Dark Humor Dad Jokes

Note: This isn't incest. *** "You are playing with fire, doll," he warned, eyes dark and dangerous. "A very deadly fire." I looked at the chains on the bed again and pictured them clamped on my wrists, my tits and pussy in full display... Maybe deadly will do for now... *. *. *. *.* Harbouring feelings for someone older than me seems deadly especially when the said person is my uncle. Despite knowing this, the thirst for a drop from his hot-as-hell river of sexiness can't be quenched. Fantasies turned into cravings which in turn spurred the implementation of my devious plans to get him all to myself. Will this blood barrier push him away from acknowledging this mutual feeling of lust, or will his fuel be poured on my burning coals?

While the criminal was brutally killing me, my dad, the head of the criminal investigation division, and my mom, the chief forensic pathologist, were attending my sister Lily Lambert’s match. In a bid for revenge, the criminal, who had once been captured by my dad, cut out my tongue and used my phone to call him. My dad only said one thing before hanging up. "No matter what’s going on, Lily’s match is the top priority today!" The criminal sneered, "Seems I’ve kidnapped the wrong person. I thought they would love their biological daughter more!" At the crime scene, my parents were shocked by the brutal state of the body and condemned the cruelty of the killer. However, they did not realize that the horrifically mutilated corpse was their own daughter.

Selena saw Pedro Lopez as more than a friend but all he ever saw her as was a friend and nothing more. Things didn't change even after that one drunken night between them. And then she was back, Pedro's ex girlfriend and first love, Louisa Santos and he took her back most willingly. Unable to stand more heartbreaks, Selena leaves him and everything behind, wanting a new life. But can her new life be entirely new, especially when there is a baby involved? What happens when three years later, Selena has to return to the city she left and even more, meet Pedro Lopez once more. Selena Andre is determined to keep her baby hidden away from Pedro Lopez but how long can she hide her baby from him? And how long can she shield her past life and feelings away from him?

My dormmate has dropped out of college to get married. Before that, she shares a livestream link on the college forum. She claims her husband has cheated on her, and she wants to stream how she punishes the homewrecker. She asks everyone to share the link and hype the situation up. I don't take her words to heart. To my surprise, she barges into my house with a group of people that afternoon. She trashes the place and screams bloody murder at me. It seems she thinks I'm the homewrecker. It's only from her words that I understand her rich and handsome husband is my father. Well, since she's caused such a scene, it looks like her darling is going to lose his job and leave this family without a penny to his name.

Warnings ⚠️ Contains strong mature content. **** “I'm sorry, master,” Star shivered as the vampire slipped his finger into her wet slippery p*ssy. “It's late for this. You broke a law, princess. It's time to receive your punishment.” He inserted another finger into her wet pink virgin hole. “Ahh.” The princess cried out when he added yet another finger. “Please, stop—” “Take it, whore. This is your punishment.” He joined the fourth finger to the ones already inserted. **** Who would have thought going on a hunt will bring these many problems for the young princess? Headstrong and arrogant, the young Princess was always ready to cause trouble. A headache to her father, and her mother's pride. She thought the world was hers to do as she pleases. But that was until she stepped foot into the forbidden castle, unknowingly awakening a vampire Lord who was determined to make the feisty Princess, his pet. What happens when miss arrogant meets an arrogant master? Read to find out! Note: This book contains strong mature content.

Because my father's childhood sweetheart's daughter was accidentally burned, my father was angry and locked me in the fire house where werewolf criminals were punished. The Beta of the pack, my father, looked at me with disgust written all over his face: "I don't have such a cruel daughter. You'll stay here and reflect on what you've done." I begged loudly for mercy, admitted my mistake, pleading for him to let me out. All I got in return was his merciless command. "Unless she's dead, no one is to release her." The fire house stood isolated at the edge of the territory. No matter how much I screamed for help, no one could hear me. He assigned the housekeeper to set the room to spray fire every 2 hours. The burns were excruciating, my werewolf healing barely keeping me alive between sessions. Ten days later, he finally remembered he had a daughter and decided to let me out. But what he didn't know was that I had already died in that fire house, never to wake again.

Two broken souls, each marked by a tortured past, are drawn together by fate. Just as they begin to grasp the strange connection between them, they learn that their parents are engaged—a revelation that sends chills through their veins. But the nightmare doesn’t end there. As long-hidden secrets creep from the shadows, the demons of their pasts return, more terrifying than ever. Old wounds fester, threatening to consume them both. In the face of haunting truths, will they be torn apart by hatred, or will a twisted bond of love emerge from the darkness? The truth will haunt you.

“What are you going to do with him? Take him back???" Brion demanded, his gaze incredulous. "Take him back?" I scoffed, a smirk coming over my face as I stared at the picture in my hand.  "I have no plans to do that, BRION. I want him to fall for me, then push him down like he did to me. I want to make him feel the pain I passed through in his hands." I got to my feet and threw the picture on the floor. "It's time he dances to the tune of his music," I gritted out as I stomped hard on the picture. *** A loveless marriage wasn't part of Nova's plans for the future, but a one-night stand with a stranger changed her life forever. Bound to a man, who only saw her as a means to an end, Nova tried to salvage the relationship. However, things spiralled out of control with the return of his ex-girlfriend, and first love, and the realization that Nova was pregnant.  Her life was threatened, but she survived with the help of her secret admirer, who took care of her for five years until she was ready to stand on her feet. However, a business deal took her back to the country she left years ago.  With her return, Nova was ready to prove to the world that she didn't need her ex-husband by her side, but Dashiell was desperate. Knowing how much he loved her, he was reluctant to let go. But Nova wasn't ready to take him back, not until she had made him experience the heartache of those years ago.

“Fuck me, harder,” I whispered. “Take me hard, I'm all yours.” **** I've loved my stepbrothers from afar. Being their cute little sister, they never treated me as anything more than such. I watched from the sidelines when they found their mate. I smiled like a fool while my heart was slowly being crushed by jealousy. I'm a human, so I couldn't be their mate. With that realization and the pain that came from seeing them with their mates. I left the pack, for the city, to complete my study. Five years later, I returned to the pack, to discover that my brothers' mate cheated on them, and rejected them. They were grieved, and I was the only one they could run to for consolation. I was determined not to let any woman take them from me. I will make my stepbrothers mine. Though they vowed never to fall in love, I was determined to show them that I'm the one for them, and have always been.

Hindi aakalain na muling magkukrus ang landas nila Seraphim Anastasia Arandia at Philip Kahili Callari ngayong tinatago ng babae ang tatlong anak ng bilyonaryong lider ng isang malaking ilegal na organisayon. Alam ni Seraphim na isang malaking pagkakamali na itago ang mga anak nito ngunit anong magagawa niya kung mas masaya ito sa piling ng unang pag-ibig nito? Pero parang pinaglalaruan talaga sila ng tadhana ngayong nagkita ulit sila, mabigyan kaya ng hustisya ang naudlot niyang seksuwal— este pag-ibig sa lalaki? O mas lalo lamang ipapamukha sa kaniya ng tadhana na hindi talaga sila para sa isa’t-isa?