Facefarting Novels & Stories

I take a deep breath wiping away sweat from my face. “GET DOWN HERE!!!!” he screams, holding his jaw. I stick out my tongue, putting two fingers in my ear as I mock him. “Fatty, fatty, come on climb up FAT ASS!!!” I yell, his face goes red. He plucks off his shoe, and throws it at me. I dodge it, making it go over the fence. He isn’t actually fat per say, but he is on the big side with his puffy cheeks that just call my name.

I smiled and shrugged. At this moment, a sarcastic voice filled with sarcasm rang out from the tree. "Why didn't I see that? Do you put a bunch of powder on your face, then believe that you are beautiful? You know how to joke. What will your natural appearance look like if you shave off that layer of powder and take off that expensive designer outfit?

He rested his chin on my shoulder while he smiles adorably. I felt myself stopping from laugh when my stomach tightens and the next second was my lips about to purse together. He kept grinning at me but I felt my lips moving to the sides as I try to hide my smile from my face. I as trying so hard to bite my inner cheek so I won't laugh but Gage's smug face knows that he's winning. Oh god, who am I kidding? He already won. "You do know if you hold a laugh it'll cause you to fart?" He grins.

“Did you just fart?” I burned up fast, caught between a shriek and a laugh. My lips were pulled in tight, tears streaming down my cheeks while my chest pushed up and down with trapped laughter. “Did you just fart?” Ryan asked again in disbelief. “I did,” I said in a cry. I was just as shocked as he was, staring into his eyes with my large ones.

He stops right in front of me. Close. Very close. Too close. “Why are you moving away?” he asks softly. “Because you are doing THE FACE.” “What face?” “The… the K-drama male lead face.” “I’m not doing a face.” “You are absolutely doing a face.” “I’m standing normally.” “You’re standing MENACINGLY.” He tilts his head slightly. “And what if I am?” OH NO. OH NO NO NO. He’s doing it again. The Almost-Confession Face™.

“Uh, nothing! Talking to myself. Classic stress response.” He said nothing, which was somehow worse than yelling. I slumped into the chair opposite him, arms folded, watching him work. My brain scrambled for ideas. Compliments hadn’t worked. Food hadn’t worked. Maybe I needed to distract him. So I did the only thing left in my arsenal. I made faces. At first, subtle ones, a slight pout, a raised brow, a playful smirk. When that didn’t work, I escalated. Crossed eyes. Puffing my cheeks. Fish lips.

"But the look on your face just now was absolutely priceless. Your eyebrows went straight into your hairline." A sudden, unexpected laugh bubbles up past my lips, the sound surprising even myself as the absurdity of the fake fact hits me. I reach across the table, playfully swatting at his forearm. "That is terrible! You said it with so much confidence, I actually believed you for a second."

I couldn't tell if it was fear, or shame, or something in between- but it gripped me so tightly I almost turned back. But then I pictured my mother. The way she smiled when I said I'd try. The way she folded my scarf carefully the night before, like it was armor. I couldn't disappoint her. Not now. The scarf hugged my face gently. Wrapping around my face only revealing my eyes, they are one of my body parts that's still intact and the same. I adjusted it over and over again making sure that only my eyes showed. The part I wasnt afraid to reveal.

She threw herself onto the floor, beating it with her fists as she gave out the girliest most childish laugh ever and I tried not to laugh but their laughs were contagious. I stood up, laughing as I walked to the mirror and stopped the second I saw my face, "Hey!" I exclaimed when I saw how terribly they'd drawn on my face. They didn't even try to make me look like a nice clown. I looked like a knock off, depressed clown combined with a mime.

I shouted firmly. I'm sure my facial expression is already tense and turning red. Lesley laughed, seeing me panic like this "hahahahah, look at your face," Lesley sneered at me. She even laughed repeatedly, seeing my face. I turned my eyes lazily, "oh Lesley, you really helped me," I grumbled. Lesley keeps on laughing, making me even more annoyed "What's wrong with my face?" I protested again. Lesley held her stomach because she laughed "oh my God, that's the funniest face I've ever seen from you" Lesley laughed increasingly, mocking me.