Dark Humor Dad Jokes

“You seem to have forgotten that you’re not marrying a commoner, Alina. You’re marrying the prince of all vampires, so look alive and get me some coffee.” Alina Deluca lives a normal life up in the Californian north. At least that’s what she makes the world believe. Locked within her hypnotising emerald eyes are horrors she could never speak of, even if it killed her. Erick Stayton, the vampire prince, is her nightmare. To her, he was no more than a cold, savage predator that lusted for her blood and took away everything she had during that one traumatising night four years ago. Problem is, she is bound to be his bride. Mustering her every strength to set things right in her awry life, she gets embroiled in an ages-old feud and a struggle for power of mind-boggling proportions. Strangely enough, she finds herself connecting with Erick in ways she never knew she could. Suddenly, everything is not what it seems. Is Erick the heartless monster Alina makes him out to be? Will a vampire law made eons ago be the undoing of the whole vampire race? Will heat-ed passion bloom in these bloodiest of times? Sink your fangs into an exhilarating journey to the supernatural world with Anna Kendra’s The Vampire’s Bride. Packed with plot twists in every turn, this book will surely leave you reeling for more.

“Will you be a good girl for Daddy?” His husky voice dripped with lust. “Yes, please fuck me hard, Daddy." I answered, breathlessly. His hands were all over my body as he pressed into me roughly and I could feel my pussy swelling in response to his hardness. "Good," he whispered against my ear, teeth nipping at my skin. "Because you'll be a damn good whore."He bit down again, pulling away from me long enough to grab one of my wrists and pin it above my head, then began fucking me hard, his hips rolling violently and slamming into mine in time with his movements. •• •• •• Camille Caldwell, tasked by her wealthy father to learn the ropes of business under the watchful eyes of a dear and trusted mentor, Gavriel found herself juggling between being a dutiful secretary and a seductive temptress at night. At first, all she wanted from him was for him to give a good report to her father of her behavior, but as she got closer to him, she couldn’t resist the magnetic attraction that drew her to him. When Billionaire Gavriel Donovan agreed to take the only daughter of his friend under his wing as his secretary, he merely counted it as doing a favor for an old friend, but Camille will have him doing the unthinkable, and he’ll have her pinned beneath him, screaming for more pleasure. Can their forbidden desires survive in a world where their romance is regarded as abominable? Was Gavriel willing to put his friendship and reputation on the line for a girl he was old enough to father? ***** This book unapologetically contains very dark, raw, and mature contents. Do not open unless you'd love to be stuck in a sex-filled, lusty, and romantic world.

Janelle is only but a normal pre-law student living in a small apartment with the rest of her friends for college. Everything was enough for her. Until the time her Professor set her up for an alternative pt, coincidentally being a moot court case of the homicide of her and her group's previous acquaintance. Unknowingly through the knowledge of her professor, the group must put all their efforts into solving the case in order to survive? Checking the actual document, every single one of them was written as potential suspects, even when they didn't know their acquaintance's death just about a minute ago. She trusts all of her friends, but are they to be trusted?

Sa Isang mahiwagang mundo na binuo ng pag iibigan ng isang diwata at isang engkanto, isang kilalang hari at reyna sa palasyo ng gardenya. Nabuo ang kanilang pagmamahalan sa pagdating ng isang supling na babae. Isang napakagandang bata na may taglay na kakaibang kapangyarihan. Binigyan ng pagkakakilanlan ang sanggol at tinawag nila itong Princess Lucia. Pinagdiwang nila ang pagdating ng bagong itinakdang maghari sa buong gardenya. Subalit sisirain ito ng isang mapaghiganti na may maitim na mahika ang kasiyahang nagaganap. Dumilim ang kalangitan at namatay ang lahat ng mga puno at halaman ang buong kaharian. Kagimbal-gimbal ang mga pangyayari dahil napakalakas ng itim na mahikang taglay ng kung sino man ang gumagamit nito. Dahil sa takot na mapahamak ang sanggol ay pinaubaya ng hari at reyna ang kanilang anak sa isang diwata na si Lila. Mabilis na itinakbo ng diwata at inilayo sa lugar na yun ang prinsesa. Dinala niya ito sa isang diwata na si Kala na umibig sa isang mortal at namuhay bilang tao. Bago tuluyang nagpaalam si Lila ay may binigay ito na kwentas at kapirasong papel kay Kala. Di na rin pinaalam ni Lila kung ano ang nangyari at kung sino ang sanggol para sa ikatatahimik ng lahat. Pinalaki ng maayos ng mag asawa ang batang pinagkaloob sa kanila at pinangalan nila itong Callea. Lumaking maganda at masayahin ang bata ngunit sa pagsapit ng ikalabing-walo niyang kaarawan ay matutuklasan ang hiwagang at misteryong bumabalot sa kanyang pagkatao. Sa pagtuklas sa nakalipas ay makakatagpo siya ng isang taong lobo ngunit ang lobong ito ang magdadala sa kanya sa kapahamakan. Maibalik pa kaya ang ganda ng nasabing kaharian na nagmistulang isang madilim at nakakatakot na kakahuyan? Sino ang nasa likod ng paggamit ng itim na mahika? Sino o ano sa buhay ng dalaga ang taong lobo?

