into a contract with him. Unknowingly for her, she signed off her sovereignty forever. Betrayed, Cursed, and Banished by the moon goddess and pack, Alpha Marcus found himself trapped in the human world. After a one night stand with Cassandra, he discovered she was his key in getting his title, and throne. After several attempts to escape from Alpha Marcus, Cassandra finally got the freedom she had longed for. Bounded by Obsession, Marcus was willing to chase her to the end of the earth, just to get her back. Few years later, Cassandra strived to develop herself, climbing the ladder of success. The very day she was supposed to accept a marriage proposal from her fiance, her past came calling on her. Marcus came back to find her. Just when she began to accept her fate, A hidden secret that could change her existence was uncovered. Leaving Cassandra caught between Accepting Alpha Marcus or getting her revenge.

Seven years into our marriage, my husband, Lucas Thorne, is hailed as a legendary astronomer in the field of astronomy. It is no secret that he absolutely adores me, his wife. He always keeps a polite, distant demeanor with those around him. Even when his new assistant, Serena Cox, asks for his number, he coldly turns her down. In the year he proposed to me, he named a star "LAW", which was an acronym for "Lucas Adores Wilma". Since then, every asteroid he discovers is named with initials that hold a special significance only the two of us know. To others, they might just be scientific achievements. But to me, they are unspoken love letters. This goes on until this morning, when I stumble upon an unfamiliar phone. I unlock it easily with my middle name, thinking it's yet another quiet gesture of his love. But to my horror, I find a string of explicit messages between him and another woman. The person who was at the receiving end of those messages was none other than… Serena, his assistant.