copyright (Warning this is a dark God and Goddess novel. This is all war and manipulation. It won't be pretty at times and it may make your cringe but every scene has a purpose. You just have to keep reading to find out more) Mazaya(masaya) is the goddess of wisdom and creation she's anything but normal. she's emotionally unstable because She holds too much power. She's the only God that was born with a dark god and light God parent. It was never heard of before her. So that explains why she is the most powerful God in existence. Right? Not really because nothing is as it seems. Gods are manipulating each other left and right to prevent complete control. Things you think you know turn out to be a spell caused to protect the world. The only truth is the what they are living now. The past could be lies and there's only one way to find out the truth, to go along Mazaya's journey. One thing is true though She only has one weakness and when the most powerful Gods find it out they work to exploit it so they can control everything. The person who possesses her rules all. Will Mazaya be a pawn in this war against Gods or will she be able to free herself from some of the most ruthless Gods in existence. It' starts off slow but once you get into it it heats up and gets intense. nothing is as it seems in a world full of the most powerful gods. There will be sex scenes and at times it will seem out of there but this is a world of Dark Gods not weak mortals. And what is the way to ones soul? sex and manipulation.

She's loving him all her heart while he's hating her all his soul. There's nothing wrong in giving everything to someone you love the most. Love is selfless. It's all about sacrifices. But what if the unwanted become the most unwanted? Would it be right to hold on the vows of marriage? Or it's better to let go and move on? Taliyah, the unwanted wife begun to suffer more when her husband, Max Rothus Villaron found her darkest secret. As the day passes by, another secret unfold; the secret that encompasses their pain and pleasures.

Living in the heart of Miami, Bridgette Martinez reels from her recent divorce, following how her husband cheated with her sister and blaming her for being a barren wife, therefore destroying her whole world. In search of solace from her suffering, Bridgette traveled all the way to Monaco to avoid thinking about her cheater husband. Meanwhile, her father's friend, Don Thiago Bermudez, who also happened to be Monaco's richest man, entered her life after spending a night together, thereby igniting an unexpected forbidden sparks between the two of them that they could never ignore. And with that, Bridgette shall then navigate the perilous waters between her family and the man she loves as their passions flare and affect them all. But would Bridgette risk it all for a chance at true love, or would their forbidden desires pull them apart? ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• “I expect you to behave like an ideal wife in every sense of word. Publicly, the perfect partner. Privately, you’ll share my bed, my home, and give me everything I ask.” he demanded. “And what do I get in return?” I asked, my chin lifted in defiance. “In return, you’ll get everything you’ve ever wanted, damsel—power, wealth, influence. And, most importantly, your revenge."

“Uh-ahh.“ my moan echoed in the bedroom. “That's it, now call me daddy while I fuck you like a dirty slut” my dad's best friend said tighting his grip on my waist and without warning, he rammed his big cock into my pussy. I cried out and arched my back wanting more, I couldn't get enough of this fucking pleasure. He rocked his hips back and forth, thrusting harder into my pussy. “Now come for daddy.“ He ordered softly. That was my undoing, I exploded around him. “Good girl.“ He said giving my clot feathery strokes.

Lumaking magkahiwalay si Dane at ang kakambal niyang si Dianne nang magkahiwalay ang mga magulang nila. Siya ay lumaki sa hirap habang ang kakambal ay lumaki sa marangyang buhay. Wala ng ibang hiling si Dane kundi ang mapayapa at tahimik lang na buhay, pero isang araw, may dumating na isang lalaki, at ibinalita nito sa kanya ang tunay niyang pagkatao kasama na dun ang pagkawala ng kakambal niyang kapatid. Then a man wearing a black mask came, and his name is Dark. Tama ang sinabi ni Calil na aakalainin nito na siya ang babaeng hinahanap nito! Dahil naiipit na siya sa sitwasyon ay pumayag siyang sumama rito at para mabigyan ng hustisya ang pagamatay ng kakambal niya. Pero hanggang kailan niya kayang magpanggap? Magagawa ba niyang pigilan ang pusong umibig kay Dark? Gayong kaya siyang ipagkalulu ng kanyang sarili sa bawat halik at yakap nito. O ang tamang tanong, magagawa ba niyang paibigin ang isang Dark De'Longhi? "This isn't romance. You're not a damsel in distress and I'm not the handsome prince who comes to save you."

Reborn in his betrayal, her only goal is bloody revenge! * Amelia Winters has a perfect life until that fateful day when her pack is slaughtered by her mate and his mistress. She was dead, and then she is not. In a freaky twist of fate, Amelia wakes up and realizes that she has travelled back in time to the day it all started: The mating ball. This time, she is given a chance to save her pack. She will save them, and get her revenge against her cruel mate, Colton. She knows what she will do with Colton. She will play him as he has played her and then she will destroy him. Her plan is solid, except she doesn't expect the twist: A second chance mate. Adrian Thorne is a sexy, charming, sometimes arrogant crowned prince of the Kingdom of Astoria and he makes Amelia's body sing songs of lust. Even though his wolf tells him Amelia is not his mate, Adrian is slowly falling for with her... But she is hiding a big secret from him. What will happen when he comes to know her secret? Will he forgive her for the deception? After being deeply betrayed, can Amelia ever believe in the arrangement of the Moon Goddess? Is revenge the whole point of her life this time? Betrayal, lies, manipulation, and love are intertwined. Two mates and she will. . . . . .